My bf's ex on his social media

[SconeTea]

My bf of five months is still friends with his ex. They were together for a year and split up last year. They are in contact online for chats and messages. She hearts his Facebook photos and posts. She has a photo of them cuddling together when they were a couple plus other photos of them together on her public profile. I had to ask my bf to remove his public post, from over a year ago, that said he was in a relationship with her. He removed the post. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this social media content and contact? My past relationships have given me trust issues as I was always cheated on and lied to. My bf knows this. I have spoken to him to say that his ex putting hearts on his Facebook makes me feel anxious. I want him to tell her to stop putting hearts on his posts but is this unreasonable of me? Trying to work this through - not to control, to not fell anxious about the ex, to not over or under react

[GoodUserName]

I think if my dh was really upset about this I would prefer him to tell me and I could unfriend the ex because his feelings would mean more to me than an ex but he would need to tell me for us to sort it and I'd really rather he did as like you say it's a big thing to you but probably not to him so he doesn't give it a thought and who knows maybe she's doing it to make you uncomfortable?

[FreeFromDinoMeat]

That's what I mean. I don't think it's odd that you asked him to remove that. I think it's really weird that he still had it set as in a relationship with her.

I thought you meant you'd scrolled down and found the old status when they'd first got together which I think would have been a bit OTT. But if his active relationship status was still 'in a relationship with Ex' whilst you two were together I'd think that was really weird. I don't know why he wouldn't have changed that as soon as he was single and definitely when he started to see someone else.

I don't agree about pictures tbh. Mainly because I'm too lazy myself. If you scrolled right the way through my Facebook there are pictures on there from when I was in college hanging out of mates windows with a bottle of cider and a fag in hand 😂, you'd definitely be able to find some of me with old boyfriends somewhere on there. Likewise with DH I'm sure. I'm not going to go through it all and delete everything or ask him to. We both have pasts 🤷 I don't even know why anyone would go looking anyway tbh.

[SconeTea]

@EmeraldShamrock

I think this comes under how to lose your partner. Stop the Facebook stalking and demands.
I can understand the relationship status but otherwise. If he is going to get back with her he'll do it anyway.

I hope not. My first reaction was anxiety but I felt that this was a strong reaction and now I can see it's not as dramatic as I thought. The relationship status part - I was right to say something. The rest - just to leave it be.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Try to put the past in the past insecurities aren't good for anyone, I've been there before. Ignore her she's clearly a FB attention seeker don't give her the attention. The hearts on his posts I bet she does it with everyone.
Don't sweat it.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

There are courses on how to work on one's self esteem. Many women (and men) should look into these because it would make their lives so much less drama...
Being friend with an ex is absolutely ok. If anything it actually shows that someone is mature enough to ve able to break up amicably. The fact that yous top sleeping with someone doesn't magically erases them from Earth. Obviously there are limits though. I am talking about simple friendship.

As pp said. Everyone has past and deleting it with every new partner is bit... Shame

[chubbyhotchoc]

I wouldn't be ok with the chatting nor would I date someone who's friends with his ex but that's prob just me being 'uncool' by standards here.

[choli]

If a guy I was dating for 5 months started trying to control what other people posted on my social media it would be a red flag that would send me running to the hills.

[SconeTea]

@choli

If a guy I was dating for 5 months started trying to control what other people posted on my social media it would be a red flag that would send me running to the hills.

It's not that I'm trying to control. I don't want to control. It's trying to understand my reaction and why the situation is happening. I'd never put a heart on anything my ex posted. That's me but others are different. It's me trying to understand this.

[SconeTea]

@chubbyhotchoc

I wouldn't be ok with the chatting nor would I date someone who's friends with his ex but that's prob just me being 'uncool' by standards here.

I understand that. I find it a new experience and it's a mind challenge for me. I didn't know about the friends with the ex aspect when I started dating my bf. He was upfront and mentioned her as his ex but I didn't think to ask anything more.

[SconeTea]

@SchrodingersImmigrant

There are courses on how to work on one's self esteem. Many women (and men) should look into these because it would make their lives so much less drama...
Being friend with an ex is absolutely ok. If anything it actually shows that someone is mature enough to ve able to break up amicably. The fact that yous top sleeping with someone doesn't magically erases them from Earth. Obviously there are limits though. I am talking about simple friendship.

As pp said. Everyone has past and deleting it with every new partner is bit... Shame

Good points. Simple friendship is fine.

[Eckhart]

The ex could be posting him Valentines cards every day and it would be of no concern to you, unless he was responding to them in a way that disrespected your relationship. It's not about his ex, it's about him, and whether you think he's going back to her/seeing her behind your back.

Has he given you any reason not to trust him?

[InfiniteGerbils]

@Eckhart

The ex could be posting him Valentines cards every day and it would be of no concern to you, unless he was responding to them in a way that disrespected your relationship. It's not about his ex, it's about him, and whether you think he's going back to her/seeing her behind your back.

Has he given you any reason not to trust him?

Don’t you think though that in the situation you describe above the ex would obviously be disrespecting OP’s relationship, giving the OP reason to bring this to the boyfriend’s attention by saying it makes her uncomfortable?

Personally I think that if there’s someone out there who’s crossing respectful boundaries of a relationship between two people they should be told to back off, regardless of who that is if it’s making one of the partners unhappy.

It’s rare that such behaviours are done from a place of “innocent friendship”.

Bear in mind the OP has stated the relationship with the ex fizzled out less than a year ago so on that basis I think any normal person would think the boundary crossing party has an agenda.

How the OP handles this is key, how her boyfriend reacts will also be key to how healthy a relationship this is.

[Eckhart]

Putting hearts on facebook posts doesn't cross any boundaries. Friends do it, families do it, colleagues even do it sometimes.

OP's boyfriend has said he thinks it's a bit weird. I think it's a bit far to be going asking exes to change their facebook behaviour.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

Tbf the boyfriend probably agreed it's weird for the same reasons my DH agrees with me. Sense of self preservation. 😁

[BumbleBeee69]

Fuck that OP.. if he's happy with his Ex smooshing all over his profile photos with love heart.... then I'd be drop kicking him to the kerb... you want a someone that focuses on the current not the previous... he's probably lapping up the attention.. CRINGE

[InfiniteGerbils]

Absolutely @Eckhart but when it’s an ex of less than a year IMO it’s weird (and a bit sad).

[Eckhart]

Well, she might just be one of those bubbly types who puts hearts on everything all the time. Which is a bit weird and sad, yes, but no threat to op.