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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I have spoilt my baby?

64 replies

Secretlifeofme · 22/06/2020 13:12

My baby girl is 8 months old today. She's lovely, smiley and gorgeous and was much wanted after several years of trying and three miscarriages. But I'm worried that I have done all the wrong things with her Blush
She feeds to sleep for naps and at night
She will only nap in my arms
She co-sleeps in our bed next to me
She wakes up at least 3 times a night and I feed her back to sleep
She is pretty clingy and will only play alone for about 10 minutes before she wants to be picked up or engaged with

I am worried that I've spoilt her and that she will be really needy forever now Sad does anyone have any advice? I would like her to be able to play independently and to sleep independently too... How do you even sleep train a co-sleeping baby?

OP posts:
Moooms · 22/06/2020 13:55

You could never soil your baby with love!! Your doing a wonderful job, and sounds like you've naturally adopted a more attachment style Smile

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 22/06/2020 13:56

I would definately try to get her to learn to sleep on her own. I agree with a lot of the other posters about her just being a baby but on the other hand you might be making a rod for your own back.

My DS wouldnt sleep unless I was there, holding his hand. He didnt ever learn to fall asleep on his own and has had sleep problems ever since. (of course he may have had them anyway but he is the only child of mine who has had this problem)So I can understand your worries. His older sister and younger brother were both popped into their cots awake and learned to fall asleep with no problem.

Porcupineinwaiting · 22/06/2020 13:56

I think it is quite normal to get to where you are at 8 months. At the same time I dont think it's great for anyone, including your dd, if she can only get to sleep when being held and personally I'd set about changing it .

EarWeGo · 22/06/2020 14:02

IME most of this stuff is baby driven - you parent the child you have for the most part.

^ This ^
You are creating a secure attachment. As long as you're both happy with the arrangement then continue as you are!

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 22/06/2020 14:03

Babies are still just baby animals and they don't know or understand that we've evolved to want to put them down so we can crack on with things or that we want to sleep through the night because we have a ton of other crap to juggle in the daytime.
You can't spoil a baby. You're just meeting her needs wonderfully. My second child was "clingy". Fed to sleep, slept with me and loved to be in the carrier until she was two. People enjoyed telling me I was spoiling her and making a rod for my own back.. well she is the most chilled out, lovely 5 year old now. She didn't cry or even look back at me when she started school. Falls asleep when her head hits the pillow and plays independently a lot!
If the sleep is causing problems for you, can her dad deal with some of the night wakings? My DH used to take over when I needed more sleep and it worked quite well. She wouldn't always need a feed, just a cuddle back to sleep.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/06/2020 14:05

You can't spoil a baby.

She feels loved and comforted by you, great job.

In six months time she will be vastly more independent. Even if she isn't it really doesn't matter. Give her the opportunity to experience new things when you can any enjoy your baby. In my experience your baby is very normal.

birthdaybelle · 22/06/2020 14:16

As if you can spoil a baby!!! You sound lovely. She's getting positive messages about attachment and security. Keep doing what youre doing

Apileofballyhoo · 22/06/2020 14:18

You can't spoil a baby. The more secure and safe they feel the more confident they are at exploring the world.

tara66 · 22/06/2020 14:27

My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 7 years old.

Delbelleber · 22/06/2020 14:35

I turfed my co sleepers out to their own cot and room, one at 6m one at 9m and practiced controlled crying. Not fun but after a week or 2 we have a baby that sleeps through the night in own bed. I figured that my presence in the bed was actually the cause of the night feeds.
Currently got co sleeper number 3 but he's only 5w so he's got a few months yet before he gets turfed out.

Onesailwait · 22/06/2020 14:35

No, you can't spoil a baby. I think what you've done so far is make her feel very safe, secure & happy that is more important than any kind of routine. When you are both ready you can start looking at a bedtime/sleep routine. I did the same with my 3, by 18mths they were all pretty much sleeping through in their own beds. Well done you're doing a great job.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 22/06/2020 14:36

YABVU, you are not spoiling her, you are parenting her.

Is someone telling you different? Are you coming under pressure to do things that don't feel right because someone else thinks you should be doing things differently?

pointythings · 22/06/2020 14:49

You're doing fine. 10 minutes playing independently is completely normal, she's a baby! As for sleeping and feeding, 8 months is a typical tough time when they're going through a lot of development - crawling, cruising and standing are all on the way. So their brains have a lot to process. Her sleep will settle.

