To be a bit jealous of my neighbour's daughter

[perpetuallyunimpressed]

My OH and I have been together 17 years. 2 DD to my knowledge he has never been unfaithful and I can't remember really feeling jealous of any women he's known before. We live on a road with mostly elderly people.

At the beginning of lockdown the 4 of us were out for a walk with me and when i turned back OH was chatting to a woman and we waited a few minutes while they chatted and then he said she's the daughter of the couple that live 2 doors up from us. She's had to move in just prior to lockdown for some reason which isn't clear to me. First time he'd met her.

Then as the food shortages got a bit difficult he mentioned he's got some bits which we needed but hadn't been able to get, great, where from? he met her out again on another walk and they exchanged numbers then she contacted him to ask would he like anything.

Then some second hand clothes turned up that the neighbours grandchildren had outgrown, and a few more groceries. OH got a few things for them.

I know all this sounds completely reasonable and nice and it is but whenever I see this woman she just says hi as we pass and I find it a bit weird that she's such good chums with him but never speaks to me.

I have been working a lot since lockdown, long days and nights and weekends and OH has mostly been furloughed at home with the kids. I mentioned it to OH and he just brushed it off and seems completely innocent but he is a bit naive and I'm not sure he would notice if someone was giving him the come on. AIBU to have a weird feeling about it all?

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@thevanguardsix haha yes well there is that. Men seem to like popping out for errands too. My work guys are always happy to go and do the post etc and I'm more than happy with that. There's nothing sinister they just like to go out and do stuff

And yes I'm sure husbands like to be useful/appreciated - my brother recently put his back out putting springs in the single mum neighbours trampoline. But he is most definitely not having an affair or fancying her!!!! He does things around the house so is not giving her anything extra. But then his wife, my lovely sister in law, is a very gracious and appreciative person so I'm sure he gets attention for the things he does at home too.

But do single women go after married men? Not in my world. Just as many married women have affairs with married men as do single women. And married men sometimes prefer married women because it's easier to manage.

If a single woman blanks you but not your husband even though you are friendly then absolutely not on. But if you are on a walk and they know him but not you then they are not trying to be funny they just don't know you.

I always make a point to talk to the wives of these men (I'm walking my dog so will see the men more) if I encounter them both. But if I was a more shy person I might not.

[GreyGardens88]

@Pinkchocolate

I don’t think you sound paranoid at all. Is he normally this friendly? My husbands speaks to most people but exchanging numbers with a neighbour is a bit much for my liking.

The sexism in this thread is unnerving.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@Ori37
I sound like a jealous woman, and I am, for good reason, I don't want another single 40-something woman moving in on my DH! Not saying she will but fuck that shit, I'd be shutting that down right now.

You obviously have the one in a million husband who is gorgeous and witty and isn't responsible for children. Most of the ones I see are not exactly my target market. Driving an estate, having not much hair, and surrounded by children don't exactly light my fire. Then the whole thing of if you ever got together being literally shunned by his whole social circle and him having no money or time, and having an ex wife that wants to kill you plus all your mates thinking you are shit.

Yeah. Even if you are not vastly over estimating your husbands physical attractiveness youre forgetting about the massive amount of baggage he has.

Being single does not equal being desperate. Single women have these things called tinder and bumble that enable us to find attractive single men really quickly. We don't need your diy obsessed husbands who can never take holidays or go out anywhere decent.

When I see this IRL I always think how sweet it is that the wife thinks he's that attractive. Because only she does. 😂

[RedPanda2]

@Vodkacranberryplease exactly this!!! Single women are NOT after your balding MAMIL, I can assure you

[poppyfieldsinmay]

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, he shouldn’t keep chatting to her alone

My fiance and I have an agreement that if any new people come into our lives wanting to be friends with either of us, then we need to make friends with them as a couple...but it makes us (or, maybe just me grin ) more comfortable

I find comments like this deeply weird and controlling. You should not be controlling who your partner is friends with, or who they can talk to, or how they can talk to them. It's controlling, and frankly, abusive behaviour.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@GreyGardens88
The sexism in this thread is unnerving. it's not sexism. It's misogyny.

