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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reassurance re meeting up with people again

28 replies

Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 01:29

Just had a bit of a wobble. I met someone outdoors today and chatted for about 40minutes
Now having a wobble due to the whole covid thing. I have asthma but was not told to shield, I just chose not to meet up with anyone as yet.
Was about 1.5 metres away. Just feels strange after all this time. Do folk here generally feel fine with outdoor chats. I guess I can’t stay locked away forever.

OP posts:
positivepixie · 26/06/2020 02:39

Any reason you didn’t sit 2 metres away? Distance does reduce risk and advice is still 2 metres where you can. It’s a very personal choice of balancing the risk of catching it/passing it on vs mental health needs of interaction - everyone will have different tipping points, the important thing is knowing where yours is. No-one else can answer that.

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 02:47

Thanks for your reply. We were standing in the street. I should have stood further away.
I think I’ll refrain from meeting friends at the moment as the stress it’s going to cause me afterwards won’t be worth it.
I had thought it was nice of her to text me to meet so I said yes but I’ll just be honest next time
I’m kicking myself a bit now but at least we were outside.

OP posts:
whydoesitalwayshappentome · 26/06/2020 02:51

I feel fine about outdoor chats and due to working in an office through the whole thing, indoor chats do not bother me either. At the end of the day you can only decide what you feel happy doing.

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 02:52

Thanks- yes I need to listen to myself more next time. I thought it would be ok but I just worry afterwards so I guess it’s not worth it..

OP posts:
Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 03:26

Anyone else still up?

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 26/06/2020 04:20

I think that is fine. Here in Mexico we were told that a safe distance is a meter and a half.

Anotherthink · 26/06/2020 04:28

Hi July I'm a bit worried too. I saw some friends today and found it difficult to constantly police myself. There were lots of times we were not 2m apart, I know I touched things and failed to wash hands. I'm really worried now. I was due to meet up with family at the weekend but don't think I can now, I feel really anxious I've put me and my household at risk.

Sorry op just wanted to say that I feel the same which isn't reassuring...

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 05:52

Anotherthink... at least I’m not the only one then I guess! At least I know now how worried it makes me and I’ll know better next time..

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 26/06/2020 06:02

If you don’t need to meet people yet, then don’t make yourself if you’re not ready. I’m a teacher so I’m around lots of people every day (at school and on public transport) and it stops feeling weird pretty quickly, you just get used to it. When it’s time to go back to normality you will adjust. I wear a mask and wash hands regularly but I don’t feel fearful of getting sick tbh.

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 06:04

Vastasha... so are you still going into school regularly? Thanks for your reply..

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 26/06/2020 06:42

Yep, most teachers haven’t really stopped! I used to be on a rota but back to FT now.

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 06:49

Gosh... total admiration for you!

OP posts:
Ibake · 26/06/2020 07:13

@july are you in the UK? If so, that looks like you've been awake all night? Lack of sleep and managing any anxiety you are feeling do go hand in hand. @positivepixie I don't think your reply was at all kind or helpful. OP came on to express some worries she was feeling and the only helpful thing you can find to say is 'why not 2m?' She was outside at 1.5 m, obviously anxious and you berate her!
OP I think you need to work out how you are going to start getting back out there otherwise you are going to let your fear cripple you and there really is no need. Currently the risk levels are low, you were outside and the risk of transmission is significantly lower outside. Restrictions have been lifted across many areas already and you may not be ready for those yet but you need to remember that your MH is just as important as any slight risk of catching Covid. Locking yourself away isn't good for you, connecting with a friend, outside and at a distance is good for you.
What is your actual risk profile for Covid? You don't say much about your circumstances but if you're relatively young, reasonably fit & healthy and not on the official shielded list then I really think you are worrying unnecessarily. Even if you were to catch it you are extremely unlikely to be seriously ill, but you are possibly at risk of making yourself ill if you worry, stay awake all night and don't get enough fresh air and exercise. Maybe your friend suggested meeting up because she's concerned about you.
My suggestion would be to arm yourself with facts and figures - there's loads of info out there on current levels in your own area - and start to make some baby steps back into the world. Good luck!

userxx · 26/06/2020 07:19

Please don't worry, the risk of getting the virus is tiny. Try and work on your anxiety as you can't stay locked up forever, life is for living.

HugeAckmansWife · 26/06/2020 07:20

I agree with the pp that there is a much lower risk of community transmission than many realise. You were outside, keeping a distance, it's fairly unlikely your friend was infectious anyway plus you are not in a high risk category. Asthma alone, unless it's severe, is not apparently as much of an issue as they they thought. I think far greater risk is present from fear and incipient agoraphobia.

SallyWD · 26/06/2020 07:22

Talking to someone outside at a 1.5m distance is very low risk. It's very unlikely the person had the virus. We've met friends for a walk several times and weren't able to maintain that distance all the time.

