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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my mother to clear up just a little after she cooks kids tea?

31 replies

Carotte · 25/09/2007 18:12

I know she was helping, but I have mastitis, a temperature and the shivers. She popped in for coffee and I asked if she could please make them beans on toast as DH is away and I am in pain on the sofa.

After umming and aaaghing and a couple of phone calls to delay drinks plans she cooked this for them, but then had to race off.

She patted me on the head and said she had to go now, sorry for not clearing up and I said that was fine I'd load the dishwasher later.

It's a total f*ing pigsty out there, food all over the floor, spilled on the table, pans piled up on the hob. I know she was doing me a favour but I wouldn't have made that much mess making beans on toast.

She went off feeling pleased with herself, and I could cry looking at the mess. DS1 has offered to help.

OP posts:
dramaqueen · 25/09/2007 18:16

Sorry but I think you are out of order. I understand you are ill, but if she had not pooped in you would have had to the kid's dinner and tidy up afterwards anyway. At least she took one thing off your list! Just be grateful for what help you have. Some people get no help at all from family.

Wisteria · 25/09/2007 18:17

YANBU

Bless your ds1.

Poor you - sending big cyber hug and lots of sympathy.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/09/2007 18:19

Ungrateful

BroccoliSpears · 25/09/2007 18:20

Was she making sure she wouldn't be asked to do it again?

BandofMothers · 25/09/2007 18:20

sounds to me like making the dinner and cleaning up might have been a lesser job than cleaning up after her mum tho dramaqueen.

Original poster
Carotte · 25/09/2007 18:21

Oh all right

some people have NO help, I know, but she really does hardly ever help. Perhaps a fever is making me petulant.

I will phone later and thank her again.

OP posts:
Wisteria · 25/09/2007 18:24

Sorry - you're all being a bit heartless IMO. I suppose expect is a little extreme but upset because she didn't (which is what I think she meant really) seems fair enough to me.

The lady has mastitis and it was her Mum, the majority of mothers would have helped a little more than that, would you not?!!

If she had something important to do then fair enough I would agree - but it was drinks plans she was running off to and I agree most people don't have family near (I didn't either), but she is not unreasonable feeling the way she does.

I remember having mastitis and it is bloody hard, wouldn't have taken her 5 minutes to sort it out.

JodieG1 · 25/09/2007 18:24

YANBU imho

Anna8888 · 25/09/2007 18:25

YANBU.

Really not.

No-one should leave a mess/trail behind them, whatever the circumstances.

pointydog · 25/09/2007 18:27

No you are not being unreasonable. I would much rather have made beans on toast myself in a farily tidy manner, than clean up after someonw who's made a dog's dinner of it.

Have a cry, get ds to help you, don't ask your mother again.

DaisyMOO · 25/09/2007 18:28

I'm struggling to believe that anyone feeling unwell would walk into their kitchen to find it a mess, and not be a little bit annoyed. It's true that lots of people have no help and that she did think she was doing the OP a favour, but from the sounds of it she's made more work than she's actually saved!

Original poster
Carotte · 25/09/2007 18:36

Yes, I should have said upset rather than expectation, it made me tearful which is probably just because I am ill.

Of course some people have no-one nearby to help. I guess I just wanted a Ma Larkin type of help rather than being an inconveniencee.

OP posts:
2shoes · 25/09/2007 18:49

what Wisteria said

sugarmatches · 25/09/2007 18:49

YANBU imo.
Helping out each other when you are ill or otherwise unable is what families should be about.
Just remember this and vow never to do it to your own dc.

Feel better.

kittywits · 25/09/2007 18:52

Carotte, do we have the same mother? Mine's like that, comes over all lady bountiful, thinks she's helped when actually she's caused me even more work

daisyandbabybootoo · 25/09/2007 18:59

sympathy on the mastitis Carotte...I had that last weekend and it was no fun at all. My DH was on the receiving end of my bad mood as a result of it.

So, maybe you're being a tad sensitive, but it would have been nice if she'd done the washing up for you as well

TheMadHouse · 25/09/2007 19:01

Carotte, I think your mum and mine must be related, YANBU.

I hope you are feeling better soon and that she cleans up next time - yeh right

nightowl · 25/09/2007 19:21

not unreasonable. i am one who gets little help unless i beg, then i get the umming and ahhhing. my mum would make a HUGE deal if i ever asked her to help when i was feeling ill (which i dont).

just this morning she had a major rant at me because i flippantly asked her to knock some crumbs off dd's trousers as we walked into nursery. me: "ooh can you just knock those off mum?" her: "why cant YOU do it?" me, shocked "well, because im loaded up with several bags...erm...i just thought it would be quicker than putting them all down". her: "tut tut..well she was facing YOU". me: mumble..."sorry"...kicks at floor.

the mess wouldn't be the issue for me. it would be more that her rushing off and leaving it would make me feel crap for asking, like it was majorly disrupting her life. she always makes me feel like that. could that be more why you're upset?

tori32 · 25/09/2007 19:22

If she had only left dirty dishes I would say you were ungrateful, but as she left it looking like Beruit under seige I say YANBU Although I do envy the fact she at least bothered to call round at short notice. My needs about 3mths notice to visit!

morningpaper · 25/09/2007 19:28

hMmm I would say YABU but I am not sure how beans on toast can create such a mess - surely 1 pan is involved and a spoon to stir it?!?

Lorayn · 25/09/2007 19:34

YANBU, I have had mastitis, and remember feeling bloody awful.

Making beans on toast should be really bloody simple!! and not at all messy.

moondog · 25/09/2007 19:35

I think you are perfectly reasonable.
Poor you,it wouldn't have taken much effort and would really have helped you.

FrannyandZooey · 25/09/2007 19:35

God no I would be livid

and I KNOW you would never be unreasonable Carotte

I can imagine it absolutely - and the martyred phone call to delay the drinks

we shall track her down and rub her nose in the bean juice

xXxamyxXx · 25/09/2007 19:36

poor you hope you feel better know how you feel i would never even ask my mother for her help{it would never be offered}as she makes you feel like you have asked her to donate you her kidney!made a song and dance of me asking could she possibly mind my well behaved ds{2} for a few hours whatever day suited so me and dh could paint living room and kitchen

Original poster
Carotte · 25/09/2007 19:43

Tori - it has been a couple of months since the last popping in! She has been away at festivals all summer (which is fine of course). DCs were pleased to see her.

MP - I don't know how there was so much mess either. She did scrambled egg as well and it looks like she burnt the butter in the first one, so there was that and the new one and the bean one and her hot chocolate one, spillages...

Oh it's boring, I know. I am going to bed after a bath and really hope it's improved by tomorrow. Thanks for well wishes.

OP posts:
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