And mate guarding, which I totally get. If my partner suddenly became all pally with some hot 30 year old I'd be pissed off! With HIM. But a) lockdown, b) neighbour probably trying to find resource for aging parents c) not young and stupid enough to think married is a good idea. Plus the op has had less contact and therefore doesn't know enough. She should go out with the husband, be friendly, and then decide.

Deciding all single women in their 40s are a threat is just horrible. What are we supposed to do, live in separate areas? Do I want to live among couples and families? No. But I want a safe nice area with a garden, so here I am 'the only gay in the village'. Does she want to be there, away from work and friends? No. So she's being friendly to the people who are friendly to her.

Fucking hell. There needs to be an app for normal single women to meet other normal single women so they don't have to put up with this shit. Or maybe we should wear badges so we know each other when we pass in the street.

Or maybe have our own places to live - like Kroger colonies.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Leper colonies! Not Kroger colonies!

[Simonfromharlow]

I had a feeling about my husband and a woman at work. They are now living together. Don't ignore instinct.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Work is a lot different, That's 8 hour days plus socialising. Not passing someone in the street asking if they have a lawnmower you can borrow of want some spare children's clothes because you don't want them to go to waste.

At work men can pretend to be brow beaten etc. Close to home is not so easy.

[phoenixrosehere]

It's never occurred to me to think that if my partner is talking to another woman that means they are on for some hot action together later. I've always had male friends and my partners have often had female friends. I've just regarded that as normal. I mean its not bloody Saudi Arabia. And if the only way to stop your partner from shagging other people is to keep them sex-segregated then you need to seriously re-evalutate your marriage. Besides, its a rubbish strategy as there are so many married people's dating sites that if they want to shag around they can.

Absolutely this. Plus, from what OP has said, she is the one working while he is furloughed and watching the kids. Also, how would they even get it on? Is he going to drop the kids somewhere else while OP is working?

My husband is working while I’m furloughed and I know he wouldn’t be jealous of me talking to a male neighbour. He’d actually be happy that I was talking to another adult knowing how I’m struggling with being furloughed and being back in the SAHM role.

Besides, OP, you husband is an adult and married to you and can easily turn her down if she does show some interest in him beyond being a neighbour unless you don’t trust your husband.

[EmmiJay]

You sound like my neighbour. I barely speak to her but her husband always stops and has a chat. Been neighbours for nearly 6 yrs! All innocent on my part (he has eyed my boobs more than once😑) but I wouldn't touch him with HER bargepole. Keep an eye on him. Next time you see them chatting just join in?

[Flyinggeese]

SchrodingersImmigrant it would be less of a 'threat', yes. Don't you think?

[Isthisnothing]

We have a younger single mum living on either side where we live. One is always friendly to my husband alone but never stops for a chat with me. I am extremely friendly to her but have now given up and think she's ridiculous. I can't imagine she fancies him given he's about twenty years older than her. So I've no idea what she's at. I don't care either, am certain he does not find her attractive and I have never worried about him straying anyway.

But when I pointed out to him one day that she behaves completely differently with both of us I said I would not be comfortable with him going into hers for DIY or anything along those lines. He said of course he wouldn't. I was relieved as I wouldn't have insisted.

To be honest I wouldn't like the exchanging numbers. Would this be unusual for your husband? It would be for mine, he's quite reserved.

I think you need to take action here to put your mind at rest. As you can see from the responses, opinions vary wildly on whether this is worrying or not.

The next time you see her, stop "hi, I'm husband's wife, we haven't been properly introduced. Thanks for sending the clothes. How long are you staying? Also let us know if we can return the favour picking things up for you. I'll give you my number."

If she messages your husband instead of you after that I would be drawing a clear boundary around it and asking him not to engage with her.

If he insists or persists then I'd say you have a problem.

[KrisAkabusi]

*The next time you see her, stop "hi, I'm husband's wife, we haven't been properly introduced. Thanks for sending the clothes. How long are you staying? Also let us know if we can return the favour picking things up for you. I'll give you my number."

If she messages your husband instead of you after that I would be drawing a clear boundary around it and asking him not to engage with her. *

But why would she stop texting your husband because if such an encounter? She's still his friend. Just because she has now met you does not mean she has to cease contact with him. Or are men not allowed female friends?

