To be exhausted with the relentlessness..

[ASeaViewPlease]

We are healthy and have no imminent financial concerns.. but I just feel burnt out with the relentlessness of full time work, homeschool and childcare at the moment. DH also works full time and does 50% of everything. But I feel there is no rest from 7:30 when once of us starts work to 11pm when kids (primary school age) are at last asleep and have stopped demanding drinks; chats; cuddles etc, and I’m finishing some work (often to 10-11 or 11:30). We Sit down for 1.5hr of of a tv programme on Friday and Saturday. I try to go for a walk or jog most evenings (before dd1 is asleep and before I do some catch up work) and wonder how people with kids manage to have their feet up relaxing watching tv at 9pm (As it appears to me when i pass a window !) Right now I have a load of dishes to wash; cake to ice; two kids to put to bed (DH is mowing the lawn). Just fed up with the ongoing daily Jobs and hassles. And feel guilty as I know I’m unreasonable given that so many Have significant problems - are unwell, single parents, abusive relationships; carers etc. I don’t know how people manage. Huge respect to you if you are in that situation.

Ok I’m moaning. Bring it on. Tell me Iabu and I will get a grip!

Relieved to read this - I'm feeling the strain too, but feel guilty about it as so many others are in much worse situations. I'm desperate for time alone or with friends!

It's the fact that every single day just feels the same that gets me. Boredom, crap food, isolation, fucking cbeebies, nothing to plan or look forward to. It's grim.

Yep. Single parent to tweens, wfh. They are on screens waay to much and I hide from them by having a bath or if the weather is nice sitting outside in the sun so I don't get asked to look at this amazing stuff on fucking YouTube. I carve out time every day to really focus on them, schooling and fun stuff but I can't be at their beck and call all the time. 9pm is also my cut off. We go up about 8.40 for stories etc but that's it. Short shrift if they appear after that unless the bed is on fire!

YANBU, sounds exhausting. I agree with BelleSavage, kids in bed by 7.30 and lights off at 8.30.

I don’t blame you @ASeaViewPlease and I’m glad you started this thread because DH and I feel exactly the same.

We have a small house and there’s nowhere and I mean NOWHERE to WFH. We’re getting so stressed and both us keep getting a bit teary.

Both our jobs are at risk of being permanently wfh and if they are we’ll have to move house and then have the stresses of buying and selling as well.

DS is a lovely boy but he’s so demanding, and he constantly repeats himself and narrates what he’s doing / playing. It’s so tiresome. The other day I cried because he was talking and going from question to question without pausing. And having tantrums, screaming and crying because my answers weren’t good enough.

(Im not crying in front of him)

Cannot wait until 2020 is over and a distant memory. I’m literally wishing time away

Moan away. I have no idea why but I've felt shite throughout lockdown. Excuse my language. But I have. I honestly am terrified of being a normal functioning human again. I've either got a headache. Feel weak. Feel sick. Feel tired. Can't be arsed or something else.

I love my five year old. But she had just started school and it was sooooo needed. She needed the socialising. She needed the learning. She was loving it. She was maturing. She was sleeping better. Thanks to lockdown routine has gone out the window. Sleep is a battle. It's impossible most days to motivate her to work because her brother is 2. He's also a destructive two year old. They eat all day if I let them. They need a drink as soon as I sit down. If I dare have a snack after they have had two snacks they hang around like dogs lol!!

The washing is never ending. The pots are never ending. The crumbs are never ending. there's toys everywhere. I haven't sat with another adult for three months. I've not had a cuppa and a catch up with my friend since march. Everyone has stopped video calling. The rainbow in the window novelty is over. The weather is crap.

I feel like me and my partner are just living together at the moment. We don't have sex because nobody sleeps. We are always tired. There's always a mess.

I'm writing this with a sense of humour. But some days I do cry. Which is not like me. But I am struggling with it now. I am so over 2020. It's been crap

Oh crumbs, I’m exhausted just reading your posts. I live on my own and sometimes the loneliness gets to me but tbh I’m very lucky in comparison to you people coping with families, work, homeschooling etc etc.
Hats off to all of you and I’m sorry I can’t give you any constructive ideas but just wanted to show some support. You are all heroes!

