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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm adopted and recently found out that I am one quarter Sámi

168 replies

KolyaReindeer · 25/06/2020 23:58

Name changed because I would never hurt my parents but what do I do with this information?

I am living proof that nature outweighs nurture as I have always had very specific interests that my parents and big sister did not share - mostly large animal/snow related. Bizarre but genuinely true!

Apparently when I was born I had blue black hair and I have very dark brown eyes and a very rare Rh Neg blood group too. Until I did a DNA test I just thought that these things happened randomly but I googled pics of Sámi people and one of them looked more like my sister than my sister does!

As above, what do I do with this info, how do I process it? I love my Mum and Dad and my Sister but I cannot help but think that my 'heritage' needs acknowledging as well.

OP posts:
NellieandRufus · 26/06/2020 07:48

I would recommend DNA testing with Ancestry as well if you are interested in tracing your birth family. Their database is by far the biggest so may well give you more matches.

Tezza1 · 26/06/2020 07:56

@LuluJakey1 Research seems to show A blood group people are more prone to coronavirus!

Great. I already fit into four vulnerable categories. Seriously, I may never leave the house again except for medical purposes.

I thought something like 6% of the population was A negative blood group. That was with the Blood Bank told me the first time I gave blood. But reading the original poster above, I thought it might be connected to some specific group (like some genetic illnesses seem to be), and I might have a slightly different background than my presumed Irish/English genetic inheritance.

TatianaBis · 26/06/2020 08:00

This is so exciting OP - the Sami are fascinating.

I’d take the Neanderthal with a pinch of salt - a friend of mine’s family all tested the same.

monkeyonthetable · 26/06/2020 08:07

OP, I think there are loads of things you can do to discover more about your ancestry without upsetting anyone. You can look into Sami people's culture and history. You can look into epigenetics (fascinating new-ish scientific discovery that some memories from before we were born are encoded in our genes and passed down, which can explain certain likes, dislikes, behaviours, hang-ups, talents etc.) And of course you could start to trace your birth mother and try to find out more about who your birth father is. You don't need to share any of this with your parents if you think it would upset them.

BigBadVoodooHat · 26/06/2020 08:07

This is so exciting OP - the Sami are fascinating.

Was just about to say the same thing. I’m fascinated by Sami culture.

Congrats, OP - I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit envious!

hopeishere · 26/06/2020 08:09

There's was a big bit in the Stockholm Museum about the Sami people. So interesting.

Orangeblossom78 · 26/06/2020 08:13

I have A Rh neg blood too. Not sure how rare it is, but you need a jab if pregnant. Just to mention. Smile

Ineedcoffee2345 · 26/06/2020 08:19

Rh negative isnt 'very rare' as you would think. I have it as does my grandmother, mother and 2 daughters

sueelleker · 26/06/2020 08:19

Goodness, Hollyhobbi; your family tree sounds as if it might be rather complicated!

Dinocan · 26/06/2020 08:27

Dh is part Norwegian. All his Norwegian side are very tall, very dark and look more central Asian than white British, we wondered whether there were Sámi genes there. Dd has inherited the look too despite me being completely different. They do seem to be very strong genes. Presumably lots of people from Norway have some? Dh grandparents came to Britain during ww2 (we’re not quite sure why). They changed their name to sound British but eventually changed it back once established here. I hope you can find out more about your ancestry, it’s fascinating.

dogwithmohican · 26/06/2020 08:27

It is never too late. My DF who is 86, found out his birth father’s name last year. Obviously his father had passed away and there are no siblings that we can find but this meant so much to him. We also managed to trace a neighbour who was able to give my DF a photo of his father and tell him something about his father.

StCharlotte · 26/06/2020 08:31

Do you have an un Godly usual singing technique OP?

WanderingMilly · 26/06/2020 08:32

I have done a great deal of travelling/living in the regions where the Sami people live and work, mostly across the top of Norway, Sweden and Finland. I have not yet been to the Russian side.

If I were you , I would explore this side of yourself as much as you can. If you have Sami heritage you might want to know where (location-wise) it came from.

