To be a bit jealous of my neighbour's daughter

[perpetuallyunimpressed]

My OH and I have been together 17 years. 2 DD to my knowledge he has never been unfaithful and I can't remember really feeling jealous of any women he's known before. We live on a road with mostly elderly people.

At the beginning of lockdown the 4 of us were out for a walk with me and when i turned back OH was chatting to a woman and we waited a few minutes while they chatted and then he said she's the daughter of the couple that live 2 doors up from us. She's had to move in just prior to lockdown for some reason which isn't clear to me. First time he'd met her.

Then as the food shortages got a bit difficult he mentioned he's got some bits which we needed but hadn't been able to get, great, where from? he met her out again on another walk and they exchanged numbers then she contacted him to ask would he like anything.

Then some second hand clothes turned up that the neighbours grandchildren had outgrown, and a few more groceries. OH got a few things for them.

I know all this sounds completely reasonable and nice and it is but whenever I see this woman she just says hi as we pass and I find it a bit weird that she's such good chums with him but never speaks to me.

I have been working a lot since lockdown, long days and nights and weekends and OH has mostly been furloughed at home with the kids. I mentioned it to OH and he just brushed it off and seems completely innocent but he is a bit naive and I'm not sure he would notice if someone was giving him the come on. AIBU to have a weird feeling about it all?

[Littlebyerockerboo]

@PlanDeRaccordement

Men can be nice to women without sticking their dicks in them.

Agree.

THIS!

Op, please at least try and make a relationship with her too, might be that she feels intimatidated by you and not dp, i know my dp is so chatty with random whoevers, yet I'm stand-offish at first..
Although I will say with confidence, that I am the better long term "friend" - Dp is great at introductions, superficial relationships, but once he gets sick of someone he will loose interest where as I will be invested.
Sometimes it can just be that she feels intimated by you, try more than a "hi" back...
Prehaps mention something that's happened
"Oh hello, Wendy... thanks for X Y Z. It was really nice of you, if you ever need favour returned, you can always come to me"

At least give her chance, before jumping to the 'paranoid' conclusion, if you try and communicate you might be able to weigh up if your feelings are justified.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Is your DH hot? I'm single and apart from married being totally out of bounds don't find many of these men irresistible.

But seriously, actually it can be difficult to have a conversation with men without their wives feeling like you are trying to get off with them, which you're not. She's living with her parents and no doubt bored out of her head, missing her friends, and desperate for a friendly face and a chat.

Often men are slightly easier to talk to not because they fancy you but because they aren't thinking about it. I say hi etc to a few of the husbands around here simply because they are out on the street more - and are more likely to say hi first (and I'm doing full lockdown neglect). But I've walked past them when their wives are there and the wives have made a point of ignoring me.

So it's probably nothing. In fact it's almost certainly nothing - she might be a bit lonely and bored. Single women aren't out to nick people's husbands as a general rule - at least not the ones I know!

I haven't found as a rule the husbands flirt either. Not in their own neighbourhood anyway.

But the best way to head snything off at the pass is to say hi and talk to her. If you're friendly and she's acting oddly then you'll have a better idea if anything's up.

[HalloumiSalad]

Where I live it isn't odd to swap numbers with a neighbour of any age or gender, so that isn't a red flag to me.
Lots of mature single ladies experience automatically-applied-stand-offish-ness from married women and don't have high expectations of a warm welcome.
One of my best friends was single for a long time after paying company with her dh quite young, and we often chatted about this prejudice cos our house was the only one where she was still invited round to socialise with me and my dh... She was often viewed with suspicion and she is the absolute last person who would be eyeing up anyone's dh.

If I was you I would assume innocence on the basis you seem to have a loving and faithful dh. Be open and friendly and allow a conversation opportunity to happen. All interactions need a chance to blossom and just because that has happened with your dh doesn't mean she can easily shoe-horn a conversation intro that moment when you happen to breeze by. So, pause, smile, thank her for the nice thoughtful things and take it from there naturally like you would with anyone.

[Barryisland]

It just sounds like neighbours helping each other out to me. Unless there is history for you to be paranoid about?
Its not unusual to exchange contact numbers. I have got any of my neighbours numbers but my husband has lots of them. Maybe have a conversation with her next time and thank her for the clothes or shopping or whatever.

[Okayokayok]

What was their reason for swapping numbers? Like how did that come about? I know some have said it's normal but I cant imagine my OH swapping numbers with a lady he just met that is staying with their parents, does he have her parents numbers too?

[JaniceWebster]

Why did they exchange numbers ? that's weird right there.. why would you do that

Are you only allowed to exchange number with someone from the same gender as you now?

If you exchange numbers with a male, do you also need to ask for his wife's too? even more

Someone should write a list of the rules, I can't keep up.

[Carlottacoffee]

I’ve never exchanged numbers with a neighbour I bumped in to on a walk

[Ireolu]

I have my neighbour's number. We text each other when there is washing out and it starts to rain! We also.text each other shopping slots for asda. Its about being neighbourly.

