how often do you ask someone to make you a cup of tea?

[Grannywatch]

My mother has a form for this and for my whole life I’ve thought it’s absolutely normal (not like I’d feel able to ask).

I’ve invited her to come stay as her depression has got worse while shielding by herself. It’s not like she doesn’t feel at ‘home’ as she’s happily gone through my cupboards and moaned about dust sitting on the back tins etc and reordered my towel rack. She’s also been fine using the last bit of milk this morning for one of her milky coffees.

Yesterday she asked me to make her a cup of tea (I was in the garden enjoying a bit of sun talking to a friend on the phone) and this morning I was weeding the front garden. Both times she’s walked past the kettle (and by the time it’s taken me to take my shoes off + wash my hands the kettle would have already boiled).

Is this perfectly normal or is my mum being a CF (probably because she’s a control freak and likes to be ‘on top’).

Either you make yourself at home somewhere, in which case make your own tea, or you're a guest, in which case wait to be offered a cup. Asking for one, whether at home or guest, is right out.

We offer when we're going to the kitchen, but offering to make one is definitely not the same as asking for one. The only people asking for drinks should be those incapable of making their own.

Dh makes me coffees throughout the day.

He brings me one first thing, and then if I’m still upstairs when he gets out of his first meeting he brings me another one.

I’ll make him one when I come downstairs. And then at noon or so I’ll make his lunch. After which he makes me another coffee.

Then when he finishes work he’ll make me another one before going to do his own stuff.

And then I cook dinner for everyone.

It’s sort of habitual but I do ask him to make one outside of these automatic times as well. It’s kind of a thing that started early on. It makes me feel loved and appreciated.

I will always make one if asked as well. It’s just nicer to have one made for you, I appreciate it so I don’t mind doing it for others.

I don't think I have ever done this and I can't remember anyone asking me to do this either. Different if she actually wasn't able to get her own cup of tea obviously, or if you had just said you were going to get a drink for yourself or something. It's definitely not the norm IME and sounds really odd.

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets, yes, obviously people make each other drinks all the time, but would you walk past the kettle, into the garden where your DH was relaxing and ask him to get his shoes on, come inside and make you a drink?

My Mum does this too- in her own house!

If you're busy when she asks next time you could just say 'Help yourself to a cup'.

My mother says 'will we have a cup of tea?' or 'will we stick the kettle on?' and when I say oh yes tea would be good, she just sits there and doesn't move. And then I make the tea. Every time. In her house or in our house, it's all the same!

Drives me a bit mad as she only does it to me and my sister. If she has anyone else she will make the tea or host them in some way. With us - nada even though we both live 3 hours away

Yes, maybe a "please help yourself! Make yourself at home. Do you know where everything is?", would do it.

My mum does this. One of my functions as a daughter was to make tea as soon as I was able!
I don't mind though.

[quote LadyPrigsbottom]@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets, yes, obviously people make each other drinks all the time, but would you walk past the kettle, into the garden where your DH was relaxing and ask him to get his shoes on, come inside and make you a drink?[/quote]
Yes. Well, maybe.

I’ll definitely ask him to get up and make me one. Not if he was right in the middle of something though.

I'd reply, "OK I'll be making one for myself when I've finished this..." (but then I wouldn't!)

My mum might have said ‘right is it your turn to put the kettle on?’ back when I lived with her, but generally only if it was my turn and I was doing nothing else.

My DH makes us both a cup of tea every weekday morning (I did it this morning though as it’s his birthday!). I don’t ask for it though. At the weekends we spend a fair bit of time jokingly arguing about whose turn it is, even though by rights it’s mine, or we try to trick the other into saying the word tea/tee/T so the other can say ‘oh yes please thanks for offering’. We’re hilarious obviously Outside of that though whoever wants a drink makes it and offers the other person one too.

Only if I am sick in bed.

I never have. Probably because I'm a bit of a fussy mare about how my tea is made. The only other person that could make it the way I do was my ex boss and that was because he liked his the same

Never; I don't drink hot drinks. But that also means I don't have to make them for anyone else.

Several times a day. DH is designated tea maker in this house. 😬 I routinely say “stick the kettle on” or “will you make me a cuppa”. He always does 🤷🏻‍♀️ But then I do all the washing, and the majority of the cooking. And will pretty much bake on demand, so I think evens out...

I probably ask about 4 times a year. But I make 90+% of the tea in this household, so I don’t think it’s cheeky to occasionally ask for something.

I was brought up to offer hot drinks almost from the minute someone walk through the door and every hour or so afterwards.
I'd be quite aghast if anyone actually asked me for a drink, if someone is a guest I'd be offering regularly. If they were staying or were family I'd offer but still invite them to make themselves at home and make as many drinks as they'd like.
I've also never asked for a cup of tea from anyone, I think it's quite rude

I never ask anyone to make me a cup of tea. The only person I trust to make me one anyway is my DM, who is a fellow tea drinker, but I haven't seen her since February, so I'd be bloody thirsty if I'd been waiting since then!

I frequently ask DH to make tea!

Me too

He has made about 4 today. I think he made the first off his own back and the rest were my idea!

No and my own mum would help herself if she wanted one (if she drank it, that is.) Unless asked I don’t make one for someone else. My husband prefers coffee and I’ll make his cup if he asks because I know exactly how he likes it. Not memorising anyone else’s tea order unless necessary.

Forget tea. How often do you put your mother above your mental health?

The rules are whoever makes themselves one asks everyone else if they want one

That’s a shite rule. Because everyone knows some lazy twats just always wait till someone else is making it.

Op, your mum is being lazy. Just respond “oh gosh just help yourself you know where the kettle is” and get back to what you were doing.

I regularly ask DH to make me tea, I also ask my parents when they are over. I didn’t think it was that rude a thing to do. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered to do it myself and ask someone else.

In someone else's house I'd say 'do you mind if I make myself a cup ...' and then do it again.

I'll ask DH in the evening when he gets up and goes into the kitchen , mainly because the dog is sitting snoozing on my lap

I also ask my parents when they are over

You ask your parents to make you tea when they come to visit you?