Mums of daughters career minded ( no grandchildren yet career minded now 27)

[lisajane1966]

Does anyone relate to being a mum so is on Mumsnet but doesn't feel they can relate to people on Gransnet as they have grand children.My age is 53 I have a career orientated daughter aged 27?
I seem to be in an inbetween world of Mumsnet and Gransnet, I am older with no young children to look after, no responsibilities except to myself and my husband. I am free to do what I like so feel younger and not 53. My point is I feel to old to relate to younger women but want to relate to older women who are in same situation.

Yes the my old inlaws. Oh are they elderly. No 55

I don't understand the mindset of @lisajane1966 either. I am 57, two DD's aged 22 and 27, no grandchildren. I love Mumsnet for the range of ages and experiences I find here. No way do I think I am grandmother age. I am enjoying life, as are my DD's and I have no expectation of grandchildren, although I will embrace grandmotherhood with relish if it happens.

I will turn 53 in 2032. Both my children will still be at school. I can't imagine feeling that being 53 makes me "an older woman" or that Gransnet has any bearing on my life. How odd.

I'm 52 and I'm definitely not an 'older woman'. I'm planning to go straight from whatever I am now to 'daft old bat' and do what the hell I want with my life. I have 19yo and 17yo DDs and an 18yo I am informally fostering (though technically not any more as they are now 18) and Gransnet holds zero interest for me.

I do love my airing cupboard though. DD2 likes to get rained on in thunderstorms and it is so useful for drying out sodden clothes.

When I was 53 I was about a year into a very new exciting relationship. I certainly wasn't thinking about becoming a 'gran' and feeling like I could only relate to 'older' women.

Not sure I feel like that even now.

@HappyMealWithLegs

But you aren't. In no way can a 53 year old be described as an older woman!

I feel it as I have two extremes in my life ( a 92 year old mother in law and a 27 year old daughter. I am currently protected as a medically vulnerable patient - transplant and diabetic

@pigsDOfly

When I was 53 I was about a year into a very new exciting relationship. I certainly wasn't thinking about becoming a 'gran' and feeling like I could only relate to 'older' women.

Not sure I feel like that even now.

I have been with my husband for 33 years, I would have no idea where to start with a new relationship.

@FlurryKnox

You sound as if you have very set in stone ideas about life stages, OP. I’m five years younger than you with an eight year old and a career I started at 28 because I was studying till then.

You make it sound as if you’re some kind of anomaly in not having young children to look after, and as if you’re marking time till you have grandchildren you assume you’ll be looking after? Don’t you have a job ?

renal transplant with diabetes - no I do not have a job and I have a very domineering 92 year old mother in law, who I feel very judged by but I was bought up to respect old people and always backed down in her critical judgment of me so that I do not hurt her feelings due to her age.

I am much older than you are OP and I do have grandchildren. I have read both and find mumsnet more entertaining and witty then gransnet. It can also be nastier. There are a lot of topics discussed that have no connection at all with whether you have young children or not. I have also found that it is interesting to see how some younger women think and how this is the same or different from 30 years ago. I sometimes get irritated by the assumptions made about "boomers" their likely politics etc and the way some groups are usually in the wrong whatever they say or do on here. I am surprised by how snobbish some people are. I find mumsnet livelier than gransnet and more of an education. I have seen a lot of women my age on here and I don't really see the need for separate groups but if some people prefer them that's fine too.

Sorry to hear of your illness and transplant, OP. Again, though you seem to feel your domineering MIL deserves respect purely because she’s old, as though everyone over a certain age is automatically owed deference?

Wouldn’t it be healthier all round if you stopped feeling that certain things are supposed to characterise certain ages, and feeling anomalous because you don’t fit this imaginary profile?

this world that is so different to when I was younger. e.g. I moved in with my husband when I was 21 but now adays that is not the way with young women

Well, I am older than you, and I don't recognise the world of which you talk when 'you were young'. Certainly no-one I knew was 'settled' at 21. obviously there were people, just as there are people today who move in with partners / have dc at 21 or a lot younger, but it was no different 32 years ago from the way it is now

Re your original question / comment. I don't feel in anyway pushed out or 'in the way' on MN - there are thousands of women our age on here. It is such a broad spectrum of people on here - that is one of the delights of MN.
I hide topics that have nothing to do with me (weaning or TTC) or those that are just aggressive and boring (all the feminism ones) and enjoy the rest.
As a pp said, it is occasionally nice to be able to reassure Mums of younger dc, that it will all be okay in the end

@Narrows

Sorry to hear of your illness and transplant, OP. Again, though you seem to feel your domineering MIL deserves respect purely because she’s old, as though everyone over a certain age is automatically owed deference?

Wouldn’t it be healthier all round if you stopped feeling that certain things are supposed to characterise certain ages, and feeling anomalous because you don’t fit this imaginary profile?

Yes it will be healthier, its awkward because she has no other family. I need to speak my mind more. Anomolous I looked that up, I have always felt different with having the transplant - renal failure came out of the blue due to pre- eclampsia which has led to strict medical rules all my life but I am a very spontaneous person, I have know my mother in law for 33 years, it's a hard habit to break = she has never felt like a mother in law because of her age and she is also older than my grandma who passed away 20 years ago. I suppose having two such close people at different age spectrums keeps me bound between the two age worlds.

