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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask someone why they are ignoring me?

58 replies

onestepat · 23/06/2020 07:52

They pick and choose when they can be bothered to speak.
You text and sometimes they blank you sometimes the reply.
They disappear mid conversation (even if you've asked a question)
They just seem like they can't be bothered with you.
Would you ask why ?

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 23/06/2020 08:30

They have no kids and are not working.

Oh, well they obviously have no life and should be grateful they've even got someone texting them.

What on Earth can they be doing???

They just blatantly keep ignoring me

They don't text you back straight away. Unless they're blanking you in person, they're not ignoring you - they're just not texting back straight away.

Try calling them if you want real-time interaction - it's unreasonable to expect that over text.

UnfinishedSymphon · 23/06/2020 08:33

You're terrified? Who is this person to you?

IsMiseMorag · 23/06/2020 08:37

I'm that person too. I frequently don't open texts/whatsapps that I can see have arrived because as soon as the ticks go blue I know there's a stopwatch ticking. And sometimes I just don't want to talk right at that moment. Which used to be the whole point of texts vs a phone call.

GrannyBags · 23/06/2020 08:39

I took the op to be talking about a friend but re-reading its more likely to be a romantic partner or potential one.

Panpastels · 23/06/2020 08:39

Why are you terrified? Who is this person to you?
I have been that person and sometimes it's because I am just busy and sometimes it's because that person is too full on, so I don't answer all messages and leave a delay.

mum11970 · 23/06/2020 08:40

Any chance they may just be busy? I was messaging my mum yesterday, I sent a reply but then went off to make tea or do something and didn’t see her message again. I wasn’t ignoring her I just had something else I needed to do and I don’t tend to carry my phone around the house with me. I may answer someone straight away or it could be hours before I see a message, it totally depends if my phone is right next to me or not. I continually tell my kids to ring me if they need an immediate answer or who knows when I’ll notice a text.

TitianaTitsling · 23/06/2020 08:52

If you are terrified and walking on eggshells then it's probably good you can find a way out. What positives do you get from the relationship?

RiftGibbon · 23/06/2020 08:52

I have a friend with some MH issues who does this. I'll get a text (usually random thing starts it) and will reply. Quite often there will be no reply.
Person isn't working, has no children.

If I am busy and am not able to have a 'conversation' by text, then I will say so at the start, to manage the other person's expectations. I do this for everyone who texts.

Original poster
onestepat · 23/06/2020 09:06

I might just mention it in a jokey way so it doesn't sound like I'm questioning them.

OP posts:
WinningEveryDay · 23/06/2020 09:17

If it's someone you're hoping to have a romantic relationship with (sounds like it is), I wouldn't mention it at all. You'll just look needy.

SparklingLime · 23/06/2020 09:21

Erm, you’ve ignored a lot of questions in this thread. Not that you’re obliged to answer them, but... it’s a little ironic!

LonginesPrime · 23/06/2020 09:26

I might just mention it in a jokey way so it doesn't sound like I'm questioning them.

You will still sound crackers, OP.

If I were the other person, I might not tell you to fuck off, but I'd definitely be thinking it. And I'd certainly be ignoring your texts after that, as it would be a huge red flag (regardless of whether this is romantic or not - who wants controlling, needy friends?).

If I were you, OP, I'd look to yourself. Learn to relax (as in actually read up on how and implement strategies), try to look at things from the other person's perspective- ask what they're up to today and take an interest in them, and also arrange a phone conversation with them so you can get the kind of interaction you want from them (assuming they're up for that too, of course).

Basically, just act like a decent human and treat them like an actual human too. They exist when you're not talking to them and they're not your plaything.

onalongsabbatical · 23/06/2020 09:33

OP - YOU ARE IGNORING ALL OUR QUESTIONS - CAN YOU SEE HOW ANNOYING THIS IS? Grin

Persiaclementine · 23/06/2020 09:34

Your giving this too much head space. If you want to text them and ask them go for it. Usualy when people are this het up about texting it's about a love interest. In which case they are not interested, so just block and delete if it's a friend then maybe have a phone conversation with them as opposed to texting.

SnuggyBuggy · 23/06/2020 09:34

OP could it be that you too have a difficult communication style and they are maybe getti g frustrated and needing a break now and then?

BombyliusMajor · 23/06/2020 09:42

Ugh, I’ve had friends who’ve insisted on long discussions about their unmet needs if I wasn’t constantly available at their convenience for endless text messages about nothing. It made me feel like taking out a restraining order. I give people like this a very wide berth these days.

Sharkerr · 23/06/2020 09:44

You sound kinda clingy.

This is how everyone I know communicates. You reply when you’re able to and wish to, and it goes both ways. Not having kids or working full time doesn’t mean they have nothing else going on in their lives.

True friendships don’t need instant replies or a tally kept of who messaged who last, i’d just forget about this person cos you’re not compatible and maybe seek friends who are similarly looking for a greater degree of contact.

MadinMarch · 23/06/2020 10:05

Also, I would be really fucked off if someone asked me why I’m not constantly glued to my phone texting them.

This!!!
I hate having to constantly interrupt what I'm doing to reply to mundane text messages. Also, I wouldn't reply straight away if I'm socialising face to face with another person when the text comes through, unless it's urgent and then I would apologise or explain to the person I was with why I needed to respond straightaway.
I don't see the problem with not instantly responding, and think the op needs to calm down a bit and also lower their expectations,

LonginesPrime · 23/06/2020 10:08

@onalongsabbatical Grin

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 23/06/2020 10:11

Maybe they're just busy and at that point in time they can't reply.

Are you messaging them every day?

My DM sends me multiple messages everyday and doesn't understand that I can't reply immediately all the time. Sometimes it can be a few hours and some of the things she sends me I don't even know how to reply too - sometimes it's a Facebook post someone's put up and I don't know how to respond because I've not understood it or not found it as funny as she has.

tinytemper66 · 23/06/2020 10:16

I am like this with the powers that be in work. If they text me instead of using the proper channels (email) then I ignore them.

I usually don't ignore others who I am close to. I try my best to reply within a reasonable time. I do make mistakes and forget but usually it is nothing personal but things get in the way.

I am thinking of blocking the two main bosses in work and they will have to contact me via email.

cravingthelook · 23/06/2020 10:34

I used to have this with a good friend. We had conversations about it and he knew it bothered me. Would spout, the I value your friendship nonsense.

So it dawned on me that if someone continues to do something that they know bothers you, they aren't a friend let alone a good one.

6 weeks ago I stopped texting, I've not heard from them. It's actually easier to know exactly how much value I have. Yes it stung, but at least I'm not allowing it to continue

Original poster
onestepat · 23/06/2020 14:46

Sorry for late reply.
I've just finished work.
It's a guy who I've had a on off thing with I think that's why I care so much.
He always try's to make me jealous etc

OP posts:
Original poster
onestepat · 23/06/2020 14:48

I text him and jokingly said ..you must find it hard to keep up with all your messages..your always in demand.
He reply's yes ..including this
It was a text from a girl saying
"Been chanting for 7 months,when we meeting for a shag "
Charming
Safe to say I'm not bothered if he ever messages back now.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 23/06/2020 14:51

Your friend isn't ignoring you. If she was she wouldn't be responding to You at all. You need to adjust your expectations and realize her time is her own and her phone is for her convenience not yours

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