Sympathy op.

Most days I make dinner at lunchtime when kitchen trashed for lunch. Then when it’s dinner time it’s all done and feels like a takeaway

yep it's exhausting. I've booked a few days leave next week as even just not having to juggle working with kids will feel like a break. Assuming i can work with kids at home in the summer dont need to save the leave. now that dd1 is in school once a week and dd2 at the childminder it's still hard but more manageable.

we're also talking about using more leave and taking unpaid if needed to keep going.

It's terrible I feel just the same, my days are just the same. One of the worst things is that I've worked part time and had some weeks off but that's been worse than working all week. So I'm full time now. Kids aren't at school. We're all miserable. My dad also died last month so I suppose that puts me in the 'other issues' camp but awful as it is I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not also dealing with his terminal illness and that he's avoiding this shitshow stuck in his house afraid.

OK it's tough love time.

Get your bedtime routine sorted out and stop faffing around. It's for your own good.

Seriously, just do it or you'll burn yourself out. 😊

Lowered expectations!! DH and I have been working full time shifts throughout, with a 2 and 7 year old at home. I got to the point where I seriously worried about my mental health and was referred to occy health for anxiety as I was tearful and snappy all the time. Luckily, I managed to find another role in the orgnaisation which allows me to work from home. Don't get me wrong, that's bloody hard work too, but taking away the anti social hours, and the commute time has made a massive difference.

The kids go up the bed at 7.30 and the 7 year old reads until around 10pm. There is Always stuff around the house I could be doing, but it will still be there the next day if I don't get it done. I make sure that I am settled each evening by 8.30 to have some time to unwind, else I cannot cope with the daily grind.

Lots of places are beginning to open now as well. Do you have anything booked to look forward to? That makes such a difference. I'm taking the kids to the zoo next Sat while DH works, and it's made such a difference to my mindset instead of knowing the day will drag out in front of me.

I'm totally with you on this, I think so many of us are. DH and I have worked our normal hours through out, I am very thankful we both compress into 4 days per week, so we've had a couple of days where both of us aren't working and doing home school at the same time.

My DS went back to school last week, which has helped a little, but there is no wraparound care so I'm trying to cram my work day into 8am-3pm, then it's more childcare each day. Redundancies are looming and it's a period I need to prove myself, when I feel like I have less time than ever.

As a family I think we're all on top of each other, and I lost the plot on Friday! DH took our son out for a little bit yesterday afternoon and just having a hour to make myself sit down, have a drink and crochet a couple of rows on my blanket was really helpful!

Like the other poster, I don't know if you're looking for tips, but I've started a daily practice of doing 5 minutes breathing practice. I've found this level of mindfulness is easier to fit around my family than a guided meditation and it's really helping me stay calm and have some perspective.

OMG yes OP I'm definitely feeling the same, DS must sit on my lap constantly or climb on me just leave me alone for 2 minutes please 🤦‍♀️

Then when he goes to bed my eldest two watch a program then every bloody evening drag their feet at bedtime like it's a surprise they need to brush their teeth oh and want to talk to me non stop when I have barely has a grunt out of them all day.

To top it off DD2 has autism so will often want to stroke me or has tics usually noisy ones. I know it's because she is struggling and anxious herself so I'm patient but Arghh.

OP I can remember feeling like this when my children were young, and I didn’t have home schooling to contend with!
I realise it’s not much help to you at the moment, but it really does get easier as they get older.

You will feel so much better when you have a reliable couple of hours to yourself every evening. Prioritise getting your kids to bed and staying in their room - no further drinks requests etc - as precious posters have suggested. Start today and start as you mean to go on. You will feel better about the whole situation in a few days.

YANBU, we’re in the same boat and feel we should be grateful for having secure jobs and no real worries, but it IS relentless with nothing different to break up the days!

Totally get you, the relentlessness of it is exhausting.

