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Original poster

Do I get partner a Father’s Day present ?

51 replies

Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:10

Advice please ! I have a nearly 3 year old daughter I am separated from her dad but we get on very well she sees him regularly etc. I now live with my current partner and have done for 6 months obviously he has a lot of involvement with DD and a strong bond but we are not married ... should I get new partner something small as a nod to Father’s Day or is that weird ?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/06/2020 15:14

I think it should be left down to your 3 year old.

Ask her if she wants to make a card/drawing/painting for her dad and your partner.

I think at that age a present is superfluous unless it's something the child really wants to choose and give.

FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood · 18/06/2020 15:15

I would say no as she has a father and it seems pretty inappropriate. Maybe in a few years, a step father card on the day might be nice from your daughter but definitely not 6 months into living together.

I would probably help dd make a car for her actual father as you get on well.

Also how would you feel (honestly) if her dad was living with someone 6 months and got a mother's day card from your dd to her?

Tlollj · 18/06/2020 15:15

No. He’s not her father.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2020 15:15

6 months is very early on, I’d leave it. What’s she giving her dad?

FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood · 18/06/2020 15:17

Ask her if she wants to make a card/drawing/painting for her dad and your partner.

I'd think that's an unfair question to a three year old as they probably won't understand the significance of giving it, and of they do it might make them feel bad saying no.

It's also implying to your DD that this man is her father now, which he clearly isn't.

Viviennemary · 18/06/2020 15:17

No I wouldn't. She already has a father. It would be too confusing.

knittingaddict · 18/06/2020 15:17

Yes, weird.

Get him something to say that you appreciate him if you want to, just don't do it on Father's Day.

Personally I think spontaneous gifts are much nicer than something given on a made up day that props up the card industry.

How long have you know him? Has he been around long enough to test his ability to parent your child?

Justwalkyourfineassoutthedoor · 18/06/2020 15:19

No I wouldn’t, he is not your daughters father, wait until she is old enough to decide that she would like to get him a step father card.

You have said she has a good relationship with her farther so I would help her to make a card or picture for him.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:19

I am going to arrange a card and small gift from her to her dad but I wasn’t sure if maybe I should just get a photo of her and my partner framed as a nod to everything he does for her rather than a card ? We have lived together 6 months but he has known her much longer

I had a feeling it might be abit weird though and most of you have confirmed it thanks !

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 18/06/2020 15:20

Really, really do no this do this.

Imagine sharing Mother's Day with someone your ex hooks up with not even now, but in 3 months time.

Don't provoke animosity where there needs not be any.

WorraLiberty · 18/06/2020 15:20

@FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood

Ask her if she wants to make a card/drawing/painting for her dad and your partner.

I'd think that's an unfair question to a three year old as they probably won't understand the significance of giving it, and of they do it might make them feel bad saying no.

It's also implying to your DD that this man is her father now, which he clearly isn't.

True when you look at it like that.

Actually OP, your child is too young to really understand Father's Day so I'd just leave it.

Maybe in a few years when she understands and he's had the chance to prove his worth as a positive influence in her life.

And even then, only if she feels comfortable with it.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:21

Yeah ok I understand I think I just want him to know i appreciate what he does for us both but I’ll chose a different day to do it

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2020 15:21

How long have you been dating?

Ohtherewearethen · 18/06/2020 15:21

No I don't think it's really appropriate, not as she has a good relationship with her dad. As a PP said, how would you feel if her dad made her give his new girlfriend a Mother's Day card? It might be quite nice if your daughter took him a bacon butty in bed or something as a 'thank you for reading me stories/making my dinner' gesture but I think anything more formal might be a bit much this year. Of course, in future she may well want to recognise the bond they share more formally but that would be her choice I guess.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:21

2 years dating but friends for many years beforehand

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2020 15:22

Your thanks and appreciation come from you, not your very young child. Just say thanks tonight and make him a cup of whatever he drinks. Doesn’t need to be a big deal.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:24

@Ohtherewearethen thanks I think that’s a good idea , a small gesture

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 18/06/2020 15:25

I really think it's a poor choice to use your child as a pawn in showing thanks to your current partner.

Pick his birthday, or Christmas, or Valentine's Day. Pick the last Friday of the month, or your anniversary.

You can't say thank you and let him know you appreciate him being a part of your family unit, but it's for your daughter to come to her own conclusions.

Tlollj · 18/06/2020 15:27

How would you feel if your ex did a Mother’s Day card for his girlfriend.
Because I’d be spitting chips.

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 15:27

No. He’s not her father. She has a father. He’s her mothers current partner.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:28

@seriouslyretro yes I see what you mean completely !

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 18/06/2020 15:28

*you can that should say, not you can't.

Don't make any association right now with Father's Day. I'd be beyond mortified and hurt if I discovered my young child woke up and made another woman a small breakfast/cup of tea/bunch of flowers/drawing to wake up to on Mother's Day. How crap for her dad to discover that.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 18/06/2020 15:29

I don't do anything for my ex for father's day (he doesn't do mothers' day for me either). I do sort out father's day for DH with/for his DC, but not from my DS. Similarly DH helps DS to get me a card for mother's day.

All the children will be here on Sunday this year. I've organised some afternoon tea and cards from the DSC. DS is having afternoon tea because it would be weird and unfair to leave him out (especially since there's cake involved 😆), but he wouldn't want to be involved beyond that - because DH is not his dad.

If you do want to do something to acknowledge what your DP does for your DD, I'd definitely pick a completely different day to do it. That makes more sense all round really.

Original poster
Amixedbunch · 18/06/2020 15:31

Ok decision made not to do anything on Father’s Day but I’ll make my thanks known on another day

OP posts:
Longdaysandnights · 18/06/2020 15:32

Aww I think it’s sad that soo many people said no.
He may not be her father, but at such a young age and living together I’m sure he plays some sort of father figure to her and I think it’s nice to acknowledge that.
Doesn’t have to be as “good” as dads gift but just a nice acknowledgment which is what I think the day is about.