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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How often does your child come home from uni?

75 replies

DiaDhuit · 26/06/2020 08:57

My eldest started university last September, and she probably came home about 2/3 times a half term. It's around a 1hr 15mins drive and 3ish hours on the train. How often does your child come back?

OP posts:
TheSquareCube · 26/06/2020 10:04

I went home every weekend but that's only because most of my friends also went home every weekend. It was only an hour on the train though and a miles walk from the station to home.

Ginfordinner · 26/06/2020 10:08

Is she not enjoying university? DD came home for Christmas, then for lockdown.

zingally · 26/06/2020 10:12

That is a LOT. Is she struggling to settle?

For what it's worth, I struggled hugely with homesickness at uni, especially the first year.
My parents both went to uni, and met there, and had a whole gang of friends they were still close with 30 years later. And I naively thought my university experience would be the same. But it wasn't. For the one and only time in my life, I struggled to make friends.

In terms of the homesickness, things got better in my second and third years, but was never gone entirely. I used to cross off the days on my calendar as "another day closer to going home".

Even though I was struggling, from what I remember, I only ever went home during the "big" holidays. It was about an hour and a half drive, or 2+ on the train.

I never shared with my family that I wasn't having the magical experience they had raved about my entire childhood. But by my third year, I'd stopped trying to win people over (I had one good friend, that I made by joining a choir, who I'm still close with today), I put my head down and focused on the academics. And actually, focusing on getting a solid degree really helped, and I do kind of look back on my memories of the hours of studying, with something resembling fondness. :)

That being said, despite a kind of rough 3 years, you do look back with rose-tinted glasses, and I remember a lot more of the good times, than the bad. I really learnt to be self-reliant, and at ease with my own company.

Flossie44 · 26/06/2020 10:12

Ds, 7 hours away by train or mega bus. Comes home a few days over Christmas and a week in the summer!! Adores uni life and independence. We text most days and chat once a week on zoom.

Miljea · 26/06/2020 10:18

My son is 45 mins away.

In Y1 he came home every six weeks or so; in Y2 from mid-Oct to lockdown, it was every 3 weeks because his household fell apart. His best mate (and thus flat mate) became ill and had to pull out of uni; and one of the two girls transpired to have quite serious MH problems that impacted on the household negatively, so the other girl pretty much moved in with her boyfriend.

DS isn't great at making friends, so basically, with the sudden departure of his mate, he became a bit lonely at weekend so he came home.

He's just embarking on a year in industry, living at home, then will return to uni for the final year, probably to a private Hall.

Personally, I think a lot of kids don't really gets into 'the whole uni thing', but the alternatives just aren't out there.

Blobby10 · 26/06/2020 10:23

My son came home Christmas, Easter and some of the summer break whilst at uni. Daughter went away to college at 16 so already used to living away from home and hardly came back at all, even when she got a car! However I did travel to watch her play her sport every weekend during the season so saw her lots Grin. Of course, this year they've been home since sodding March and I wish they would bugger off back to Uni - even if is nice to come home from work and have dinner cooked (most days) Smile

Sparklesocks · 26/06/2020 11:01

I used to come back once a term, and the odd trip for birthdays etc. It was a 2 hour train journey or a 3 hour drive.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/06/2020 11:05

About once a term and holidays. I wanted to make the most of uni life and I'm glad I didn't go to a university where going home on weekends is the norm. That would have been grim.

emmathedilemma · 26/06/2020 11:06

I only went home at holidays when I was at uni, and usually at the end of exams for a few days as mine tended to finish before other subjects so i went to get out everyone's way who was still studying. I was 2.5hours or so away but my brother went to uni locally and never came home in term time.

skippy67 · 26/06/2020 13:00

Dd started uni in Sept. She's a two hour drive away. Prior to lockdown she came home about 4 times I think, not including Christmas. I expect to see less of her once she's moved out of halls for second and third year. As far as I know, she's settled well there, but she's also a homebird. DS visited lots when he was at uni too. I guess they just like usGrin

exexpat · 26/06/2020 13:11

With hindsight, DS came home much more frequently when he was struggling at uni. He tended to pop home for family birthdays, but otherwise usually only came back once a term or we went to visit him once a term when things were going well.

Is your DD happy at university? Or is she studying somewhere where a lot of the students are local and still live at home, so there is less uni-focused social life at weekends?

Fifthtimelucky · 26/06/2020 13:15

Usually, mine never came/come home during term-term (coming back before lockdown was a bit different).

Similarly when I was a student I never went home in terms time either. I had a friend who went home every weekend in the first year. She lived in London though and I think our smallish university town didn't live up to her nightlife standards!

My children both went to bigger places and all their friends had also gone off to university around the country, so the children had a much better social life staying where they were than coming home.

FrogFairy · 26/06/2020 13:19

DS came home on average every third weekend and every holiday. He was very unhappy, homesick, not enjoying the course and hated drinking/pubs/clubs.

cariadlet · 26/06/2020 13:25

My dd isn't quite at that stage yet, but when I was a student I only went home at Christmas, Easter and for some of the summer. It never crossed my mind to go back in term time and I won't expect dd to come home if she's busy enjoying herself.

cheeseaddict420 · 26/06/2020 13:35

I went to uni in Ireland and some ppl went back to my home county every weekend! Shock my parents didn’t live in Ireland so I only saw them at major holidays (like Xmas and some summers, they lived very far away). It was quite common to go back a lot and my aunt commented a few times about how infrequently I went to back to my (Irish) hometown. Was too busy at parties in Dublin!

user1487194234 · 26/06/2020 13:37

High days and (part of) holidays
Fine by me he was having a ball !

slipperywhensparticus · 26/06/2020 13:38

I see her Easter Christmas and the summer break however at the end of year three (next year) she is hoping to be working and living full time down there so I don't know when I would see her

switswoo81 · 26/06/2020 13:38

@elephantsbreath2 yep I agree I came home every weekend even though I loved it. Couldn't afford to feed myself every weekend and all my friends went home too. Only had a bedroom in a Res block the first year not very comfortable.

bruffin · 26/06/2020 13:39

DD is 3 hours coach journey away. She probably comes home 2 or 3 times a term. The megabus service is great for her and very cheap. She usually comes home if she has tickets for a gig or theatre show or family event. Even when she was on Erasmus she came home one weekend

Flyingflamingoes · 26/06/2020 13:42

DS1 has just come to the end of his 1st year- went as far west as he could (we're in Lincs) and came home Christmas and has been home now for lockdown since April. It hinges to go back.
DS2 will be going (fingers crossed) 1hr away and plans for the odd weekend to socialise with school friends. Both are happy to be home when they are and use digital platforms to keep in touch frequently, but both see uni as their new, adult life.

C0ncentrated20 · 26/06/2020 13:48

I went to uni several 100 miles away, 10+ hours travel away
I joined clubs at uni or worked in the holidays
Some of my friends who went to uni & lived more locally, went home more regularly
I enjoyed my time
I'm still in touch with some of my uni friends
I'm not a home bird Wink

C0ncentrated20 · 26/06/2020 13:50

If you have the time, Megabus is extremely cheap if booked in advance for long journeys Grin
However, the virus would make this more risky now

DuesToTheDirt · 26/06/2020 13:56

My two only came home in the holidays. I have a couple of friends whose daughters came home every weekend, and both of them dropped out after a term or so.

Nosuchluck · 26/06/2020 13:59

Once a term and we visit them and take them for lunch about twice a term, they were an hour and a quarter away (pre lockdown).

Nosuchluck · 26/06/2020 14:00

Plus one month at Easter and Christmas and three months for summer.