You might also want to read up much more deeply about the Sami people, there are different groups of Sami and different ways of dealing with the idea of having "Sami blood".

Some Sami have modernised, some stick to the old ways of reindeer herding across the northern Arctic lands. Some groups are not reindeer herders at all but coastal Sami, who are adept at fishing. Some Sami groups have certain health problems, groups also have different variations of the language....you can learn the Sami language if you so wish....nicest if you can visit Sami areas but given the current pandemic, a lot can be done online.

Given the BLM movement, you might want to think carefully abut the parallels (not the same but persecution links). Colonialism affected the Sami people too. White Europeans from the south moved up into Sami lands, took their lands from them (the Arctic is empty, right? No it isn't, thousands of indigenous peoples lived there and still do, it's their land). Sami roamed across the whole region but white Europeans divided the land up into borders....Russia, Finland, Norway, Sweden etc. This means that different countries deal with the "Sami problem" differently. In Norway, the Sami have a voice and a parliament at Karasjok...look it up on the internet, they have a huge collection of Sami knowledge and campaign for Sami rights to be heard.

Other countries also have Sami parliaments too, but to a lesser extent. The greatest number of Sami live in Arctic Norway. In Russia the Sami have no rights and are not recognised as a distinct people in the same way. The UN also has Sami on their indigenous peoples board, the internet has meant that many indigenous peoples are able to unite and campaign for their voices to be heard in a way they couldn't before.

You may feel this is far from your own search. However, I mention it because being a Sami or saying you have Sami blood in your ancestry can be problematic. Sami people suffered a great deal of harm in the 20th century, when the white governing population in Scandinavia decided the Sami nomadic lifestyle made them uncivilised, Sami children were wrenched from families and put into boarding schools, told they were inferior and must learn to live like Europeans. The Sami languages were banned....

These days there is a move to reinstate all that was lost, Sami has to be allowed by law and you will find signs in Sami as well as Finnish/Norwegian/Swedish in northern Europe. A bit like the Welsh in the UK.

However, all this has meant that some people, learning that they have Sami blood, refuse to tell anyone and it is a well-guarded family secret. Some feel ashamed to be Sami and do not want to identify with the past......it could be that this affected your adoption, or your adoption may have been for entirely different reasons, of course. Some people feel it's important to unearth their Sami roots and wish to identify as Sami, campaign and so on. You might want to watch the film, "Sami Blood" - look it up on the internet, and also read around the film beforehand. You should be able to find an English version, or one in Norwegian with English subtitles. It will give you lots more understanding of the issues, but it will also make you cry...…!

Good luck with your search. The Sami are wonderful people, I have every respect for them......

Velvian · 26/06/2020 08:37

Is your sister also adopted? I'm confused by the part of your op where you say some pictures you have googled look like your sister, but then you also talk having interests that your parents and sister don't share.

Justaboy · 26/06/2020 08:37

My DNA shows that while I am mainly British and Irish I also have Scandinavian and Finnish ancestors. I also apparently have "more Neanderthal DNA than 66% of other customers." I'm guessing that explains my mega hairy legs then.

Well thats a fine old mix thats far more intersting than my very simple Anglo Irish ness!

And pray what is wrong with a wide mix of genes?, you are what you are OP you can't chage it and why would you want to?

I live in an area with a good old mix of people living here its bloody facinsating where some are from and who they descend from:)

picklemewalnuts · 26/06/2020 08:39

@Velvian

Is your sister also adopted? I'm confused by the part of your op where you say some pictures you have googled look like your sister, but then you also talk having interests that your parents and sister don't share.
I think Op means that the person in the photo looks more like they could be her sister than her actual sister.
Ludicrousoverpricing · 26/06/2020 08:43

RhD negative blood, regardless of your ABO group, is not rare or special in any way shape or form. Hmm It's extremely common, very well understood and a very normal blood group to have in the UK.

It is rare in other ethnic populations such as Japan, where less than 1% of ethnically Japanese people have the gene that gives the RhD negative phenotype.

