7 year olds and a mobile phone...

[PunkyPirate]

My dd is 7. She's fairly innocent for her age, well, I feel she is compared to some of her peers, I worry she'll be left behind her social group. More so since lockdown and she is being shielded so hasn't had any interaction with other children.

She's had an amazing imagination and will make a game out of anything, she lives her Barbies, dolls and small world play.

A school friend of hers came to the front gate this morning. We stood on the door step and was so excited to see them.

They are taller than her and just seemed so much more grown up than she is. They were going on about their mobile phone and Xbox games, neither of these things my dd has shown an interest in, and personally I feel 7 is too young for a mobile phone.

But now I'm worrying I am burying in my head in the sand and babying my dd. I don't want her to be the the only child who doesn't have a phone or take part in these games.

AIBU to think a 7 year shouldn't have a phone? Am I worrying about nothing?

Set your own standards, don't worry about others. Childhood is short, so don't worry about DD being babyish, she's 7!!! I'd be more concerned about 7 year olds routinely using technology instead of playing.

My 5 nearly 6 year old has her own tablet but is restricted on it. She's allowed to talk to her dad on video call whenever she wants to though and she knows how to check if he's online (restricted app that you add contacts on she has just her dad on it - Messenger Kids if anyone wants to know).

She also plays the Nintendo Switch for an hour or so at the weekend but if she doesn't ask to go on I don't remind her.

She won't be getting a phone until it's completely necessery, not before she's in year 5 but hopefully more like year 6 or 7.

Of my 8 year olds peers I am aware of one with a mobile phone. I'm not big on giving kids internet access that isn't highly restricted, but aside from that feel that lockdown is a good time to get phones. My 8 year old has been making a lot of calls to friends lately, and everything I do while making dinner is on my phone - shopping list, a podcast I want to listen to, recipes. Often when she wants to call a friend their parents are on conference calls! I basically only want her to be able to WhatsApp call people.

Mine is 9 and doesn't have a phone. She can WhatsApp some of her friends (mums) on my phone, but she has to ask, and I often say no. Not sure I'll get her a phone before Year 7 or even 8!

My 9 year old has a phone, and we added a SIM card before lockdown as she had started going to and from school on her own. Also, at weekends and evenings she is out without me, just back and forth to friends houses etc.
But with the SIM card, I can track her location and she can call me if she needs anything.

To me, it’s no different to having a tablet. Which she also has. I’ve removed safari, it’s full of parental controls so she can’t do anything without my knowledge.
She also loves to read, draw, craft and play with her barbies still.

Your 9 year old is out of an evening without you? Are you in the UK? Our local primary school does not allow children to walk to/from school without an adult until year 6 (age 10/11).

My niece is 10 and attends a naice primary. None of her friends have phones, most parents avoid giving children their own tablets and only allow some limited use of a parents device.

Roughly around 11 seems to be normal. There is no point until they have a decent amount of independence.

Way too young. My eldest got one at 13. They don’t need one and once they have one there is no going back.

My 7 year old dd does have a phone.
It was a lot cheaper than an ipad!
Her school have been sending links to stuff for the kids every day, expecting them to work online.
She has a few phone numbers in the memory. Me, my mum and dad, my sister.
The phone is set to reject calls from numbers not saved
It's great if we ate travelling long distances to see people as she texts to say when we are leaving it on the motorway.
She has a few games on it. She cant download any others without permission

Its linked to mine through family link. So I can control total screen time and time on each app.
I didn't plan for this!
But for me, it was the best way for her to access her online schoolwork

Yes, YABU and judgemental. Just because your child does not need a phone, that is not the same for other children. Some may have one for perfectly legitimate reasons.

My daughter got her first phone at 8. It wasn't a smartphone and did nothing other but make calls. At the time, she had a very time consuming hobby (almost 20 hours a week) which she did to quite a high level. Classes varied between 2 and 4 hours in length, so it was not possible to stay and wait whilst they did the class.

One of her classes was in a village hall which had no parking, nowhere to wait, so I would drop her from the main road, watch her walk down to the door (although due to the angle of the door, you could not see the children going in).

One week, I dropped her out the front of the building, watched her walk down to the door, and drove off to collect my youngest from her class. Only it turned out, the class had been cancelled, but the message hadn't come to me. So my 8 year old was left in a village about 10 miles away from my house with no public phone box and no means to contact me. Thankfully, she was able to stop an older lady, who allowed my daughter to borrow her phone and call me to pick her up. The first thing I did after that was to get her a phone. It was only ever used when she went to her hobby etc, but it was very helpful that as there was a range of people who picked her up (she did her hobby over 5 days a week), and someone was late, we could text her and say we would be late, or X's dad would be bringing her back tonight etc...

