Men in teaching

[LegallyBlue]

My husband used to be a recording studio engineer but decided to become a teacher when we had children because the hours were much more family friendly. He trained as a secondary school Physics teacher but he's just about to start a new role as a primary school science teacher in a private primary school. It made more sense for us because it means a huge fee reduction for our own children and he's also getting some senior leadership responsibilities so it pays well.
Since telling people he's going to be teaching in a primary school, I've had a few comments from people. Comments like "don't you think it's weird he wants to spend all day around children?" and "I wouldn't trust him alone with the kids so much now you know what he's really like". Basically implying my husband is a paedophile.
It literally never even crossed my mind and I'm really shocked. I might expect this attitude from some old fashioned elderly people but some of these people are young and liberal friends of ours. Am I missing something here?

[PurpleDaisies]

I love my dd having a male teacher - very boy heavy year and he keeps them in check really well.

Which couldn’t be done by a strong female teacher?

It’s a myth and a stereotype that male teachers are better a disciple than female teachers.

Yes, having a balance of sexes is good, especially for boys without good male role models at home but I hate this less than subtle undertone in so many posts that male teachers are better than female teachers at doing the job of teaching.

[AlCalavicci]

Yur friends really need to think about that accusation, unfortunately what stars as a ' he could be a paedophile because he is male ' could well end up as 'he is a paedophile , because I heard someone else say the word'

I was luck enough to be taught by both male and female teachers right the way through my school years , and two in particular were a great inspiration and encouraged me and others to try our hardest , not because we were told to but because it would help us learn how to cope with hard situations in the adult world.

I hope you DH never has to encounter any of this horrid prejudice

[TheSandman]

Do your friends think that ALL stay at home dads are paedophiles?

[jcyclops]

3,680 UK primary schools don’t have any male teachers. This can be a particular problem for children from single female parent households who may not interact with positive male role models until they are 11.

Government figures for England (from 2018) show three quarters of all teachers (inc. secondary) were women and two thirds of all head-teachers were women.

Research has revealed that men are reluctant to apply for teaching positions at Primary Schools due to the fear of being labelled as paedophiles.

OP's friends' attitudes are despicable.

[Nanny0gg]

assumed that given that young people tend to be more supportive of neutral gender roles and gender fluidity that it wouldn't be such an issue for a man to work in a role with young children.

What the hell has that got to do with the price of fish?? (Or men teaching in primary schools)

I wonder sometimes, I really do.

[CloudPop]

I think i would have a problem with a supposed friend telling me my husband is a paedophile who should be kept away from our children. In fact, I know I would have a problem with it

[1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor]

When I was in primary school there were plenty of male teachers and that was in the 70's, in the school that my ds recently left the majority of teaching staff were male, as were most of the support staff. They were/are a phenominal team. I didn't have doubts about any of them even on residential visits.

[Rumbletumbleinmytummy]

Honestly people who think that are in the minority, and they are the people I would be limiting contact with my child in your position.

DD is in Y7, and we have had dealings with quite a few male teachers and all but one have really stood out to be exceptional. (The one who doesnt stand out isnt a bad teacher, just doesnt stand out IYSWIM)

I found that the primary teachers who were male that DD was taught by were very very good at approaching the kids like they were the leader of the pack, and everyone was going to learn, and feel included. Most of the students felt included and as though they had an important role in the class and all seemed to learn very well.

There was also a head teacher who was in his first post as head, and he was bloody amazing.

DDs current teacher and HOY are both male teachers, and have both also been brilliant.

I have no qualms about DD being taught by a man, and they have been some of DDs favourite teachers.
Much respect to him for having the patience that I certainly wouldnt have.

[NK346f2849X127d8bca260]

My three children attended a small primary school, in Y3,4 5 & 6 they were taught by male teachers, never thought anything odd about it, they were brilliant teachers.

[BillywilliamV]

When I read this sort of thing, I genuinely think that its a shame that the world didnt end last Sunday!

[LemonadeAndDaisyChains]

Honestly people who think that are in the minority, and they are the people I would be limiting contact with my child in your position

Exactly, I know who I wouldn't want my kids around or exposed to here (clue - it's not the OPs husband who sounds perfectly normal!)

[peoniesandfreesias]

The last 3 probationers in our school have been men 🤷‍♀️ no one gives a toss, in fact the most common response from both staff and parents is "great, we need more men in Primary school".

[chilledteacher]

My husband is a primary school teacher and he has encountered some of this prejudice too. It's really sad, sadly OP he will get used to it. It's not right though.

[Bubbletrouble43]

Yeah your friends are odd. I wonder what they'd make of the chap who works at my twins nursery. Fwiw he's fabulous and my kids adore him.