ShinyMe · 26/06/2020 07:24

My friend has shielded throughout, but in the last month or two we've started seeing each other. She has a serious underlying issue and would really struggle with covid (she ends up in hospital on oxygen for a week any time she has a chest infection as it is). I stand at the bottom of her garden path, over 2m away I expect, probably more like 3, and she stays in the doorway and chats. She's happy that she feels safe, and I've offered to wear a mask if she prefers.

So long as you weren't coughing or shouting and spraying droplets all over each other OP, then I think what you did sounds pretty low risk.

pigeon999 · 26/06/2020 07:36

We have been advised by our consultant that we are at no greater risk from Covid with asthma than anyone else, so you can relax.

Obesity and diabetes seem to be bigger indicators of covid complications than asthma.

As long as you are careful you should ensure your time with friends, and the risk is tiny. The virus could be here for years, we need to start learning to live with it.

Duckfinger · 26/06/2020 07:39

Right, well I have been in school all the way through where as you know we don't use PPE or distancing within bubbles and we have had no cases in the whole time. So my view is probably a little skewed in terms of risk assessment but...

I think to get it in perspective you have to think how many people have the virus (I have seen 1 in 1700 suggested) if you and the people you are meeting have been following the rules it is very unlikely you or they are carrying the virus.

If the person you are meeting is not carrying the virus it is impossible for you to catch it even if you were to give them a big snog. Which you aren't going to do, you are going to maintain a distance just in case.

Therefore it is perfectly safe to meet someone outside at a distance and they it is allowed as part of the guidelines.

InDubiousBattle · 26/06/2020 07:42

I completely agree with Ibake. The chances of getting the virus from 40 minute chat an asymptomatic friend outside at a 1.5m distance is very small.

When it's time to go back to normality you will adjust
That time is now, or at it's time to start adjusting to the new normal. It was never going to be the case that the virus was 'defeated' and we could all just go back to pre virus normal. If you're waiting for that you could be waiting months and months. Have a look at the government guidelines op. In your position I would be trying to do the things you're allowed to under them, meeting friends outside, going to the shops if there's things you need etc.

WinningEveryDay · 26/06/2020 07:56

You'll be fine and should plan to do more. The less you do for longer, the harder it is to return to 'normality'.

TeacupDrama · 26/06/2020 08:51

The risks outside are minimal all new clusters/ spikes in Europe have been associated with indoor activities parties factories choirs etc, this is why there have been no spikes from outdoor events like Easter VE day bank holiday weekend or protests, there is some research saying they can't find evidence of outdoor transmission
The virus is primarily spend by contact or close proximity for several minutes, briefly passing someone closer ie on a pavement or shopping aisle or by touching something is a theoretical risk that could happen but compared to risks of close proximity over time is tiny.
Firstly the risk that your friend has it is very low, if she did she didn't appear to have symptoms so wasn't coughing, people without symptoms are less likely to spread it as not speading droplets as not coughing. Even if she did have it the risk of catching at 1metre is about 13% and you were further away, the distance in most countries in Europe is 1.5 or 1 metre. Honestly you should not worry about this. We all take risks every day some people take more risks than others normally mountain climbers scuba divers fishermen miners etc some are more risk adverse whether physically financially. I don't know where you live but some areas of the country are more risky than others, met your friend again stay outside the guidelines are guidelines if you feel happier at 1.5 metres when guidelines say 1 metre stick at 1.5 metres

Original poster
Julynearlyhere · 26/06/2020 09:29

Thanks for all these replies! Have just read them.
Yes, I should’nt be so worried about outdoor meetings I guess. I wouldn’t meet anyone indoors yet certainly.
I’ll just have to make a decision next time based on how I’m feeling. I felt yesterday that I couldn’t stay locked away forever but didn’t realise how worried I’d be afterwards.
I hope the virus dies out but as a PP said it may be around for a long time, so in that case I’ll have to start meeting people instead of staying in.
I go for walks and go to the supermarket and feel ok about those things

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 26/06/2020 10:35

I have been making weekly trips to the supermarket and using public loos (eg at petrol stations) so am potentially coming into contact with other people's germs there, but I haven't arranged to meet anyone indoors yet.

I have started meeting up with people outside though, since that's been allowed. Saw my sister earlier this week for the first time since Christmas when we met at a NT place half way between our houses.

I suspect we didn't quite keep 2m apart all day, but we didn't touch and we talked while walking or sitting next to each other, so our faces were looking forward in the same direction, rather than at each other (so less risk of having breathed in each other's germs).

I think there was little risk involved in this and am planning to see more of other people (again outdoors) as time goes on.

thepeopleversuswork · 26/06/2020 11:22

The risk of infection outdoors is really very low, even at closer range than that. PopsiclePixie your response was really quite unhelpful.

It's natural to feel a bit anxious about it and I think its important to go at a pace you're comfortable with. Part of the difficulty of this stage of lockdown is that increasingly you're not in control of other people's interpretation of the rules and sometimes it can be hard to lay down boundaries without the worry of causing offence. But you need to feel comfortable about what you do.

I really wouldn't worry about this particular interaction though. The chances of your contracting COVID from this are vanishingly small.

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