Are you confident? Why?

[Unravellingonions]

How do you know, reasonably well, that your thoughts or ideas have value?

I've met some non confident males too

It's not exclusively a female trait

Everyone is different, that's what makes people interesting. If we were all the same, life would be boring !

If you go to an interview and think it's YOU they are judging rather than if you would suit the position, and walk out of an interview self-conscious and deflated, you are looking at it wrong.

Well, they have to judge your ability to do the job. That's totally fair and reasonable. I know it isn't personal. But the thing is - we all need to work to earn a living, and doing well in a job is a key to less stress because you have a steady income.

So if you've never really done well in a job and feel you're always not measuring up, I think it's very hard to be confident. And it is not something you can get away from, you have to care and keep trying to find something you can do adequately so that you can pay bills and eat.

Sorry I just feel demoralised about job hunting! Especially in this climate now where it is only going to get tougher.

Generally, my outlook is glass half full. That's my approach to most things - until I try things I don't assume I can't do them. I assume that I might be able to, if I put effort and enthusiasm in....

That was generally my takeaway from my childhood parenting.

My parents always told me, why not? You can always try things and if they don't work out, so what. Try the next thing. But don't give up unless you properly give something a go.

I do still get imposter syndrome - I sometimes feel too "young" to be an authority, but I've realised that we're all pretty much winging it, and most of the time my business decisions are sound.
Sometimes I do get treated as a newbie based on my appearance - I'm short and small - I also have "baby face" so if people don't know me they often assume I'm at the beginning of my career. Until I open my mouth...

Also, I do apply that approach to all things, not just work.

Some of my colleagues are surprised that I might attempt to restore a car, or use a saw, or drill, or go do but I just think, why shouldn't I? If I want to, and I do enough research to do an alright job and keep myself safe, what's the harm? Why should I always defer to someone else to do things for me? Why should I need a mentor at work? I don't need someone to tell me what to do. It's nice, sometimes, and other times essential, but you find the right person to guide you when needed. Otherwise - just try!!

Yes I am. I think I'm clever, well educated, funny, successful, and attractive.

And I'm old enough to know that while some people may not take to me, I couldn't care less.

I have my friends and family and feel secure in my place in the world.

My job gives me great confidence - it's fun, well paid, I'm good at it, and it gives me interesting things to talk to others about.

When I was briefly a SAHM when the DC were tiny I found myself, for the first time since adulthood, very low in confidence. It was a relief to go back to work and get that back.

Running also helps.

@Unravellingonions

If you go to an interview and think it's YOU they are judging rather than if you would suit the position, and walk out of an interview self-conscious and deflated, you are looking at it wrong.

Well, they have to judge your ability to do the job. That's totally fair and reasonable. I know it isn't personal. But the thing is - we all need to work to earn a living, and doing well in a job is a key to less stress because you have a steady income.

So if you've never really done well in a job and feel you're always not measuring up, I think it's very hard to be confident. And it is not something you can get away from, you have to care and keep trying to find something you can do adequately so that you can pay bills and eat.

Sorry I just feel demoralised about job hunting! Especially in this climate now where it is only going to get tougher.

Yes but your ability to do a job have nothing to do with your value.

I don’t have the abilities to be a neurosurgeon and I would make a pretty poor cook for a 5 stars restaurant, it doesn’t mean that I have no value, it doesn’t mean that I have no skills. Let’s say I have a PhD in physics and 5 years of experience in a niche field but I go to an interview and someone with a similar PhD and 8 years experience get the job, does it suddenly take away from my achievements? Does it mean that my PhD and years of experience hold no value? Or it’s simply that when compared to someone with more experience, their experience simply happens to be slightly longer than mine which understandably makes a difference.

When someone doesn’t offer you a job, they aren’t rejecting you, they aren’t denying that you likely worked hard and that your experience(s) /diploma(s) hold value, they are just assessing how much experience and education you have in comparison to what they are looking for and other candidates.

I understand feeling demoralized but it’s important you don’t let it impact your confidence or the vision you hold of your worth and value.

If you keep getting rejected maybe ask for constructive feedback and work on aspects you have the ability to change. The current climate means that people from all walk of life need a job and effectively the competition is high, so it’s even less personal that on a normal day. Don’t let it dent your confidence and I genuinely hope you find something soon! x

Yes. Don't know why. Turns out it makes others feel shit. Who knew?