[lockdownbreakdown]

There have been massive scandals in recent years relating to the extent and prevalence of sexual abuse perpetrated by male teachers in many of the well known boarding schools in the UK including St Pauls, Sherborne, Ampleforth etc. In my own family an extended family member was jailed for abusing boys at his school in the 80's. These were all men and naturally parents who would never have considered the risk have now become more aware. It is fact that men are significantly more likely to molest children. However, now because we have much better awareness and stronger safeguarding children are far more protected than they ever were. It's sad that all male teachers are viewed with suspicion and male role models are important. With excellent safeguarding in place then there is no need for parents to be so frightened and for them to judge male teachers so poorly.

[saraclara]

I'm in my 60s. When I was at primary school it wasn't remotely unusual for men to be primary teachers. I would say that more than 50% of the teachers in my Junior school were men. Three out of the four years I was there, I had a male teacher. So I'd be VERY surprised if older people these days raised an eyebrow at their grandchildren having male teachers.

My husband was a primary teacher and DH. And to be honest in the last few years he was in post I did worry a bit about the way the public had started to see paedophilia in innocent interactions. Unlike the women teachers, he felt he had to start making sure that he was never alone in the classroom with a child.
Despite the fact that he was hugely respected and liked by both parents and his colleagues, in latter years he was only too aware that the most innocent of interactions could be misinterpreted and ruin his career and his life.

My daughter and her partner both teach. Her partner is also in primary teaching. He says he probably worries less than my husband had to, because now every class has a TA, so he knows there's always someone to confirm what happens in his classroom.

[AddressLabel]

Ignore them. My OH’s dad is a retired primary headmaster. Not at all unusual.

[Cam2020]

What is wrong with people? Primary schools dearly need more of an adult male presence.

[Devlesko]

Well at one time it was single women only and male teachers.
They seem to have managed.
There were 2 male teachers at my Primary, but not infants. I'm in my 50's.
Dh had male junior teachers too, same age.
My kids 28/26 had male junior teachers.

[julybaby32]

It's right that you should be shocked by statements like this, but also understandable that people have also heard enough about it not to be surprised. Here is my twopennyworth.

There is a shortage of people with physics backgrounds in teaching at all age levels. We need more of them. I really don't care about the contents of their underwear.

No, it's not weird to want to spend all day around very young people. A lot of people have preferred age ranges they feel more comfortable interacting with. I have a friend who loves working with and spending time with old people. She made her first career out of it.

I don't think you should trust the people who have made those comments. There are a number of possible reasons that they have said this, but none of them reflect well.

1. They might be a paedophile and feel that saying something like this is good camouflage.(Unlikely but horrifying.)
   
2. They may be committing, or have committed other immoral or illegal acts and want to make themselves fell better by blaming some one else for being much worse - only the other person hasn't done anything. It's sometimes called deflection and is not at all uncommon. It maybe that their misdeeds are nothing to do with sexual activities or abuse, but something entirely different - fingers in the till, fraudulent claims, an affair, drunk driving, claiming credit for other people's work at work and so on. You still don't want them around your own children. (or your purse). (I've seen this one happen quite a bit.)
   
3. They are saying something just to be saying something, but with no filter or thought, but just to be saying it. There are people like this. Sadly one of them is an in-law for me. It goes with a whole suite of other callous made up stuff. Eventually they will say something about someone that can't easily be disproved. Being a long way away form them when that happens is a good idea. (Also having your children a long way away from them.)
   
4. They get an emotional kick out of condemning something. There was a girl in my primary classes who absolutely loved to point the finger (yes, literally) at someone and utter the words "ahhh, you're naughty" about absolutely anything. This include my friend with type 1 diabetes, who was allegedly naughty for having insulin injections. It didn't matter how much we explained, anyone who had injections were naughty. People like that grow up and must go somewhere. I think maybe they don't all improve.
   

I realise it might be a bit tricky with a cousin, but otherwise quietly easing these people out of your lives might be wise for you all, but I'm especially concerned with people who say stuff like this being around your children.

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

@PurpleDaisies not at all - l think female teachers do just as good a job, sometimes better - it depends on the teacher but this year l think the male teacher is fantastic. And in general l think primary schools are mostly staffed by women so to have a few male memebrs of staff balances it out. No offence intended and l am not a woman teacher basher - far from it. I have the utmost respect for teachers.

[P999]

Wow. Rude, awful, ignorant friends! My kids have had 3 so far and they have all been absolutely brilliant. Never in a million years would such screwed up sick thoughts even flicker into my head. Good on your DH.

[Erictheavocado]

I'm not surprised it's your younger friends who are making these comments. IME, there is more of a tendency among younger people to ascribe ulterior motives to this sort of thing. As so many pps have said, for those of us who are older, male teachers at primary school was perfectly normal. My school was roughly 50/50 male to female. We were never aware of any issues.
My own dc is a secondary teacher and went for secondary after a lot of consideration having heard similar views from some of his uni friends.
It's sad that a lot of men are put off primary teaching because of such a blinkered attitude from their contemporaries - espeviywhen it's often that generation nefarious older ones for our lack of liberalism.

[Pinkblueberry]

Your friends sound immature and quite frankly a bit disgusting for coming to conclusions like this - I think it says more about their mind frames than anything else. Find some better friends.