Women are sometimes weary of other women. I suggest just being friendly to her and trusting your DH

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Yes I agree re numbers. I've swapped numbers with one female neighbour but have pitched in with male neighbour to clean up other neighbours garden (blackberry! Omg! She's disabled and her garden is a health hazard!). At the moment people are around a lot more, and helping out more.

There's all sorts of neighbour stuff swapping numbers is good for. I gave some (new but too big) gardening gloves to my elderly begonia mad neighbour but have only met the wife once. I was friendly to her but had to make the extra effort - I can assure you there's nothing sinister going on there

[JaniceWebster]

Not sure why I put so many in my post

I’ve never exchanged numbers with a neighbour I bumped in to on a walk ok.. I have. I have exchanged numbers with males I bumped into on the playground, around a sport field, neighbours.

Before the pandemic I had a handful of neighbours numbers, since the lockdown I must have the entire street and the ones around!

I would be a bit pissed off if DH came back from a walk, told me he chatted with a neighbour and gave her MY number, because we are both female. I am not getting involved just because i am female, he started it!

[LemonadeAndDaisyChains]

Seems a bit off that he hadn't mentioned the conversations that led to the passing on of groceries and clothes

This - you don't just randomly pass stuff on to people to your knowledge that you've only said hi to once or so in the street?!

Men can be nice to women without sticking their dicks in them
Also completely agree with this though.

None of us are you or know your situation - you know what your relationship is usually like, trust your senses and what you feel

[JaniceWebster]

you don't just randomly pass stuff on to people to your knowledge that you've only said hi to once or so in the street?!

not quite the same when it's a close neighbour - or neighbour's relative, especially around a lockdown. It's not some completely random woman met in the street.

[BrummyMum1]

I’ve chatted to neighbours and exchanged numbers with them much more so than I would have done before lockdown. It’s tricky staying at home with children and if someone offered help buying the odd grocery or drop off some old clothes then I would have taken them up on the offer. The new found neighbourly friendships might fizzle out as lockdown eases.

[Aquamarine1029]

Burn the witch.

Haahaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaa!!!!

[1forAll74]

Over the top way of thinking again. This is a friendly neighbour,, and your partner is friendly too, so that's nice. I can't believe how many women get in a state, if their partners speak to another woman.

[ladybirdsarelovely33]

Put it this way: when I was single, would I be swapping numbers with a married man and pretty much ignoring his wife who is obviously around? No way.

[Iflyaway]

Exactly @ladybird.

And if I pass the family on the walk and had got chatting, I would automatically chat to the wife too. Because I see them as a family unit.

[managedmis]

Seems suss to me

[EmeraldShamrock]

Next time you pass have a conversation she is probably unsure of you. I doubt cupid's shot them, these are peculiar times neighbour's are bonding more, maybe she is hoping he will help he elderly parents in the future when she returns to her life before lockdown through friendship.
You've been working she probably feels awkward. My advice be nice.

[Gingerkittykat]

I have exchanged phone numbers with my male neighbour recently but not his wife. He does my garden (he is a gardener but does it mates rates) and we chat out in the garden sometimes. I have only talked to his wife a couple of times when I have knocked on the door to give him money, I am socially awkward and she seems really shy so the conversation between us wasn't great!

I think during this pandemic a lot of people are exchanging messages with neighbours in case they need help or can offer help, it's all perfectly innocent and I'd hate to think I was being viewed with suspicion because I am single, not all single women are so desperate for a shag they will go after a married neighbour!

[RiverCrossing]

I think lockdown has some responsibility here. Many of my neighbours have become much more present and neighbourly, and as for the clothes - well around here people have been putting all sorts outside their houses for free to take after lockdown decluttering. Perhaps she just thought to give it to you rather than chuck it on her lawn.

Would you be reacting the same way or thinking it were odd to swap numbers if it were a man? You say she’s had to move in with her parents - so it’s nice for her to feel part of the neighbourhood. People can be friends, many women have friendships with men - I think get her on side, make some effort with her to ask her over for coffee and hone your gut instincts. I think your DH just sounds like a nice guy and I hope that’s the case!

[Anonymoussumo]

I would say early 40s similar age to OH, few years older than me? She's not a knock out but then neither am I! Well groomed I guess. Single, no kids.

Ah, right. Something smells off.

[DomDoesWotHeWants]

Your DH has dodgy boundaries.

[dontdisturbmenow]

It comes down to whether this is normal behaviour for him or not. It wouldn't be for my oh because he is very sociable, very comfortable engaging in conversations with new people and likes to talk to the neighbours. He too would tell me all about it without a second thought and I would have no concerns at all.

If it was his brother though who is naturally quite introvertedered and shy and rarely start a conversstion, I would right away think he was up to something.

[RiverCrossing]

@DomDoesWotHeWants

Your DH has dodgy boundaries.

Why though? If it was a male neighbour I bet you wouldn’t be saying that. Do you have male friends?