Again, this is controlling behaviour that would not be acceptable if it was coming from a man.

[Isthisnothing]

They're hardly friends, they are just exploring the possibility of being friends. If she's not prepared to explore the same possibility with op then she's quite likely a PITA in some way.

I was the single lady turning up everywhere for years and I would always be conscious of this. I also have lots of male friends. Some couples would have no problem with a new female getting friendly with husband, some do. Unless this woman is a complete idiot she knows this and she doesn't know what sort of relationship op and husband have.

[Cam77]

You’ve been together 17 years. We have one paragraph to go off. Surely you know if he’s being weird???

[Dixiechickonhols]

I'm neighbourly and DH isn't (and works away a lot) I go to residents meetings (usually me and 3 men), admin the estate facebook group etc. I speak to and email neighbours he hasn't got a clue who they are. Never struck me as odd. I've been married 18 years. But if you are getting an odd vibe then I also think don't ignore it.

[SparkyBlue]

In normal circumstances the exchanging numbers would be odd but I did find that coronavirus brought a lot of neighbours together and people did exchange numbers in case one party was unwell or whatever and needed some help so that in itself in the current times wouldn't be odd. However your senses are telling you that something is "off " in this situation so trust your gut.

[Mittens030869]

I wouldn't be concerned about this, as I do trust my DH and he's never been in any way over friendly towards other women. And he's also always been entirely honest with me. There have been a couple of times when I've had suspicions that a woman was showing too much interest (my ex best friend at one time!), but it didn't bother me because I know my DH and that I can trust him.

The only thing in the OP's situation would worry me is that the neighbours' DD is completely unwilling to talk to her at all whilst being over friendly with her DH. But, as I said, if she trusts her DH, then it doesn't actually matter if this woman tries to flirt with him.

[Ori37]

@Vodkacranberryplease

But do single women go after married men? Not in my world.

Then you haven't had much life experience IMHO. Just because this hasn't happened in your world, I can assure you, it does happen. Some single women do find married men very attractive - perhaps a case of the forbidden fruit. Some single women prefer to target married men. Some. Not all. Most single women want to find single partners to build their lives with. But again.........not all.

And not all married men are highly unattractive, whilst being circled by screaming children. Not all of them carry baggage. Nor do they all drive cars straight out of the 1950's!

Some married men - yes some - are gorgeous, wealthy, and intelligent. And yes, they even have their own hair!!!!

It's easy to make generalisations but in reality it really doesn't work like that. The world isn't black and white. I would never be rude to the woman in the OP's thread, but this possibility cannot be ignored. It is, at the moment, a possibility, nothing more, but it is there.

Just because you have assumed all husbands fit the same unattractive stereotype does not mean this OW has. She may find him very attractive indeed.

[dooratheexplorer]

Perfectly put! @Ori37

[WorraLiberty]

All the people saying swapping numbers is weird/dodgy etc...

I've lived in my street for 25 years and only ever had one neighbour's phone number.

That was until everyone started panic buying food at the start of lockdown. I now have 6 neighbour's phone numbers as we'd all share info about what shops have certain things in stock, or we'd ask if anyone needs anything.

So given the circumstances I don't think it's weird at all.

[IShaggedAMarriedMan]

Some married or attached men are considered safe, and you can see them as just a friend. The married man is flattered, and the poor helpless lone female becomes so attractive. He wants to rescue her.

That jealous wife, she doesn't understand him. he's doing nothing wrong, we're just friends.

Then he gets a huge crush on the single woman, maybe reciprocated.

' She's so nice, I love her, I can't help it'.

And it's happened right under your nose.

[Redyellowpink]

Fucking hell. There needs to be an app for normal single women to meet other normal single women so they don't have to put up with this shit. Or maybe we should wear badges so we know each other when we pass in the street

I'm in!

[IShaggedAMarriedMan]

You can trust as much as you like, but as a male friend told me, men aren't interested in being friends with a woman unless there's something in it for them.

Trust means fuck all once it's lost.

Not all men are bastards, but married men have tried it on with me and I know that you should not turn a blind eye.