AIBU to think I have spoilt my baby?

[Secretlifeofme]

My baby girl is 8 months old today. She's lovely, smiley and gorgeous and was much wanted after several years of trying and three miscarriages. But I'm worried that I have done all the wrong things with her
She feeds to sleep for naps and at night
She will only nap in my arms
She co-sleeps in our bed next to me
She wakes up at least 3 times a night and I feed her back to sleep
She is pretty clingy and will only play alone for about 10 minutes before she wants to be picked up or engaged with

I am worried that I've spoilt her and that she will be really needy forever now does anyone have any advice? I would like her to be able to play independently and to sleep independently too... How do you even sleep train a co-sleeping baby?

Thanks for all your advice everyone :) I am feeling a bit better about it but still would like her to wake up less at night. It's the summer holidays in two weeks so I think I might try some gentle sleep training then. (As you have probably realised, I'm not in the UK.) I have the Elizabeth Pantley book and also was looking at a method called Little Ones - has anyone used either of these? I don't want to use controlled crying really.

Just giving your post a bit of a bump

I don't really have any sleep training advice since I haven't done it - I'm still bedsharing with my three year old and now my 8 week old too - but you could try Sarah Ockwell Smith's Gentle Sleep Book?

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/09/05/8-ways-to-encourage-better-baby-toddler-sleep-without-sleep-training/

I do all of that stuff with my son and I had a lovely cuddly, playful and independent 3 year old. Don’t worry about it, you can’t spoil a baby with love!

You literally can’t spoil a baby. Enjoy those lovely close times. We did all those things. Nothing terrible happened! All is fine.

Of course you’ve not spoilt her. She’s not clingy - she has a strong attachment to you which is perfectly healthy.

You cannot spoil a baby. Enjoy this time with her, and don't worry about silly things like that.

Attachment parenting seems to be the method you followed and that is not spilling your baby. There is a book called the no cry sleep solution that you might find helpful, it doesn't, follow cry it out but makes you look at baby habits etc..

Enjoy your baby. You sound like a lovely mum. Both my babies were like yours but they do grow out of it. I’d do anything to have them back as babies just for a week to have all that back again!

Babies can’t be spoiled. They need to be nurtured and responded to. A baby with responsive parents will grow up to be a secure child.

Absolutely not!

I've only raised one of my own but I've cared for many, many babies over the years and this is totally normal at this stage.

It won't last she will naturally seek independence from you as she matures and becomes more mobile.

I had a baby that at this stage was very "clingy" and several people commented negatively, total nonsense - as soon as she was getting mobile and taking an interest in the rest of the world she was off and I barely got given a backward glance!

My dd is fiercely independent now at the grand age of 19.

This is a TINY part of your child's development.

You cannot "spoil" a baby!

You can't spoil a baby and it all goes so quickly, I feel like that and my DS is only coming up for 3 years old.

Enjoy her, cuddle her all she wants and you're happy with, snuggling at night time feeds is amazing, it's one thing (among many ) that I miss.

You have loads of amazing things to come, but seriously, enjoy the beautiful moments you have now.

It's not spoiling a baby to do the things you do, but it does set your little one up with patterns of expectations and what your LO is used to. For some people this is perfectly fine and they're happy to co sleep / get up through the night / lay next to them until they fall asleep etc until they stop themselves at an older age. If you're working, that is understandably a big barrier in this.

Don't feel bad at all if you don't want to continue the night time wakings which will mean some sleep training will be needed. I was somewhere in the middle, I didn't like co sleeping, it definitely caused worse sleep all round for us. I think the second they rouse, they and you are instantly there and ready to provide that comfort back to sleep so they dont learn how to not need that touch and feed. I did bf to sleep for a good while or cuddle/rock as needed, until I sleep trained. Our issue with my youngest was evening wake ups, every single night an hour after he'd gone to bed he'd be up again, then a few hours after that and 2 hourly thereafter. There is no shame in starting to make changes if that is what you want.

I would think prioritising getting the baby down for naps first would make sense. To wake up in the night is very common still at 8 months, but you could start making changes that might make it less often, if your LO can feel safe when they rouse at night, rather than needing you every single time they go through a change in sleep cycle. Laying down by themself will help with this. For nighttime I sat by the cot holding his tummy until he fell asleep.

I believe Elizabeth Pantley basically just encourages you to keep doing what you're doing... I guess there must be more to it than that, but doesn't sound very helpful?!

Sorry for the no paragraphs, this happens to me on MN regularly! Agh!

I did the same with DS, he's now 18 months, happy to play independently, sleeps in his room (unless poorly), very confident at nursery and with other children and adults, and a very loving non clingy child. I'd do the same again. I loved that time with him.