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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can they actually stop me

307 replies

Rosebel · 21/06/2020 10:56

I've been in hospital with pregnancy problems since last Sunday. Had the baby on Wednesday and every day they say I can go home tomorrow but still can't.
They are waiting for a Covid result which might be tomorrow but probably not. This is for the baby not me.
The doctor said they can't let me go but I'm sick of being in hospital. Every day is a reason why I can't go home. Can they actually stop me leaving with my baby?

OP posts:
cologne4711 · 21/06/2020 13:23

If they haven't discharged you over a weekend I would have thought they had really good reason to keep you in, usually hospitals do all they can to get rid of patients at weekends.

However, I was really keen to get out of hospital after having ds so I completely understand why you want to leave, covid or no covid, hospitals are hotbeds of infection (and I also wanted my own bed).

Crazydoglady1980 · 21/06/2020 13:24

Ask to speak with the midwife, explain that unless there is a clinical need, you are going to leave. Explain that you are going to be isolating anyway and ask that the results are given to you when they arrive. If there is a grave concern, the paediatrician will visit to speak with you, if not then you will be free to go

Jux · 21/06/2020 13:27

The haven't lied. They expected the result to come through 'tomorrow' and then it didn't. That's not lying fgs.

Do you think they WANT you there longer than necessary? I'm sure they'd love to send you off home but then you'd sue them if something happened, wouldn't you?.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 21/06/2020 13:28

Congratulations Thanks

Please don't listen to all the bonkers people on here.

You have every legal right to take your baby home: you are not in prison.

Have a chat with a MW/nurse (with OH backing you up if you're feeling understandably fragile).

CodenameVillanelle · 21/06/2020 13:30

@PrincessConsuelaVaginaHammock

Eh? Why would a hospital attempt to get a court order to stop a mum taking a baby home before Covid test results are through? Can you just think that scenario through?

Evidently you can't, if you think that's the only reason it might possibly happen. I'm conscious that OP might not have and if she does have might not be telling the full story, ie if there are other concerns. It would be worth her full consideration of this before making a decision.

The OP would not be in the position she is in now if there was such a severe risk to the baby if she discharged them that an emergency court order or police protection would be sought. That would only be in the case of a mortally ill baby or an extremely dangerous adult in the network, and if that were the case, the OP wouldn't be being left to linger with no protection while they wait for results.
ImFree2doasiwant · 21/06/2020 13:31

I'd stay put if I were you. I know it's not the nicest place to be, but ime they are usually keen for you to leave asap. Which makes me think that there's a reason for them wanting you to stay.

Crazycatlady83 · 21/06/2020 13:34

The only person with parental responsibility in this situation is the mother. If the baby is well and the mother can care for the child, no court will order (or police will enact their powers of protection) to withhold a mother exercising their parental responsibility and discharging herself & the baby.

When I had my DS, I had to kick up a massive fuss to “be allowed” to leave. In the end I said I was going at 5pm that day whether they approved or not. They had me discharged with all the medicine at 4.30pm!

ChaToilLeam · 21/06/2020 13:38

Just pack all your stuff and tell them you are leaving, formal discharge or not. It is not a prison and they have no right to detain you.

ChicCroissant · 21/06/2020 13:38

You've only got the OP's word on what is happening though Villanelle - it's a one-sided story.

VesperLynne · 21/06/2020 13:41

They can’t stop you from discharging yourself but I’m not sure about your child. They probably can if they feel he/she is at risk.

BabyYoda · 21/06/2020 13:45

I demanded to leave the day after giving birth both times. The midwives wanted me to stay until breastfeeding was established but I knew I needed to be at home with actual support. Postnatal wards are hell. In my experience they absolutely will keep you in for no reason and take forever to discharge you!

Original poster
Rosebel · 21/06/2020 13:46

So you think I'm lying about the situation? What would be the point of that especially on an anonymous forum?

OP posts:
SandieCheeks · 21/06/2020 13:47

@VesperLynne

They can’t stop you from discharging yourself but I’m not sure about your child. They probably can if they feel he/she is at risk.
Hospitals, schools etc don't have a right to remove children from their parents. Only courts (and the police in an emergency) can do that.
Notredamn · 21/06/2020 13:48

I got fed up of waiting so informed them we were discharging ourselves. This soon hurried things and we left at midday after I'd given birth in the early hours (I had discharged myself directly from the labour ward in previous births). Just ask for an appointment time to bring the baby back for checks. It's perfectly legal and no SS concern.

