To panic about this potential accident? TMI warning

[HufflePuff99]

Quite a TMI post, sorry for that folks!

Me and DH are going to start trying as of next month as this is when I will be eligible for maternity benefits, I’m quite lucky that my company have an excellent package!

For 5 months now I have been off my contraceptive pill and cycle tracked whilst also using condoms.

However (TMI warning) we were DTD earlier today and when I went to wipe I felt like I wiped ... you know what. The condom was on correctly, I did see some stuff on top of it and further down to which he said was me

But, as I took my ovulation tests this morning which confirmed I was ovulating I am now worrying in case I get pregnant a month earlier than expected!

Part of me would get the morning after pill, I’m worried it’d ruin my cycle and affect us next month, does anyone have any experiences with the morning after pill? I’ve only ever had it once! A while ago

Maybe I am looking too far into it but missing out on excellent maternity benefits by a month would really be annoying!

You want a child but are willing to take the morning after pill because it’s a month to early? 🤨

Makes perfect sense. OP wants to be in the right position financially before having a baby. You know that amount of posts on here telling people they should have done just that is staggering, and here you are, having a go

It's not 'mean' to point out that op might be terminating a wanted pregnancy because it's four weeks earlier than suits..

Nobody is talking about having a termination. Have you walked into the wrong thread

It doesn’t matter if the baby is early. Maternity benefits are calculated on how long you have worked for a company when you are 25 weeks pregnant (or the 15th week before the expected date of childbirth as the gov website puts it). A company cannot discriminate against a woman because their baby was born early.

If it would really screw you financially then take the MAP.

We had a split condom the month before we started trying. We decided I wouldn't take the morning after pill as I didn't want to mess up my hormones the month before trying. My attitude was if the baby was meant to be then we would make it work. I didn't get pregnant that month (but did soon after).

I’d take the MAP. It’s unlikely you’ll be pregnant, but both my pregnancies were unlikely too. They do happen.
Better to be in a stable place for when you do try.
If you’re worried about how it will affect you in future months, have a chat with the pharmacist when you go for it.

Jeez, I speak only for myself here, but I am NOT being mean to the OP. I’m merely pointing out that falling pregnant at the drop of a hat is not the only possibility here. Yes, it could happen. Or it could happen that it is difficult and takes years.

OP doesn’t know which way it’s going to go at this point, so it’s a good idea to consider all possibilities before jumping in.. That is all.

OP has asked if she is BU. Now I hate the way some posters seem to take AIBU as an excuse to give the Op a good kicking, and I’m not one of them. I’m just trying to present the other side of the coin, for consideration, which OP presumably wanted, as why post otherwise?

MummytoCSJH the relevant part of your experience may well have been that you were 15. Things can be very different a few years down the track. Hopefully not for OP, but we don’t know at this point.

Felicity whoah, that’s quite a leap you’re making there!! If you need to know, I don’t mind putting your mind at rest that I am fully in favour of abortion rights and contraception. I use contraception myself and have taken the MAP, but in different circumstances to OP, when I definitely knew I didn’t want a baby anywhere near that time. I ‘m simply trying to help OP make the correct decision for her, whatever that may be, from a position of knowledge, rather than naivety or blinkered thinking. There’s no anger on my part - promise!

It depends really how much its going to screw you financially if you got pregnant now

If you really would be in the shitter id take the MAP

If not, and you could cope financially, then i would just wait it out. It is probably Cervical mucus if theres no evidence of the condom breaking, but theres obviously a chance it could not be.

Its perfectly reasonable to say 'We really want a baby, but if im pregnant now we cant afford it'. Even if its only the next month you financially can

you know what

I have no thoughts either way about your timing and TTC. But if you do fall pregnant you are going to have to stop being squeamish about using words.

Good luck.

If the finances are THAT key, then lie to your work about how pregnant you are and deliver 'early'.

This is some of the stupidest advice I have ever heard. You get given a form by your midwife to give to your employer confirming you’re pregnant and your due date. Unless OP is also planning to lie to her midwife (which wouldn’t work past the 12 week scan anyway) or ask her midwife to lie for her (which they won’t), wouldn’t that be a bit of a giveaway? This just seems like a really easy way to get fired for fraudulent behaviour.

OP you’ve had some very bad advice here. I think you’re being hugely sensible. If I hadn’t qualified for EMP we would have lost our house, so it’s hardly a small or irrelevant decision. Taking the MAP (which is not a termination, despite what some posters have suggested) is a very straightforward way of ensuring your and your child’s financial security.

Of course you may unfortunately struggle to conceive - some people do. But that won’t have anything to do with taking the MAP as a precaution in a situation where it’s very unlikely you are pregnant anyway.

If it was that visible, and considering you are ovulating, I would say it was your mucus. Sperm would be less visible as less viscous, especially after the in-out movement, it would spread around condom more than your mucus.

It doesn’t matter if the baby is early. Maternity benefits are calculated on how long you have worked for a company when you are 25 weeks pregnant (or the 15th week before the expected date of childbirth as the gov website puts it). A company cannot discriminate against a woman because their baby was born early.

