To be a bit jealous of my neighbour's daughter

[perpetuallyunimpressed]

My OH and I have been together 17 years. 2 DD to my knowledge he has never been unfaithful and I can't remember really feeling jealous of any women he's known before. We live on a road with mostly elderly people.

At the beginning of lockdown the 4 of us were out for a walk with me and when i turned back OH was chatting to a woman and we waited a few minutes while they chatted and then he said she's the daughter of the couple that live 2 doors up from us. She's had to move in just prior to lockdown for some reason which isn't clear to me. First time he'd met her.

Then as the food shortages got a bit difficult he mentioned he's got some bits which we needed but hadn't been able to get, great, where from? he met her out again on another walk and they exchanged numbers then she contacted him to ask would he like anything.

Then some second hand clothes turned up that the neighbours grandchildren had outgrown, and a few more groceries. OH got a few things for them.

I know all this sounds completely reasonable and nice and it is but whenever I see this woman she just says hi as we pass and I find it a bit weird that she's such good chums with him but never speaks to me.

I have been working a lot since lockdown, long days and nights and weekends and OH has mostly been furloughed at home with the kids. I mentioned it to OH and he just brushed it off and seems completely innocent but he is a bit naive and I'm not sure he would notice if someone was giving him the come on. AIBU to have a weird feeling about it all?

[BumbleBeee69]

I am out

well when you're out.. don't be giving your number to randoms.. lord knows where it could end up

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

😂 I am out

[BumbleBeee69]

It is weird to exchange numbers with nice neighbours Ok

But this adult is not a neighbour... she's a relative of the neighbour who is visiting temporarily ..

How do you get to exchanging numbers exactly... seriously.. it's not even about trust... even if it was a Guy a Horse a Donkey.. I genuinely do not understand how you get to exchanging numbers from a passing convo ? who asked for the number ? and why ? I'm honestly baffled....

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

Yet, people wonder why community spirit is dying.

It is weird to exchange numbers with nice neighbours.😂 Ok.

[BumbleBeee69]

we exchange numbers with neighbours even before pandemic. There is nothing weird on having each other's numbers if you are ok with each other.
Would it be weird if she was neighbour's son not a daughter?

No it would still be weird....

[backseatcookers]

Oh I totally agree @SchrodingersImmigrant that some women do that to other women too, madonna / whore complex definitely exists in women as well as men.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

Imagine being such a twat you can only see women as either fuckable therefore worth your time or not fuckable and therefore not worth your time.

If you look at the thread you will see that that's how women filter other women.
Is she fuckable? No way she can come near him.
Is she not fuckable? Yeah, be mates, it's alright.

[backseatcookers]

He is definitely not a loser. He has many good qualities.

Well if one of my mates said they only had friends of the opposite sex when if wanted to fuck them that would override their 'good qualities'.

Imagine being such a twat you can only see women as either fuckable therefore worth your time or not fuckable and therefore not worth your time.

You say the offer is there. Based on what you've shared about his feelings on female friends he must think you'd go for it.

Some of us wouldn't be mates with someone like that, so there would be no metaphorical table to put an offer on.

[KrisAkabusi]

The point here is that OP isn't comfortable with what is going on, and that means that even if there is nothing going on, and nothing likely to ever be going on, it is inappropriate.

Would you be happy if your partner told you that you could no longer be friends with someone? Particularly if neither you nor he had done anything wrong?

[Elsewyre]

@IShaggedAMarriedMan

You can trust as much as you like, but as a male friend told me, men aren't interested in being friends with a woman unless there's something in it for them.

Trust means fuck all once it's lost.

Not all men are bastards, but married men have tried it on with me and I know that you should not turn a blind eye.

So what's your Male friend getting out if being friends with you?

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

There is a big difference between something not being appropriate and someone projecting their issues.

You can't control perfectly normal behaviour by saying it's inappropriate when it really isn't. #sisterhood control, eh.

And yeah. Your mate is a loser if he has this outlook

[IShaggedAMarriedMan]

He has other friends. It's just what he told me. He tends to see things in black and white. He is definitely not a loser. He has many good qualities.

The point here is that OP isn't comfortable with what is going on, and that means that even if there is nothing going on, and nothing likely to ever be going on, it is inappropriate.

People can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, but it's a very fine line you are treading. However much you trust your OH, you need to be aware that the gut feeling itself is a red flag.

