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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Father’s Day - what counts as a lie in?

86 replies

HanPanPeg · 21/06/2020 07:00

Normally our DC sleeps until 7/7.30 so I would count a lie in as to around 9am.

Today DC woke up at 5am and I spent around an hour trying to get him back to sleep and failed.

Giving I’ve been up since 5am SURELY a lie in now counts as 7.30am? AIBU to wake DH even though it’s Father’s Day?

I usually get up with DC normally earlier than DH anyway as a rule as I am more of a morning person - yesterday DH slept till about 8.45am and we’d been awake for an hour or so.

5am is very early though and I feel resentful!!

OP posts:

likeacrow · 21/06/2020 08:04

@MinnieMountain

I never use my lie ins for sleep OP. I spend it with coffee and the radio. It's just nice not to have to DO anything.

I often use mine to catch up on Corrie in bed with a cuppa if I can't sleep. Lovely to have that time for myself.

Ijustcalled · 21/06/2020 08:05

So jealous of all the 10am lie-ins! But my two are always up before 6 so 8.30 feels like a lie in. Feel for you OP, hard work being pregnant and having a toddler.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 21/06/2020 08:06

Dh is putting up our new bed that was due between 7.30 and 9.30. it came at bang on 7.30! No lay in for him unfortunately but I'd say a decent lay in is after 8.30

lootsharks · 21/06/2020 08:08

He's still a parent, the responsibility doesn't stop just because it's some made up commercial date. I'd wake him up.

StarScream22 · 21/06/2020 08:08

Can’t you just put the child back to bed? I’d never even consider getting up at 5am. That’s the middle of the night to me! Mine would be sent back to bed.

Keepgoing88 · 21/06/2020 08:11

A lie in depends on when they woke up, and who was up in the night with them if applicable. My DH is in bed , I was up at 620 but I'm expecting him no later than 830!

heartsonacake · 21/06/2020 08:12

YABU. It’s Father’s Day; he should get to lie in as long as he wants, just as you should on Mother’s Day.

Waking him up now would be very selfish and would achieve absolutely nothing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/06/2020 08:13

Can’t you just put the child back to bed? I’d never even consider getting up at 5am. That’s the middle of the night to me! Mine would be sent back to bed

Same. A 5am wake up would be treated exactly the same as a 1am wake up.

MinnieMountain · 21/06/2020 08:14

Good idea @likeacrow I could watch crap TV that DH hates.

Maybe83 · 21/06/2020 08:16

We dont have a set time for life

mamaof2girls · 21/06/2020 08:20

Been up through the night with night feeds our 18 month got up and I left the newborn with him for a extra half a hour as she was sleeping but went in took her out and I will leave him to sleep till atleast that's half 9 only because we have plans today and I would like to get house etc done before going out! I always do the night feeds and the other morning he actually took the newborn for me to have a extra few hours myself normally I keep her next to me and he deals with the toddler so it's the least I can do today for him! X

SallyWD · 21/06/2020 08:22

I'm letting DH get up whenever he wants and preparing a special breakfast. He does the same for me on Mother's Day.

Namechanger0800 · 21/06/2020 08:26

Yes let him lie in it's Father's Day - I've taken baby downstairs at 5:30 am and everyone else still in bed. But make sure you then agree a fair way to have equal lie ins going forward.

Maybe83 · 21/06/2020 08:29

Posted too soon. We dont have a set time rather. It's when the other person wants to get up before usually before half 11.

We do take it in turns though. We might not be asleep until then but watching tv or reading even if we are awake.

Start taking it in turns and discuss what time works for your family.

crispysausagerolls · 21/06/2020 08:30

I cracked at 8am and woke him because I was watching tv with DS and literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. Time for a swap! He fell asleep at 21.30 yestedsy so 21.30-8am not a bad innings! I couldn’t sleep until 23.00, was up every 15-20 mins peeing and BF DS from 4-5am so exhausted going to sleep now.

Just wanted to let you know I cracked 😁🙈

Ponoka7 · 21/06/2020 08:32

@StarScream22
@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz,
I thought that until I had a 5am waking Grandchild. It would be pointless waking up the whole house and the adjoining neighbours, trying to make her go back to sleep. Some two year olds are more compliant than others.

Lemonpink88 · 21/06/2020 08:33

@crispysausagerolls just wanted to say love your reply! 39 weeks here & also up with the toddler at unreasonable o clock! let’s hope when these baby’s pop daddy’s doing the 5am shift!

AnotherEmma · 21/06/2020 08:40

Being 6 months pregnant with a 2 year old to look after is hard work.

For that reason, YABVU to get up with your DC every single morning.

"when the toddler wakes up, I wake up and then I can’t get back to sleep so I don’t see the point in both of us being awake - but the end result is that I’m always tired and DH is well rested!"

You should stay in bed anyway and rest. If you have a few days in a row like that (as opposed to alternate days) then you might find that you are able to go back to sleep in the end.

DH and I don't always alternate days, sometimes we do 2 days in a row because it's easier to have a proper lie-in on the second day.

I can understand the temptation to wake up your DH earlier today, given that he slept until 8.45am yesterday and your toddler woke at 5am. Personally I'd probably hold out until 8am and then poke head in to see whether he was fast asleep or not, but that's just me!
Anyway if you let him sleep until 9am maybe you could ask him to take DC at some point today so you can have a nap?

2007Millie · 21/06/2020 08:48

DH is allowed to lie in a long as he wishes today, he has just got up and currently having a relaxing shower

However

We alternate weekends over the weekend every week. So yesterday I stayed in bed until 8:30

Fattyboom · 21/06/2020 08:49

If it were Mother's Day and your DH was asking, what would your thoughts on the matter be then?

flibbertmygibbert · 21/06/2020 08:55

Today 08:49 Fattyboom

If it were Mother's Day and your DH was asking, what would your thoughts on the matter

Depends if DH was heavily pregnant or not.

AnotherEmma · 21/06/2020 09:01

Ha exactly
Also I don't think this heavily pregnant DH would do every other morning...

Scarlettpixie · 21/06/2020 09:02

Would your toddler go back to sleep if you let him get in your bed? We used to do this and it got rid of the early starts. It was blissful.

notheragain4 · 21/06/2020 09:03

7.30 is not a lie in, in any context.

If he's a decent man and a good dad who otherwise does his fair share, just let him sleep. If he's one of these dick heads who does the bare minimum then wake him up.

lovemakespeace · 21/06/2020 09:29

Once I got pregnant with my second DC I learnt the power of the nap. I would also tend to be awake any time from 5am if they woke me, but then I would get up for a couple hours. Once my DH got up around 7 I'd always go back to bed, he wasn't working so we had flexibility but I would definitely do this on the weekends. Pop some white noise on so I couldn't hear any kids. I also always always napped when my toddler was asleep at lunch. We just didn't do any housework or really get anything done for a few years.

If my husband worked more conventionally I would have found a way round it too.

These are really really really difficult years. Go into survival mode, work as a team and find ways to make sure you both get enough sleep :)

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