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Husband and his hobby
62

Happymummy8888 · 20/06/2020 12:49

This is a quick yes or no

I have 6 month old twins and a 7 dd. Husband started new shift pattern of 4 12 hour days. I’m wfh due to Covid.

One twin is sick it’s viral but not sleeping and very clingy. H worked night shift last night came home this morning to get ready to go to his hobby I asked if he would stay home to help with kids as I was exhausted he said no and off he went.

Had a few texts back and forth and he said there’s no point me being annoyed as if he didn’t go to his hobby he would have went to bed as he was working all night. His hobby is a sport!! Who is being unreasonable here

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

TwilightPeace · 20/06/2020 13:38

How long is he out on his bike and how often does he go cycling? Has he just finished his 4 shifts for the week now?

Also, are you trying to wfh full time and look after the DC or is your work part time with rest of time looking after DC?


Does it matter, if his wife is struggling with a sick 6 month old twin??

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Piglet89 · 20/06/2020 13:42

@AriettyHomily well, the mumsnet hobby is hardly gonna be practising the double bass, is it?

It’s nearly always cycling.

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MummBraTheEverLeaking · 20/06/2020 13:45

He's an arsehole. No point in you being annoyed indeed! Condescending lazy twat.

Yep, go out of the house and leave him to it see how he likes it. No doubt he'll moan at which point you can raise the point of why leisure time is ok for him but not for you.

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AnnaMagnani · 20/06/2020 13:45

You have twins. The hobby is cycling.

There is literally nothing you could post here which would make you the unreasonable one.

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glitterfarts · 20/06/2020 13:50

You need to develop a hobby too.
If he has 4 hours for a bike ride, take yourself off tomorrow for 4 hours and let him be a father on father's day.

Every single time. Equal free time.
You have to work after no sleep and looking after a sick kid. So can he.

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glitterfarts · 20/06/2020 13:52

I suspect your resentment will grow and you'll end up leaving. He is selfish. Anyone that selfish won't stop. Won't help.
I doubt he'll step up.

You could call his bluff and ask him to leave. If you had every 2nd weekend off, its more than you get now

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Happymummy8888 · 20/06/2020 13:54

He’s working again tonight so can’t leave the kids with him and I wouldn’t anyway as the wee one is so sick just wants cuddles and the other one is wanting attention too.

I am wfh full time my work has suffered but my boss is v understanding thankfully. He got home from work at 730 left at 930 will be away until 330 then leaving for work again at 6. My eldest is not his so she goes to her dads eow and thankfully this weekend is it or she’d be left on her iPad all day.

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billy1966 · 20/06/2020 14:02

What an absolutely selfish prick.

Unbelievable OP.

Unbelievable.

Twins are so relentless and you are working.

You poor woman.

Completely unforgivable.

Flowers

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Colom · 20/06/2020 14:04

Ah another "bike wanker" as my husband calls them Grin sorry OP they tend to be a special breed of selfish IME

YWBU to marry one but YANBU to be pissed off with him over this.

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edwinbear · 20/06/2020 14:06

If he’s a golfer you should have learned by now golf takes precedence over everything. Self centred pricks are golfers.

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strawberry2017 · 20/06/2020 14:07

So he's not going to sleep at all before work?
I hope his job doesn't involve driving or concentrating!
If he can stay up all day to cycle he can stay up and help with his children.
He is a selfish prick

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LittleBearPad · 20/06/2020 14:09

He got home from work at 730 left at 930 will be away until 330 then leaving for work again at 6.

So when the alternative is childcare he needs to sleep but when it’s cycling he can survive on four hours max?

Wanker

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vanillandhoney · 20/06/2020 14:09

So he thinks it's okay to spend his day cycling, but he can't help with his small DC instead?

He's a dick, OP.

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flojo73 · 20/06/2020 14:10

What job does he do that he doesn't need a decent sleep between nightshifts!!?

Am also married to a cyclist. It is a very time consuming hobby, but my DH is understanding when I want some time to myself.

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Soubriquet · 20/06/2020 14:12

He’s a total wanker

I could understand if he needed sleep ready for work tonight but to go out cycling and then surviving on 4 hours sleep is disgusting

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InspectorCludo · 20/06/2020 14:18

YANBU.
During the really tough part of lockdown I asked DH to take a day off to give me a break. He did. Our children weren’t sick and they aren’t small babies but I just needed a break.

Your DH is being selfish. His attitude makes me question whether he really cares about you at all.

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Techway · 20/06/2020 14:21

Golf courses have struggled with membership because of the cycling trend..the selfish, family avoiders golfers have become cyclists.

He is completely unreasonable as he is prioritising himself above family. Anyone who can walk out of the house leaving a sick child and exhausted partner is a twat and probably lacks empathy.

I posted on a thread "will I remain single forever" and this is the behaviour that causes women to say they prefer a single life to staying with a selfish man. As the poster has found, if she is single she can at least have EOW free.

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Scrumbleton · 20/06/2020 14:22

OP - I am so angry on your behalf and of all those women whose partners are jerks - magnified during lockdown. No other words

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1forAll74 · 20/06/2020 14:43

I wouldn't mind him going out on his bike, if he isn't much use at home.

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comingintomyown · 20/06/2020 14:57

What ? Are you serious?

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HollowTalk · 20/06/2020 15:11

Whenever I see a cyclist out now my immediate reaction is "selfish bastard"!

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JustC · 20/06/2020 15:20

YANBU at all. Might I add your mistake was ASKING if he can stay and HELP. He does not help yous, he is the father of those children. I would have said ' I need you to stay home because of this situation'. His behaviour was selfish, no matter how he is trying to twist it.

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MadeForThis · 20/06/2020 15:30

He gets to sleep while he is on his night shift.

He should be there to support his kids.
He should be there to support you.

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MummBraTheEverLeaking · 20/06/2020 15:44

From 9.30 to 3.30 he fucks off to cycle?? That's even worse than I thought, I mean a couple of hours would be taking the piss but THAT long? What does he even bring to family life? Nothing. I hope you aren't doing all the cooking and the cleaning and the washing but something tells me you probably are Sad

He needs to knock it on the head and start doing his fair share because what does he actually bring to your life except stress and building resentment and who needs that?

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Nanny0gg · 20/06/2020 16:00

I do hope you won't have his tea ready or sandwiches to take to work for him.

Selfish git.

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