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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often does your child come home from uni?

75 replies

DiaDhuit · 26/06/2020 08:57

My eldest started university last September, and she probably came home about 2/3 times a half term. It's around a 1hr 15mins drive and 3ish hours on the train. How often does your child come back?

OP posts:
Mawbags · 26/06/2020 09:03

That’s loads!!

I am irrelevant as we loved abroad so never saw the parents

Meredithgrey1 · 26/06/2020 09:08

I was a similar distance away and when I was at uni about 7 years ago I went home for a few days at Christmas, and then the whole summer (except for the summer I worked abroad).

I had a part time job though.

2-3 times a half term is more than most people I knew.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 26/06/2020 09:08

I came back for holidays and special occasions like mothers/Father's Day or birthdays. Most of my friends were the same.

RaininSummer · 26/06/2020 09:11

Christmas, Easter and a week in August.

Sparrow234 · 26/06/2020 09:14

I went home during breaks - Christmas / Easter etc and for all of summer.

I’d also pop back for birthdays / special / big family gatherings as I was only half hour away.

I didn’t know anyone who went home that much.

Perhaps they’re not enjoying uni life that much?

PenCreed · 26/06/2020 09:14

I went home Christmas, Easter and the summer for the first couple of years, then stayed in my university city for the summer after 3rd year (4 year degree). Weekends here and there, but never more than once per term - it was 4 hours by coach/train to get home!

That seems like a lot for her to be coming home, is she happy at university?

Bookoffacts · 26/06/2020 09:18

2 or 3 times in 6 to 8 weeks (half term)?
That's practically fortnightly!
I'd be worried it's far too much. Not settled at uni.

ShyOwl · 26/06/2020 09:20

I came back for main holiday breaks, and even then I started working and met my now husband, so even less after the first year. But I did always try and go back for big events, Easter, Christmas and big birthdays

That does sound like a lot compared to the social group I had at university.

Saying that I now work at a university and find a lot of students live at home and commute now, because of cost of accommodation, so maybe there is less of the social life there was before

Notupforit · 26/06/2020 09:23

That's so much.
My OH and I met at school and went to the same university. MIL expected him to come home every weekend and she phoned him every day. He didn't go home at all between September and the Christmas holiday and eventually stopped answering the phone.
When he did go home, she hadn't taken out the bins or changed any lightbulbs because they were "men's jobs". She was divorced and only my SIL was still living with her (she wouldn't allow SIL to do the "men's jobs" even though she was willing to).
Are you thinking that your child should come home more or come home less? How often are you speaking? There are lots of other relevant factors that you haven't considered - do they have a weekend job at university or at home? Does their course require a lot of hours in study or is it mostly free study? Why are they coming home - do you ask or do they?

Hazysummers · 26/06/2020 09:23

Every weekend practically, bloody hated it!!

happystory · 26/06/2020 09:25

Ds was a fair distance away and came home in the main holidays or if there was a family event. Dd was only an hour away and probably came home about every 6 weeks, both of which scenarios reflect their personalities actually.

AuntieMarys · 26/06/2020 09:25

Once a half term if that. Having too much fun!

Sgtmajormummy · 26/06/2020 09:26

Mine is the same as yours, OP. Same distance, too.

He has his girlfriend and gaming friends here, plus free lifts/use of the car/home comforts mean it’s cheaper and just as much fun to spend the weekend with us.
Not that he hasn’t settled at University.

Notupforit · 26/06/2020 09:27

Oh, and I didn't say for myself, I went home probably once per term and then would usually see my family around Christmas and maybe at Easter. I'd go home for Mother's Day, maybe my mum's birthday? I didn't go home for holidays though - I found it a bit strange when grown adults just went to live with their parents for weeks on end but that's just my personal opinion.
This actually made me and my mum a lot closer. We get on incredibly well now but I really didn't like living with her as a teen. In my experience, the parents who cling on and demand contact usually end up with the worse relationships in the end.

Swishswish26 · 26/06/2020 09:28

Two or three times per half terms is a lot, basically fortnightly. In my first year I went home maybe one in a half term. By my final year it was just Christmas, Easter and summer holidays that I went home. Could she be unhappy or lonely at the weekend?

crimsonlake · 26/06/2020 09:29

Mine have both finished uni now, but were both at uni the same time.
During the first year they both used to come home once a month on different weekends. It was not because they did not enjoy it, I think they both just liked to come home, change of scenery and see friends, hopefully me also who lived alone.
It gradually tailed off as the years went by and deadlines and exams had to be met.

Snog · 26/06/2020 09:34

She sounds like a homebird.
I usually came home for some of reading week and most of the main breaks - except for the first half term when I came home once more as home sick

nokidshere · 26/06/2020 09:41

I ve got an introvert who is just about to start his 3rd yr, he comes hime every 4-5 weeks or so, sometimes more if he wants some peace! Also it's a very easy 1hr train journey.

His brother, about to start his 2nd yr, is about 3hrs away, a total extrovert and he only comes back during a holiday or for his orthodontist appointments

They are both itching to get back now though.

lydia7986 · 26/06/2020 09:48

This year, she came home every other weekend (involving a 2 hour train journey).

Though this was in large part because her grandad (who lives very near us) was dying, and she wanted to see him as much as possible.

Now that he’s passed away, I don’t know if she’ll come home as frequently next year.

okiedokieme · 26/06/2020 09:54

Once per term. They don't have half terms at university and the term is only 10-12 weeks long

HeddaGarbled · 26/06/2020 09:56

Christmas, Easter and the summer but only occasionally in between, maybe 2 or 3 short visits over the whole year. We would go and visit them about the same.

ASundayWellSpent · 26/06/2020 09:56

Parents lived in a different country so Easter, Christmas, Summer etc. But if I lived nearer I would have loved to have gone home more, to my partner, friends, parents... didn't really love the uni life. Liked the learning side but not so much the rest and was v homesick

pointythings · 26/06/2020 09:57

That's a lot. My DD has been home since just before lockdown obviously, but prior to that it was once a term.

Nacreous · 26/06/2020 10:00

I was an hour away and used to come home about once a term, and my parents would come up for a day out twice a term ish.

In exam term when I didn't have lectures etc I used to stay home a lot more.

I was pretty unwell through university though and needed to escape from being there.

elephantsbreath2 · 26/06/2020 10:00

In Ireland most students go home EVERY weekend 🤣...universities are practically empty from Friday lunchtime til Sunday evening.