I really hope that something is sorted out by August (Scotland here) around the schooling as right now the talk is of blended learning, ie part-time at school and I just can’t handle anymore homeschooling. The tantrums coupled with trying to work full-time is never ending and sometimes I just want to hide!

There are loads of us feeling like this. I started a thread last week about how I felt I was just existing at the moment and wondered if I'd get flamed or possibly just ignored and there were pages and pages of replies. It is relentless.

Yanbu. Relentless is the word.

@Nannewnannew your post really helped me this morning, so thank you.

There is no perfect situation in all of this. It must be so tough for people living alone too, for different reasons.

OP how old are your kids? I have 2 in the older primary years and I don't recognise what you are saying.

Sort your DC's bedtimes out. Ignore attention seeking antics once they're in bed. DH shouldn't be mowing the lawn at night. Anti social, very annoying noise, especially at that time - he'd be more useful helping set bedtime boundaries.

Get the DC to help out with jobs around the house. Reward system?

Why were you icing a cake? Making unnecessary work! walk/jog alternate evenings, watch trashy, no thinking required TV on non jog evenings.

Keep meals simple by having a rotating menu of easy prep dishes. Make the most of the coming hot weather by having lots of cold food meals.

Don't feel guilty OP. I might have it better than a lot of people, a garden, on furlough right now...but that doesn't mean it hasn't been awful. You should allow yourself to feel what you feel.

I love my work and would so much rather be there! I miss my routine and the people. My children are older but one has complex needs and needs a lot of direction with learning. Also, much as I adore my family they are just, here you know, all the sodding time. I'm used to a little bit of space mot masses but space, even drive time. I'm finding it really really hard.

It is relentless. You're not alone and it is okay to feel this way.

I have always dome what pp mentioned, in your room and not bothering me from whatever time was age appropriate...for the 70% of the time it works its definitely worth it!

You are not alone. None of us are. Most of us wish we were, for at least part of the day! This is a long hard slog and we will have plenty of moments of feeling like there is nothing to look forward to. Can you set something in your mind? Then you've got something to focus on for the tutored, which might make counting the days a little easier.

@ASeaViewPlease

I think that everything is harder atm and tbh, I'm not sure it's going to suddenly improve come the autumn. But that's a wait and see.

I'm a lone parent and work, as well as homeschooling. So though not the "same", I do have some things I try to do, primarily to make life easier.

My lo is 5,but does the basics of putting dirty clothes in laundry basket etc,laying table. And I think that's something that needs to be instilled as we're a unit, a team.

I spend time planning meals - most are meals that require the prep 1 day for that meal and then a quick meal using the leftovers as the basis for the next day's meal-planning based around how busy I am, so that if its a particularly manic work day I would plan that day to have the leftover meal. I also now try not to do excessive cooking meals on weekend as eats further into our downtime unless I actually want to cook for pleasure. I also now do more cheat easier meals like throw veg to roast, jackets, pasta bake or even casseroles (I know not the weather for them but eh it works).
Having a set home schooling routine also helps massively, for example we start early, so then lo stops and watches bitesize on the BBC and I have a scheduled early morning conference call at that time.
My school are not providing school work, so I also plan that out, so there's a balance of Oak online material, material I set that can be done mostly independently and set the tasks needing me for when I know I'm available, sometimes that's weekends and evenings. I also find setting challenges works well....
Sticking to work hours is also key. If there's flexibility, you need to review whether working later for that time in the day is actually more beneficial to you and the family than actually sticking to your regular hours. And maybe look at taking annual leave or parental leave between you and your oh to give you both a bit of a "break".
We go for walks now. But we're shiekding, so we always planned an after work activity, from gardening to board games we're typical.
As for others having evenings, I turn off as close to on time as I can. And also have a personal cut off, where if I've not got to the washing up, I accept i will do in the morning. And also, don't forget, wfh doesn't have to mean no breaks at all, because if you were at work you'd have a lot of off time, so you can spend 5 minutes doing the washing up, peeking veg, hanging the washing out and having time away from work and the chikdren! Never have I enjoyed laundry hanging so much!