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Husband and his hobby
62

Happymummy8888 · 20/06/2020 12:49

This is a quick yes or no

I have 6 month old twins and a 7 dd. Husband started new shift pattern of 4 12 hour days. I’m wfh due to Covid.

One twin is sick it’s viral but not sleeping and very clingy. H worked night shift last night came home this morning to get ready to go to his hobby I asked if he would stay home to help with kids as I was exhausted he said no and off he went.

Had a few texts back and forth and he said there’s no point me being annoyed as if he didn’t go to his hobby he would have went to bed as he was working all night. His hobby is a sport!! Who is being unreasonable here

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MoaningMinniee · 22/06/2020 18:17

Leisure cycling (the sort with lots of lycra, ridiculously overpriced bikes and associated gadgetry and far too many Strava time and map checks posted on Facebook) isn't a hobby. It's an obsessive compulsive disorder.

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CaraDune · 20/06/2020 20:38

Before I even opened the thread I thought "It's cycling." It always is on MN for some reason.

He's a selfish fucker, OP.

Have you tried pointing out to him that he may be starting a one way Lands End to John O'Groats cycle via the divorce courts if he's not careful?

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PurpleFlower1983 · 20/06/2020 20:35

It’s always cycling. My DH once expressed an interest in starting and I referred him to mumsnet.

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Happymummy8888 · 20/06/2020 20:31

He waltzed in at nearly 4 to say he’s signed up for a cycle on wed evening (his last day off) he genuinely believes I’m being unreasonable and am jealous of hi hobby.

I give up I just told him that I will be going out on Tuesday evening for four hours so he’ll be left to do bath and bed

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averylongtimeago · 20/06/2020 17:13

My aunt, who is a little "feisty" shall we say, came home from work to find her husband had buggered off on a lads only golfing trip, leaving their 14 yr old in charge of her two poorly much younger brothers.

After her DH turned up and was poured out of the car well after midnight, she waited until he went to work then took his golf clubs to the tip.

That sorted out that "hobby".

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NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 20/06/2020 17:11

YANBU. If he'd gone on a 1 hour ride to relax then looked after the children for a couple of hours so you could get some sleep and then slept himself before going to work, that would be okay. How is he going to survive on only 3 hours sleep? He won't be fit to help out tomorrow.

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Glittertwins · 20/06/2020 17:07

Hobbies come second to children's needs, especially when they are sick in my opinion.
We didn't do much when the DTs were very small because they rather much took priority.
We all do a lot more now they are older and DH's long bike rides are usually 5am on a Sunday morning - less traffic and he's home before anybody wants to do anything. It's always agreed in advance too

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BlingLoving · 20/06/2020 17:05

Dh' hobby is exercise. Outside of lockdown, he goes to the gym. During lockdown, he does virtual classes. He likes to go 4-5 times a week.

Every single time before he goes, he checks its okay with me and that I'm not too busy with work to watch kids/exhausted etc. He makes sure the kids are okay. Or he chooses to swap classes to go at times that are more convenient for me.

Every. single. time.

And then you get other men, like your Dh, who think pissing off for 6 hours when you have a sick child and are looking after two other children is okay. Twat.

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Carandi · 20/06/2020 17:03

It would be absolutely awful if his bike developed a bad puncture while he's off on his night shift tonight, wouldn't it OP? Make sure any replacement inner tubes go missing too.

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FurbabyLife · 20/06/2020 16:54

Men’s lives change very little when kids come along. It’s not worth the risk in my opinion although that doesn’t really help you now.

Was division of childcare discussed before children came along? Or is he just checking out because like so many others, he went into fatherhood for what it represents but actually doesn’t like it at all.

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MiddlesexGirl · 20/06/2020 16:45

No we don't need more detail. She's working from home with three children. 2 are 6 months old. One of the children is sick. She's asked for some help but her DH has decided to do his hobby instead of helping. So with all the information provided she is not being unreasonable and her husband is being an arse. I don't think we need to evaluate the whole relationship hmm

On the basis of the update the OH sounds unreasonable.
But if OP worked only a few hours and had their own hobbies etc etc it wouldn't be. I say that as someone who had lots of hobbies, little work (when the dc were young) and three under 3. I would have considered this reasonable if the oh in general pulled their weight around the house.

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Hopeisnotastrategy · 20/06/2020 16:16

I read your title and knew it would be cycling. Read him the riot act.

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Nanny0gg · 20/06/2020 16:00

I do hope you won't have his tea ready or sandwiches to take to work for him.

Selfish git.

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MummBraTheEverLeaking · 20/06/2020 15:44

From 9.30 to 3.30 he fucks off to cycle?? That's even worse than I thought, I mean a couple of hours would be taking the piss but THAT long? What does he even bring to family life? Nothing. I hope you aren't doing all the cooking and the cleaning and the washing but something tells me you probably are Sad

He needs to knock it on the head and start doing his fair share because what does he actually bring to your life except stress and building resentment and who needs that?

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MadeForThis · 20/06/2020 15:30

He gets to sleep while he is on his night shift.

He should be there to support his kids.
He should be there to support you.

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JustC · 20/06/2020 15:20

YANBU at all. Might I add your mistake was ASKING if he can stay and HELP. He does not help yous, he is the father of those children. I would have said ' I need you to stay home because of this situation'. His behaviour was selfish, no matter how he is trying to twist it.

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HollowTalk · 20/06/2020 15:11

Whenever I see a cyclist out now my immediate reaction is "selfish bastard"!

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comingintomyown · 20/06/2020 14:57

What ? Are you serious?

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1forAll74 · 20/06/2020 14:43

I wouldn't mind him going out on his bike, if he isn't much use at home.

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Scrumbleton · 20/06/2020 14:22

OP - I am so angry on your behalf and of all those women whose partners are jerks - magnified during lockdown. No other words

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Techway · 20/06/2020 14:21

Golf courses have struggled with membership because of the cycling trend..the selfish, family avoiders golfers have become cyclists.

He is completely unreasonable as he is prioritising himself above family. Anyone who can walk out of the house leaving a sick child and exhausted partner is a twat and probably lacks empathy.

I posted on a thread "will I remain single forever" and this is the behaviour that causes women to say they prefer a single life to staying with a selfish man. As the poster has found, if she is single she can at least have EOW free.

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InspectorCludo · 20/06/2020 14:18

YANBU.
During the really tough part of lockdown I asked DH to take a day off to give me a break. He did. Our children weren’t sick and they aren’t small babies but I just needed a break.

Your DH is being selfish. His attitude makes me question whether he really cares about you at all.

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Soubriquet · 20/06/2020 14:12

He’s a total wanker

I could understand if he needed sleep ready for work tonight but to go out cycling and then surviving on 4 hours sleep is disgusting

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flojo73 · 20/06/2020 14:10

What job does he do that he doesn't need a decent sleep between nightshifts!!?

Am also married to a cyclist. It is a very time consuming hobby, but my DH is understanding when I want some time to myself.

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vanillandhoney · 20/06/2020 14:09

So he thinks it's okay to spend his day cycling, but he can't help with his small DC instead?

He's a dick, OP.

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