Lynda07 · 21/06/2020 13:49

I do sympathise, Rosebel. You must insist on getting the test result quickly and get husband to support, and speak up for, you! There's no point in hanging about in hospital for days for no reason but the medics do have to be sure about your baby's health - they have to cover themselves. Having said that, if you are both well, I don't see why you cannot go home now. If there were any problems, you could always go back quickly. Hospital certainly isn't always the best environment.

Good luck - tomorrow may be the day. Congratulations on your daughter. Flowers

Lynda07 · 21/06/2020 13:50

Notredamn Sun 21-Jun-20 13:48:24
I got fed up of waiting so informed them we were discharging ourselves. This soon hurried things and we left at midday after I'd given birth in the early hours (I had discharged myself directly from the labour ward in previous births). Just ask for an appointment time to bring the baby back for checks. It's perfectly legal and no SS concern.
.........
Excellent advice.

Justwalkyourfineassoutthedoor · 21/06/2020 13:54

I discharged myself and my baby after being stuck in hospital for 5days - baby was fine but no one had showed up to do their hearing test. I had high BP but home monitoring set up with with the hypertension clinic. No one would sign the paperwork to say we could leave so in the end I told the midwife at 11am that I was being picked up at 2pm and magically a doctor appeared at 12:30pm with all the paperwork signed and a form so I could make an appointment to have baby’s hearing test at home.

Tell them you are leaving and see how fast they suddenly get things sorted.

PrincessConsuelaVaginaHammock · 21/06/2020 13:58

Codename everyone in OPs position should consider whether there's any likelihood of a court order being sought before deciding what to do: I did when I was (possibly I think more about such things than most people as I used to do care law, but it's still good advice).

istheresomethingishouldknow · 21/06/2020 13:59

Tell them you're packing up your things and your baby's things and you're going home. Calmly. Tell them you'll be happy to sign their paperwork that you're discharging yourself if you need to, but you're going.

They can't keep you there without a court order.

BatShite · 21/06/2020 14:09

No one would sign the paperwork to say we could leave so in the end I told the midwife at 11am that I was being picked up at 2pm and magically a doctor appeared at 12:30pm with all the paperwork signed

We had this with DD. Everything was fine but couldn't find anyone to do paperwork. So we said (about 12pm ish) that we would wait but we were going to be picked up at 5pm regardless. Someone came in at 4.30 with paperwork done. Might have happened either way, but seemed good timing I have to say.

Yorkiee · 21/06/2020 14:11

I should have said we did leave in the end. Paper work was ready but he kept saying im going to come back just need to speak to consultant? But the discharge paper work was ready. I actually waited 2 hours extra then said iv had enough! Nurse told me to go. Took the paper work and left.

Frozenfrogs86 · 21/06/2020 14:11

No they can’t. I’ve left hospital with my baby. I had to sign something. The midwives fully understood and (secretly, thought we were best off at home too!). Unless you are detained as a criminal or under mental health act you can’t be held against your will. Your baby would have to be quite unwell for them to refuse to release them to your care and they wouldn’t be able to do that without a court order. They would have to prove you were a danger to your baby or neglecting their health to a serious degree.

littleducks · 21/06/2020 14:12

I had to leave against medical advice with third dc. He was born at home but due to policy had to be transferred in as was low weight (due to bad hyperemesis which hospital had failed to treat properly all pregnancy) for 'checks'

He was seen by paediatrician and checked. No concern apart from possible slight jaundice. My others had both had possible jaundice (mixed race so Dr's always found difficult to tell from observation). Treatment was sunlight and lots of feeding.

Ward had scaffolding outside, no natural light really, I wanted curtains closed to breastfeed as builders out on scaffolding as well as rest on ward. Curtains didn't even close fully. Horrendous noise from building work couldn't rest let alone sleep.

So I discharged us both. Explained to doctor I was experienced and had breastfed two children already but there was no way I could establish breastfeeding in that environment. Dr understood and I signed forms.

Mws still tried to stop me leaving an hour or so later as they hadn't finished with my paperwork. And I wasn't allowed to walk out caring my baby. Despite the fact I had walked in carrying my baby lead than an hour post birth. In the end I stood up and walked out leaving paperwork behind (carrying baby).

My community midwife totally understood and apologised profusely for how I was treated.

Sally872 · 21/06/2020 14:13

I would firmly tell them you have been waiting to leave for two nights and you do not intend to wait another night unless there is a medical need for your baby to be there. If the doctor needs to see baby before leaving they better do it this afternoon.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 21/06/2020 14:13

You can self discharge yourself. I am a medical professional and I suspect they are following a hospital protocol, but a hospital protocol is not the law!