Sometimes there can be very genuine reasons for a child to have a phone. So personally, I do what is right for my child and try not to judge others who are doing what's right for their child.

I should have said it made calls and texts. Think a very basic phone with no camera!

No phone at 7 is surely the norm.

Mine had a DS (handheld game not darling son!) and a few Wii games for bad weather days.

My 7 year old has a phone - it doesn't even switch on but she tells me she gets lots of calls and texts from her boyfriend and she chats away to him quite a lot... The boyfriend being Mr Bean 🤔🤣

Not everyone else knows that though and as far as she tells people she does have a mobile phone and they will see her with one I suppose, I don't know anyone that age with a working phone.

My daughter had an iPhone 6 when she was 5 (my old one)

And now she’s 8, has an iPhone 7. She uses it mainly for YouTube.

I know what she does on it. She doesn’t have a sim, everything is rigged up to my account so I see what is said and downloaded. With regards to whom she speaks with, that’s just my niece.

Everyone’s different, if your daughter isn’t showing any interest, don’t worry. It made sense to me to pass on my old phones as she would have just been stealing mine.

Both of mine has them in year 7. I was always gobsmacked when I worked at my children’s school seeing all the year 3-6’s putting their phones in the box in reception. Makes no sense.

I let my 6yo play with my old iPhone sometimes and under supervision. She calls it her phone.

She does also have a tablet for school though that she is now a total whizz on after lockdown. Maybe a tablet could be good for your daughter if you can afford one, to help her get used to some digital skills?

It’s never wise to judge how other raise their children.
The friend may have a phone because her parents have separated and it’s how they stay in contact with her parents.
There are ways to restrict access on phones etc.

My ds (8) has one without a SIM card that he uses to FaceTime and message his friends and play games on.
My daughter had a ‘proper’ phone for 11th birthday.

My daughter is 8 in a few months and no way is she having a phone until she starts secondary school. She likes to read books, does activity books,crafts, we have a small shared device for internet use and YouTube.
She can talk to family on my phone. She doesn't feel like she's missing out on anything.

...she is being shielded so hasn't had any interaction with other children.

Truthfully I'd be looking for a way of her interacting, as much as lockdown is easing, we could end up going back into another complete lockdown. We are in this mess until we have a vaccine.

A phone may / may not be the best and I assume she could use yours as required.

I went down the Xbox route for DS9. He's been having a lot of fun chatting with friends on there, mainly playing Minecraft.

I think I'd find out how her friends are communicating and go from there. They might be using Zoom or Skype so an old phone or tablet will do.

People are so judgemental about tech.
My DDs only had Barbies until they were twelve and they played house with their friends and my DSs played outside from morning to night with only stones. Well bully for them. They probably also went to school 5 days a week.

We live in different times. Oddest time for a hundred years. Get her some tech to stay in touch.

My dd is 8 - she has a smartphone (old iPhone with no sim) an iPad (she's had one since she was 5) and a laptop. She also has an xbox console which is my sons old one. She uses the iPad for FaceTiming and Skyping her friends from school. On her laptop she plays roblox (as do most 8 year olds I know) and does her school work. On the console it's usually mine craft. She is currently reading gangster granny, doing one of those murder mysteries that comes through every week, plays on her gym bar and in the paddling pool. We do a cycle ride every other day and she also uses her scooter. I think she would be alienated without the iPad in particular atm because that's the only way she is seeing other kids her age. It's great to hear them all chatting away - they've even been doing some homework together. It possible for kids to enjoy what we did as children and make the most of what they as children now have available. As a pp said you do what's right for yours but I am very happy with the balance my child has.

And we do crafts - yesterday we did tie dye and slime

My 8yo has a phone to talk/text her dad on and to call/text me if needed whens she's with him as he can't be trusted to actually call me if she requests it. It doesn't have any apps just texts and calls and only has 3 numbers saved in it. I don't see an issue with it. I had originally said not until she went to secondary school but I wanted her to be able to contact me directly if needed. Didn't realise that made me such a bad parent 😂

Mine have tablets and our old phones. Age 8 and 10. Even the 4 year old has an amazon fire. They play roblox, chat to friends, the older one even has a school maths app on hers. I think you need to decide for yourself if your dd will be left behind and not be swayed by the tech=bad brigade.

I wonder if this isn't about the other child / children not having the same love for imaginative play as yours OP. It's easy to but a phone and xBox and tick a box but the best thing you can give your children at that age is time and space to explore the world on their own terms. Why ruin what your daughter has by replacing it with technology too early? There's plenty of time for that in a few years.