I'm mid 50's with 3 adult daughters.
No grandchildren so don't feel I belong on gransnet but at the same time I feel too old to be on here. I wish mine would hurry up - I don't want to be an old granny

@BackforGood

this world that is so different to when I was younger. e.g. I moved in with my husband when I was 21 but now adays that is not the way with young women Well, I am older than you, and I don't recognise the world of which you talk when 'you were young'. Certainly no-one I knew was 'settled' at 21. obviously there were people, just as there are people today who move in with partners / have dc at 21 or a lot younger, but it was no different 32 years ago from the way it is now

Re your original question / comment. I don't feel in anyway pushed out or 'in the way' on MN - there are thousands of women our age on here. It is such a broad spectrum of people on here - that is one of the delights of MN.
I hide topics that have nothing to do with me (weaning or TTC) or those that are just aggressive and boring (all the feminism ones) and enjoy the rest.
As a pp said, it is occasionally nice to be able to reassure Mums of younger dc, that it will all be okay in the end

Well then, I simply need to edit I need to hide topics as you suggest. So many people in my age group bought houses and settled down when I was in my early twenties, all of which a handful have now moved onto other partners. Who buys houses nowadays at that age and saves for things as they go along the years. Now we have the internet dating who meets in pubs and goes dating as we did taking time to get to know each other. Now we have music tv on the internet along with shopping. Its an instant world now, this is not how it was when I was young and I feel the world is a totally different place.

Gransnet is booorrrrrrring. Same old stuff and lots of hen pecking.

@notangelinajolie

I'm mid 50's with 3 adult daughters. No grandchildren so don't feel I belong on gransnet but at the same time I feel too old to be on here. I wish mine would hurry up - I don't want to be an old granny

OH at last somebody who gets it, thankyou.

@bloodywhitecat

I'm 56 yet I don't recognise your description of what it was like when I was in my 20s. I had my own flat when I met my (now ex) husband, we lived together briefly before we married when we were 26, I had my first child at 27. My kids are adults now, my DD is 30 and has no plans to have children yet.

I am now a foster mum to a 7 week old and a 7 month old and live with my new partner. I don't think my daughter's life goals are that far away from what mine were.

Sounds like you have a very full life though, very very busy and lots of laughter and conversation and fun with having two very little ones, I am still with my husband of 33 years.

I must admit it makes me feel quite sad reading your posts OP. I am younger than you, I'm 40 and I cannot imagine feeling like you have described in only 13 years time.

My own mum is 71, so 20 years older than you. My parents have been married about 45 years (I'm not certain) but even they didn't marry/settle down until later than you. My parents didn't have their first child (my brother) until they were 27. My mum didn't work, was a housewife. But even still, she has embraced changes. I think both my parents have a 'young' mentality. My dad still works and will never retire knowing him. They both like Calvin Harris, and stream music, do internet shopping and have the same interests as me and my siblings do. My mum still tells me M&S is for little old women, not her.

Mumsnet -despite the name- is a site used mainly by women, regardless of number of offspring bred. Have you looked at topics that aren’t about kids? As in, most threads. There’s loads of childfree women here, I’m one :) I’m not here to read about bubbas and prolapses and arsewiping, and thankfully, there’s a plethora of sections that aren’t about that. Don’t think of your kid as a potential vessel for another human (yeah, I’m sure you love her, think she’s clever, etc. Etc. but maybe she has chosen to not force someone into existence on a dying planet. Good for her.) if you’re really into infants there’s a huge shortage of foster carers. Your husbands mother is his problem, why not develop interests, or a job, or foster discarded kids who already exist? 💜

@lisajane1966 No I don't imagine I would have been interested in a new relationship at 52/53 had I still been married to my exh, but I'd been divorced for a while by that time and was a long way from 'too old' to start a new relationship.

@bloodywhitecat

I'm 56 yet I don't recognise your description of what it was like when I was in my 20s. I had my own flat when I met my (now ex) husband, we lived together briefly before we married when we were 26, I had my first child at 27. My kids are adults now, my DD is 30 and has no plans to have children yet.

I am now a foster mum to a 7 week old and a 7 month old and live with my new partner. I don't think my daughter's life goals are that far away from what mine were.

Brilliant that you are fostering you must have incredible mental strength and emotions to be able to give your time and effort to other peoples children who need help; and your new partner must be very giving and tolerant. Has your daughter always had foster children in the family. Do your daughters goals include fostering? What about your other children do they have kids, you have a very full life and lots of variety and issues which take up your time. Well done.

Do your daughters goals include fostering? What about your other children do they have kids

OP, you do seem rather fixated on adult children having children of their own in some form or another.

Well, I've been widowed less than 2 years (was going through divorce when it happened) and have no interest in another relationship - single is brilliant.

I don't see myself ever having grandchildren, neither of my two seem to want children. And that's fine, I live my life and they'll live theirs.

My FIL thinks himself modern and young because of the music he listens to and the clothes he wears. But my god, his attitudes and behaviours are of the worst stereotype of stuck-in-the-mud old man.

My dad is ten years older and a much kinder, warmer person, with a fusty-old-man dress style he's had since the 80s but a sharp and scientific mind.

Age doesn't mean very much about who you are as a person and what sort of grandparent you'll be, except perhaps physically.

No as far as I know my daughter has no plans to foster at the moment but she would like her own child/ren one day. I don't know if my son will ever settle down and have a family, he has indicated that it is of no interest to him but no-one ever knows what the future holds. I started fostering last year so my children didn't grow up with foster children in the home but I was a child in care myself so it has always been a part of my life plan to foster and do it well.