@missannelliot thank you! A worrying number of people on this parenting site seem to have absolutely no clue how mat/paternity benefits work.

FWIW @HufflePuff99 i was in your exact same situation, worried about an unplanned pregnancy 3 months earlier than my company's enhanced benefits package kicked in - it would have ruined us financially. I took the MAP. All good, conceived DD on the second month TTC as soon as i passed the cut off.

The difference between company maternity benefits and smp for me was 6 months full pay, so I would take the MAP if I was worried.

Some really stupid advice on here!

Some people do get pregnant very easily and as upsetting as that is to those who struggle it shouldn’t be offensive to suggest it could happen, OP I think you’re being sensible. I got pregnant 3 times on the first month of ‘trying’. The 1st was when we stopped being careful as DH was on fertility damaging medication and we’d been told we’d most likely struggle. If I’d had to do maternity leave under the circumstances of missing my maternity benefits then we’d have lost our home and DS2 wouldn’t have been a possibility.

It’s not as simple as ‘lie about your dates’ or ‘you’ll lose the benefits if you deliver early’ which are the most stupid comments I’ve read in a long time. Your MAT1b form will have the dates on and that form will determine what you are entitled to.

I’d take action now OP because the implications if you have fallen pregnant are huge. This won’t affect anything if you do find yourself struggling to conceive in a years time, one has nothing to do with the other, unless you have a crystal ball. It is disgusting that posters on here are suggesting you’ll be kicking yourself if you struggle later on - like it’s some kind of blame game - the facts are that a pregnancy now would be a problem. It’s likely that you’re not pregnant but don’t let the posters on here make you feel so ridiculous for considering it a possibility that you don’t take action.

You’re such a bunch of cows

OP is just being practical

Your maternity pay entitlement is based on the MATB1 form that the midwife gives you circa 20 weeks into your pregnancy. If the baby then arrived prematurely you would still be entitled to your maternity benefits, but your mat leave would start on the day the baby was born.

So ignore people saying 'what if your baby arrived early'... I suspect you already know this OP but it's based on conception / due dates etc.

Sounds like good, sound planning to me! Ignore the less positive comments I think they are missing the point. I'd also suspect that what you found post shag was likely to be cervical mucous assuming you are definitely ovulating.

If it was cause financial disaster falling preg this month, I'd get the MAP to be sure, but it's probably all fine!

Good luck x

I'd get the MAP if you're at all worried OP, very sensible to wait until finances are in a strong position and I say that as someone going through ivf who is fully aware pregnancies don't often come along when you want them to. You've had some horrible comments that aren't deserved, this place is very anti choice at times. Good luck with ttc

Well if offering OP another perspective for her to consider when she has posted asking for advice is being stupid and nasty, then I fear for the the critical thinking and reading comprehension skills of some of the posters on here, quite frankly.

Good luck with what we you decide, OP.

@HufflePuff99
You are being eminently sensible.
Financial security is important. Not being financially stable has implications for your relationship, returning to work date etc.
Taking the MAP doesn't mean you are pregnant, its highly unlikely you are, it's just guaranteeing you are not rather than just hoping you are not.
Whether it takes you 1 month or 5 years to get pregnant has nothing to do with the MAP.
Good luck!

I’m glad to see some sensible posters arrived on the thread who actually understand how maternity benefits work.

One point I just wanted to add was that your due date may change based on your 12 week scan - my due date was brought forward by a week despite the fact that I’d been tracking my ovulation etc so knew my original due date was correct. So just be careful of that around planning when to conceive - have more than a week in hand for when you qualify for enhanced pay.

I also think this is eminently sensible - I also held off conceiving my second until I qualified for enhanced pay at my new job. I conceived my first child the first month of trying and my second the second month of trying. That said, it does sound like this was your cervical mucus rather than his ejaculate... I assume there was also something inside the condom as well as outside it?

Also, a PP mentioned that MAP won’t work if you’ve already ovulated - that is not correct. It also works by preventing implantation even if the sperm has already fertilised the egg. This is why some people consider it an abortion as some (eg catholics) consider conception happens at fertilisation rather than implantation.

Borntohula condoms are not as reliable as other methods of contraception. With best use ( ie not typical) they have a 2% failure rate whereas eg with the combined pill best use is less than 1% failure and the implant is less than 0.1% failure. These are really big differences. Obviously they prevent most pregnancies but are not the best choice if getting pregnant would be a disaster.
Having said that the OP is right to get emergency contraception if this is not the right time to get pregnant. She is taking ownership of her fertility and is sensible. She should ideally discuss with a sexual health practitioner eg a GP to decide whether the pill or coil is the best option for her.

As others have said, it probably was cervical mucus, which is very abundant when you are ovulating. Don't worry about people pointing out you may regret it later if you take the MAP. I don't see how that would happen, as you would have no reason to think that you were pregnant this month....only that contraception may have failed. You are simply planning your pregnancy as many people do. What did you decide to do in the end?