Toptotoeunicolour · 26/06/2020 08:44

OP 23andme has a very US centric data base. Ancestry.co.uk has a much wider UK database. I have done both and have found all sorts of interesting contacts from the ancestry.co.uk one but none from the 23andme one. My son's father is South American though so he has more close contacts on the 23andme one. If you are keen to find more, and you are UK based, it may be worth trying ancestry.co.uk.
We have contact now with the granddaughter of a lady who was born out of wedlock to one of my grandfather's brothers - that's quite a distant relationship but we were able to figure it out.
Good luck with your search.

Genevieva · 26/06/2020 09:00

From what you have said I think your parents would enjoy learning what you have discovered and being part of your journey.

Be careful not to latch on to particular physical characteristics as sámi. All blood types are found in all populations and the percentage of each, though variable, doesn't vary by that much. There are A-, AB- and AB+ in my family and none of us have any Sámi heritage. Similarly, some Sámi people have blonde hair and blue eyes.

Your interest in snow is fascinating though and could be a real link. I do believe in those sorts of things being part of our genetic blueprint. We are, after all, biological creatures like any other creature on the planet. There was a study of songbirds once that involved removing their ability to sing and bringing up the next generation in an entirely silent environment. The chicks did sing, but it was a simple tune. The next generation that they brought up only had access to this simple form of song. They, intern did sing and they song was more complex than their parents, but it was not as complex as their ancestors. By the third generation the birds had rediscovered the song of their ancestors even though they had been brought up with a simpler version of bird song. The ability to develop that song was innate - it just needed a little stimulation to express itself.

ralphi · 26/06/2020 09:01

I think the increased corona risk is linked to Blood group A rather than to A negative.

banivani · 26/06/2020 09:08

OP, while I don't believe in that it's in your biology per se to like snow Wink I do empathise with your desire to know more about where you come from so to speak genetically. Even given that these ancestry DNA tests can make mistakes 25% seems to show a definite Sami link!

I'm Swedish myself albeit not from a Sami area, but would like to confirm that Sami are still around and you have every chance to for example travel and learn more about your heritage if you want to.

On a more direct basis I recommend the film Sami Blood to everyone en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sami_Blood - about the mistreatment of Sami by the Swedish government, seen through the eyes of one girl/woman and her family.

I'm not familiar with how things have been in Finland in particular, but I'm guessing your grandfather's half Sami-ness might well have been denied. I have an accquaintance who found a photograph of a great grandmother or someone with reindeer, indicating a Sami link, and her older relatives were vehemently against the very idea "we're not fucking Lapps". However, record keeping in Sweden and Finland has been excellent so locating relations might not be impossible.

Also Miss Smilla's Sense of Snow is one of my favourite books but yes, she's from Greenland. Still worth reading though and there is a lot about colonialism in it.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2020 09:11

Before you all get too carried away with blood groups and Covid, the research is not proven. It's a theory. It's been hyped up by papers like the Mail but if you actually read the small print, the researches say it could be a coincidence, perhaps not to do with blood group at all, but community-based, etc. Lots of factors involved.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2020 09:12

@Orangeblossom78 You don't always need a jab. I have 2 DCs am Rh A- and never had a jab. It's if your baby was jaundiced they can give you a jab to protect a 2nd baby.

Genevieva · 26/06/2020 09:14

@ralphi, The ABO grouping and the rhesus grouping are different aspects of blood so anything about the A group will include both + and -. Basically it is about what sort of antibodies and antigens you have. O- is ideal for red blood cell donation because it has no antibodies on the surface of the red blood cells and instead has lots of antigens in the plasma. AB+ blood can only be given to AB+ people for the same reason, but it is ideal for plasma donation because it has all the antigens on the red blood cells and no antibodies in the plasma (until you have kids when, because their blood type might have been different your plasma is no longer considered reliably antibody-free).

Orangeblossom78 · 26/06/2020 09:15

OK I had a jab in pregnancy but maybe things have changed.