To think my boss is being unsupportive (pregnancy)

[roarfeckingroar]

I'm aware I'm a bit over sensitive at the moment. First pregnancy, 24 weeks. My career has always been v important to me, I'm 33 and in a mid senior position.

AIBU to think my manager is being unsupportive?

Due to CV, she's struggling to get cover for my role, which is frustrating I'm sure. I also haven't been here that long, it'll be about a year when I go on mat leave. Within the time frame for eligibility for full maternity benefits. It's a huge company.

I reminded her that I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so can't do a set time, plus 40 min travel each way. "Oh. I'm happy to support all these appointments but isn't there a quicker way to get there?" No. I'm walking. Avoiding public transport, which adds on about ten min each way. She says fine, I suppose that makes sense.

I also haven't been able to tell anyone aside her and her manager, because there isn't yet a plan sorted for my cover. I'm six months along now and regularly working 12 hour days - not a problem, I love my job, but I wish I could be more open.

AIBU to feel fed up and sad at being made to feel I'm a nuisance? I feel shitty and isolated enough without this negativity around an appointment I'm legally entitled to take during working hours.

@AnnaBanana333 yup 🙁

OP - I worked in banking comms. Stakeholders were, without fail, the ones who were the most reasonable. It was my bosses who were weird. Also, because I had good relationships with internal clients (admittedly, I'd worked there a long time) they wanted me to take lead on managing my maternity cover, but my bosses didn't. So that caused a few issues as they had more confidence in me being able to properly ensure the role was covered properly

[and yes, I did, on a few occasions, receive emails to my personal email address from bankers who asked me to give an opinion on the advice they'd been given by the pseudo replacement my bosses eventually dragged in from another part of the business. On plus side, I returned to be greeted by the kind of enthusiasm usually only experienced by world-class footballers on their first game of the season! There was a hilarious incident on a KIT day where I was walking across the trading floor to join a meeting and a Very Big Cheese ditched his conversation shouting, "YOU'RE BACK!?!?", and was then crestfallen when he realised it was just for the day! But flattering.]

@BlingLoving oh that's awesome, you must be fantastic at your job. I have really great professional relationships with my guys (99% men, typical in this industry) and I bet they'll be supportive when I eventually tell them.

@roarfeckingroar when I first realised I was pregnant I panicked about work (am 25 weeks) as it means so much to me and I worried about all the things I was going to miss and what if my cover was better than me?! Having been furloughed and worked very long hours during this pandemic, my wholE mindset has shifted and I can’t wait to redesign my job role. I plan on going part time and splitting my job in two. It can be really hard to imagine how it’s all going to when work means a lot to you, but try not to get too anxious. Don’t push yourself into working mad hours just to prove yourself, your job will be waiting for you when you get back.

It helped that my bosses, and my replacement, were not loved by the internal clients! . They loved my team and were happy enough with the extended team, but they definitely felt unloved while I was out.

Keep pushing your boss to communicate the issues. Point out the downside of blindsiding internal stakeholders.

the pay gap is not between women and men it’s between mothers and the rest of the working population

Not entirely true. Even childless women pay a "maternity penalty", although motherhood and consequently switching to PT/less pressured and lower paid roles is a big factor.

@SeagoingSexpot
Yes I take your point, that even before woman become mothers, we are already deemed to not have the same value as we may get pregnant at some point. But statistics have shown that the biggest gap between working men and women happens at the point women decide to have their children.

Interesting programme on Netflix That is worth watching about it. It’s in the “explained” series, And not to hijack but also one about race related wealth, which I found upsetting and informative.