If you want to teach her to sleep more independently, you can - but use a gentle method like pick up/put down, not controlled crying. However, feeding through the night is normal at this age. DD1 was a model baby and slept 10 till 7 from 10 weeks old, DD2 needed two full feeds until she was nearly a year old. Both fully breastfed, go figure. Pick up/ put down sorted out her sleep within two nights once she started messing about on the boob at almost a year old. Go by what feels right for you, not by what you're hearing you 'should' do.

Fivebyfive2 · 22/06/2020 15:18

My 6 month old is very similar, feeds to sleep loads and we haven't moved him to his room yet, although he does sleep in his snuzpod to the side of the bed. Glad I saw this thread, it's a nice change from being told I'm making a rod for my own back etc.

Ducky1900 · 22/06/2020 15:29

She's 8 months old... That's pretty usual behaviours for a baby of that age.
My son was ebf, always cuddled or fed to sleep. I loved it tbh, altho a bit wearing at times.
We stopped BF at 14 months, and he slowly weaned.
He's 22 months now, and about 8 weeks ago, decided he would just go to sleep on his own in his cot. Was Completely out the blue, and upset me a bit that he didn't need a cuddle anymore.
He plays independently, he sleeps in his cot 8-8 90% of the time, goes down for a nap in his cot again 90% of the time in the afternoon on his own.
I'd like to think we created that safe environment and he now feels safe and secure enough to be in his own room knowing we are just next door.
Don't rush your baby to grow up!
Honestly, you'll blink, she'll be nearly 2 and so independent.

Ducky1900 · 22/06/2020 15:30

@emodi completely agree.

MarigoldMoonStone · 22/06/2020 15:47

I agree that its only a problem if its a problem for you.
I started getting really upset & frustrated (being overtired myself) when my baby would take so long to go to sleep while being cuddled, rocked etc so had to make a change as that wasn't really working anyway.
We co-slept until she was about 4 months old then put her in the next2me as she was a fidget so I hardly slept even if she did.
At 6 months we started doing, I think it was called, the ferber method - put the baby down awake if the baby cries go back in after 2 mins just as reassurance but don't pick the baby up, if still crying go back in after 5 mins, then 8 mins...or whatever intervals you want really.
It was a god send, I think by the 4th day there was no crying and the worst we had was about 20 mins on the 2nd night..she has slept through ever since.(6pm - 6am)
They say between 6 and 8 months is the best time to do it...

BabyLlamaZen · 22/06/2020 15:50

YABU.

This is a normal, healthy breastfed baby. How can you spoil a baby?!

MarigoldMoonStone · 22/06/2020 15:50

You definitely do miss the cuddles tho! But my little girl has started giving me cuddles now before I put her to bed at night and before naps - Soooo Lovely

SerenityNowwwww · 22/06/2020 15:51

My mum (5 kids) always said that you couldn’t ‘spoil’ a baby.

Sunshine1235 · 22/06/2020 15:52

Sounds pretty normal to me. You won’t make her clingy. I did similar with both of my children and one of them has a particularly needy/affectionate personality and the other one doesn’t give a shit. They both play well independently and together - they’re 2 and 4 now. Do what feels right and works for your family. I found stopping night feeding when mine turned 1 seemed to curb most night wakings. I was happy to meet their need for night feeds up until then but then I needed the break for myself and my own sanity

NoRoomInBed · 22/06/2020 16:02

I did the exact same with my 2 year old but he was awake every 45 mind throught the night. He is now a happy sleeps all night in his own bed boy 😊 I'm doing the same to ds 2 so can't be all bad 🤣 as long as you are both happy don't worry about it.

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 22/06/2020 16:11

Agree with PPs, whatever suits you is fine, but if you want to break the habit of her napping on you, I would feed her at her ‘usual’ nap time with a clean nappy on, then when she falls asleep, put her in the buggy and go for a walk, she might stir but hopefully will fall back asleep quickly, and maybe stay asleep for a little while when you get back home. I did this with my son around 4 months or so to ‘train’ him to be able to fall asleep by himself, and it worked well. I still did the snuggly nap in my arms thing every now and then though, it’s lovely!

Needanewnamenow · 22/06/2020 16:19

I did all these things with my baby, and at about 11 months old she started to sleep through and I went on to feed her until she was over two. Your baby is not spoiled she's loved and she's only eight months old. Enjoy her while she is this little, I wish I had appreciated mine more at the time

Chottie · 22/06/2020 16:46

No, definitely not.

You sound a loving and caring mum - just carry on :)

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