I don’t want to go to the cinema

[Friedbluetomatoes]

I work for a disabled man. He doesn’t have major disabilities and although he is in a wheelchair 80% of the time he is very mobile and no personal care is needed by me. Basically I am mainly his driver. Twice a week I drive him to his day centre and the other day to a sport centre.
He is 40 and lives at home with his parents. I have been furloughed since March as the day centre and sports centre had been closed, obviously due to the virus.
His dad called me yesterday to say that the day centre is opening in a couple of weeks and could I start back up taking him there, of course no issue with that at all, I will wear a mask to drive and am not allowed in the day centre so can drop him off and pick him up at the end of the day. However, the sports centre is still closed and they have asked that, as the cinemas are opening he may want to go regularly and see films until the sports centre opens.
This is where my issue comes in. I have been mainly sheltering since March because I care for my elderly parents and a 90 year old in my village, they have serious health issues are vulnerable to the virus.
DH, myself and dc have chosen not to go to places, like cinemas for some time yet and really do not want to put myself and my family at risk by going with the man I work for. IMO it’s still early days, the virus is still here and I want to wait weeks/months to see how this relaxing of lockdown pans out. However, my employers seems to feel the virus is no longer a threat (his mum tells me it’s only obese people and the elderly at risk!!) and are planning shopping trips, pub visits etc next week onwards.
Would I be unreasonable to offer to take him to the cinema, settle him in and wait outside for him whilst he watches the film? (I believe his previous driver did this before with films she wouldn’t watch ie horrors). I am really not comfortable sitting in a cinema atm.

Would I be unreasonable to offer to take him to the cinema, settle him in and wait outside for him whilst he watches the film?

No, that sounds very reasonable.

Iwalk thanks. I don’t want to come across as being unreasonable but I need to put my parents health first.

If he is able to be alone and happy to be then I can't see why it would be an issue

If you are employed as his driver then that is fine. If your job description is his carer then I would worry that if something happened to him while he was in the cinema and you were outside, then you may be held responsible.

If your job description is literally "driver", then you are fine to drop him off and then collect him afterwards. But if you are actually a "carer", then it may be expected that you'd stay with him.

Saying that, I'd think you were perfectly entitled to say that you aren't comfortable with the idea of sitting in a cinema just yet (because of the reasons you mentioned). Couldn't his parents take him? Or at least come with you and then go and sit with him?

Yes depends on your job description I guess.

Yabu I think you should let someone else work that part of the role, a lot of people are looking for work.

I read that cinemas (some if not all) were going to be having the staff in the appropriate gear plus spraying the cinema after every film to get rid of (I presume) droplets in the air. However, I do understand your concerns so do whatever suits you.

I don't think you can realistically refuse to do your job and be able to keep your job. That doesnt make you unreasonable for not wanting to at this time though

Is he able to cope in the cinema alone? If he isn’t and you can’t fulfil that part of the role then perhaps you need to quit so they can find someone else.

His previous employee had left him in the cinema whilst she sat in the cafe a few times, I believe. So far I have always accompanied him to see a film. This time though I could sit in the car, directly outside of the cinema with my phone so should he need me he would only have to call and I would be there straight away. I wouldn’t want to quit because firstly this whole coronavirus thing is unprecedented and obviously totally out of the blue and has thrown everyone’s normality in the air but hopefully we can return to near normal sometime later this year, I am also contracted to take him to and from his day centre etc with trips to cinema etc to be occasional circumstances. Employers are also obligated to ensure their employees are safe during coronavirus and that can not be guaranteed whilst sitting in a room with people you don’t know. I don’t want to quit over this as trips like this are usually few and far between (I have been doing the job for 2 years and up to date have been to the cinema with him 3 times). I also can not put my parents at risk, my mum has Alzheimer’s and two blood conditions which could turn to myeloma at any time. My employees know this.

He is perfectly ok being in the cinema on his own. He does prefer to get out of his chair and into a cinema chair so needs help up a few steps and into the seat but I’m sure during these difficult times he would stay in his chair and use the wheelchair slot.

No YANBU in any of it OP , in my opinion .

you wouldn't be unreasonable to ask not to drive him to the cinema either, bearing in mind your regular contact with your elderly parents. I don't see why you should have to put your family at risk for your job.

Thanks whentherabbitswentwild, I’m usually a go with the flow type and would have happily gone to the cinema but it’s early days, numbers are only just going down and imo sitting in a cinema whilst a virus is still around us is not an essential or necessary atm. Just my opinion though 🤷‍♀️

Would you normally accompany him into the sports centre?

Can he use the toilet himself? Does he have learning disabilities as well as physical difficulties?

I think YABU, if you are not shielding or vulnerable yourself you can't pick and choose what work you do.

You are being totally reasonable. No sense in doing something which you feel will endanger your family as, if you do, it will probably lead to feeling resentment.

I don't think you can realistically refuse to do your job and be able to keep your job.

Yeah I agree with this.

In your case, it’s not clear if sitting in the cinema is part of your job description though.

There will be a lot of these types of queries in the near future. And there will be lots of people looking for jobs who may be more willing to take risks than others.

I think it is reasonable to ask "would you mind if..." and suggest waiting outside in the car. If he is happy and able to stay in the cinema by himself then that's fine - especially if you said his previous carer used to wait in the cafe.

However if they say no then you would have to think about whether this job is suitable for you in these conditions.

I can't see why offering a compromise would be unreasonable and result in me needing to seek another job. He has no learning difficulties and neither does he need personal care. He has a brain condition which interferes with his co-ordination but otherwise in perfect health. He is more than capable of sitting in a cinema alone and I am not refusing to take him there or help him in the cinema, I would be at hand other than sitting beside him. Its not permanent, just whilst we are in this uncertain period. In two weeks time I will drive him to the day centre he goes to, I haven't refused to do that. Am I really being that unreasonable to not want to sit in the cinema?

Am I really being that unreasonable to not want to sit in the cinema?

That depends on his needs and the terms of the contract, surely?

Absolutely fine to not sit with him. You would previously have driven him to an activity which isn’t open yet, so he’s asking you to drive him to one that is

I would say it depends on his disabilities. If he has a brain condition which interferes with his co-ordination, does that mean there is a risk of him falling in the cinema and hurting himself? In which case, you need to be in there with him, even if that's only a small risk.

YANBU to not want to sit in a cinema but your employers would also not be unreasonable to find someone else who could fulfil the role fully to their requirements.
Cinemas are going to comply to government regulations but you still won’t feel comfortable in part due to your other caring responsibilities - your employers can’t change that so would be justified in finding someone else to take over your role.

I can see both sides to this, but have you actually said this is what you plan to do, i.e sit outside?

You're likely overthinking this and they won't have an issue.

There is no guidance that I'm familiar with to prevent you sitting in a cinema when it is classed as safe to do so.

Caring for other groups of people also shouldn't impact on your own employment considering the govt and guidelines say cinemas can open with precautions.

What did you say when the cinema was mentioned?