[backseatcookers]

Oh, I know you have OH your number, but he can be useless at getting back to people. Probably a good idea for us to exchange numbers too." And see how she reacts.

Argh full body cringe at this! It's so transparent and comes across as passive aggressive not genuinely neutral.

May as well just piss on him to mark your territory as he's obviously so irresistible and she's single and an adult female so obviously a scarlet woman.

[DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]

I do not miss being in my late 30s and single.

If I befriended a man, i was clearly trying to shag him, if i befriended a woman, I was clearly out to get her husband. Its bloody ridiculous.

She sounds like a friendly helpful person and the husband chatted away to her, and the op sounds like she is putting no effort into talking and expecting the woman to befriend her.

Oh, I know you have OH your number, but he can be useless at getting back to people. Probably a good idea for us to exchange numbers too." And see how she reacts.

Please don't do this, its cringeworthy as fuck.

If you dont trust your husband, talk to your husband. This woman isnt the problem if you dont have trust in your marriage.

[poppyfieldsinmay]

@IShaggedAMarriedMan

Your friend is a bit of loser if he only forms relationships with women he wants to shag.

[SugarNyx]

If she’s fit I would have a problem. That’s basically the long and short of it.

[IShaggedAMarriedMan]

OP has noticed behaviour between another woman and her OH that she is not comfortable with, and needs to set boundaries.

My friend isn't a penis with a man attached, and no I haven't shagged him. The offer is there though.

My username is deliberately provocative, and no reflection on my behaviour - I wanted IOwnABogBrush or similar but someone had taken it.

[Rumbletumbleinmytummy]

I'm sorry, but only you can answer this one.
You've been with DH years, and you're the one that knows him.
In your shoes I would consider his behaviour.
What is it usually like? Is he selfish? Is he kind?
Does he reach out and try to help others? Is he a chatty man who picks up a number wherever he goes? Whether Maureen who owns the local pub, Shaun the local mechanic or Billy the local builder?

If this behaviour is normal for him and you've never distrusted him before, then I'm not sure you have anything to worry about.

If on the other hand hes a selfish person or he keeps himself to himself and has 5 numbers in his phone then you may well have a problem.

[backseatcookers]

Part of the sisterhood😂😂

You mean the sisterhood which declares all other females not to be trusted? Oh wait. The females who care for themselves.

The sisterhood where being single means you are very much not invited to many things and have to watch who you are talking to?

The sisterhood where we apparently need to permanently watch each other so no bagging of husbands happen?

There is no sisterhood. It's a lie trying to make women behave in a way other ones with low self esteem and trust issues want them to.

🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

Part of the sisterhood😂😂
You mean the sisterhood which declares all other females not to be trusted? Oh wait. The females who care for themselves.
The sisterhood where being single means you are very much not invited to many things and have to watch who you are talking to?
The sisterhood where we apparently need to permanently watch each other so no bagging of husbands happen?

There is no sisterhood. It's a lie trying to make women behave in a way other ones with low self esteem and trust issues want them to.

Seriously, women are indeed their own biggest enemies.

[BreatheAndFocus]

Deciding all single women in their 40s are a threat is just horrible. What are we supposed to do, live in separate areas?

Of course not, vodka - but, as a single woman myself I’m always very careful not to ‘worry’ the wives of my male friends. So I make a point of talking to them, always ask after them and the family, etc, etc. It’s not hard and it’s respectful to other women.

Now, this woman might have been acting in a perfectly innocent way, but she’s made no apparent effort to be friendly/reassuring towards the OP, and that’s rude IMO.

No, of course most single women aren’t going round looking to shag other women’s husbands, but it’s courteous to show some consideration to their wives. Yes, women could pretend to be nice and still be shagging someone’s husband, but it’s common courtesy and part of ‘the sisterhood’ to be mindful of wives and partners.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@BumbleBeee69 we exchange numbers with neighbours even before pandemic. There is nothing weird on having each other's numbers if you are ok with each other.
Would it be weird if she was neighbour's son not a daughter?

[Terralee]

I'm 40s single & childless.

Obviously shagged all the married men in my street.

[BumbleBeee69]

I've never given any of my neighbours my number.. I know them all and like them all and none of them have my number.. but to give it to a neighbour I don't know.. IS weird

[Mittens030869]

You can trust as much as you like, but as a male friend told me, men aren't interested in being friends with a woman unless there's something in it for them.

Rubbish. As well as my DH, I have male friends I've known for years as well as 2 BILs. Decent men are really not like that at all.