I have two young children with my STBH and he also has children with his ex wife. I have been in said children's lives for just short of six years now and of course I'm very fond of them.
Ex wife doesn't like me because I came on the scene a few months post split and she still thought there would be a way back for them (that was her hope, not his)
I am categorically not the other woman and I didn't know him when they were a couple. I met the girls for the first time after we had been together 6-7 months.
Mum has never warmed to me despite me making an effort to get along so I no longer bother trying.
Fast forward to now she still makes the odd remark about me "playing happy families" with her children and it makes me uncomfortable.
When the girls are at our house they are treat exactly the same as my own children by me in terms of kindness, being included and nice days out. I don't interfere with their custody arrangements or involve myself in discipline/telling off as it's not my place. I don't step on anybodies toes.
I don't refer to myself as their step mother (we aren't married yet) but I do think of them in that way. I'm not vocal about it and have never referred to them as my step children, not even to DP.
If I'm buying for my children then I will buy for the girls too because I think it is the right thing to do. If we are out and we take a photo of our DC then naturally the girls will be in the photo. I've made an effort to bond with them which should be the standard shouldn't it?
If playing happy families means having a good relationship with them and always making them feel welcome then I don't see what I'm doing wrong.
what I can do other than exclude them and make them feel unwelcome which I would never, ever do.
Surely you would want your exes new wife to be kind to your children.
What am I doing wrong?