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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I report this or not

39 replies

somersetblanket · 16/06/2020 21:51

Name changed for obvious reasons.

At the weekend I was out very late at night for a walk as I work strange shifts and was taking my dogs out.

I bumped in to an acquaintance outside of her home. She was very obviously drunk. We chatted for a few minutes before her partner called her inside as he was going to do "lines" and she'd better hurry up before it was all gone. (I don't think he realised I was there.) I knew from our conversation she had her 1 year old baby at home, along with her partner. She mentioned the baby was sleeping and she wasn't looking forward to the morning wake up call - it was 2am at this point. She said her partner wouldn't even stir when the baby cried after all the "booze and a good time."

I walk in a circle so passed by her home again about half an hour later and could hear her rowing with her partner, lots of shouting from her and although I couldn't make out what they were saying it sounded intense.

It's been bothering me for the last couple of days about the drugs and alcohol while in charge of such a young child. I have no idea if it's something I should flag up with someone and if so, who? I don't know what their circumstances are or whether it was a one off or an every day occurrence. I've seen her in passing since and tried to ask how she was, to offer help if she needed it, but she brushed me off.

WIBU to report these parents? If so, to who? Or AIBU and it's not my business how they spend their weekends.

OP posts:
GreyWall · 16/06/2020 21:56

Report immediately and ignore if anyone else says any different. Doesn't hurt to have it checked out properly. You could save a life or even two....

Mollymalone123 · 16/06/2020 21:59

I would report to social services and if u feel you can’t do that then NSPCC are excellent

Mum2jenny · 16/06/2020 21:59

I’d be careful as it could backfire as they may know you’ve reported them. Not saying you shouldn’t, but make sure you won’t be in the firing line!

Sunshinesweet123 · 16/06/2020 21:59

I would report, I'm exceptionally anti drugs as I've seen what it has done to family etc but drugs around children is definitely a no go! All It takes is for something to be left on the side and in the morning the baby finds it whilst they are hungover. Also If that's their norm including the loud intense arguments in the early hours what else are like around the Child especially in lockdown.

stophuggingme · 16/06/2020 22:00

Report
There’s a baby there

crispysausagerolls · 16/06/2020 22:01

Report.

Onekidnoclue · 16/06/2020 22:06

Report. That baby isn’t safe.

MitziK · 16/06/2020 22:14

If you have to ask us whether you should, then you should report it anyway.

That's what we get told on our training days - any doubt means report, as the fact you're even considering reporting in the first place means you've got something that needs to be looked at by somebody with responsibility.

Milkshake54 · 16/06/2020 22:19

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, report!

Tootletum · 16/06/2020 22:20

Normally with this stuff I think don't report but that sounds awful with such a young child.

dancingonmycervix · 16/06/2020 22:21

100% report. Poor child.

Floralnomad · 16/06/2020 22:22

I would report it mainly because if anything did happen to the child I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for at least not trying .

StormzyInaDCup · 16/06/2020 22:24

@somersetblanket I work as a social worker. Please call your local ss or nspcc and report your concerns.

It's not just about what you have witnessed (although this is concerning enough), it is what more could be going on behind the scenes here. Please do not ignore this.

TinyPigeon · 16/06/2020 22:24

I don't think anything would happen if your report is the only thing. Nothing you've said suggests to me that your acquaintance needs 'help'. She will know that it's you.

All that being said though it's better to be safe isn't it.

LastTrainEast · 16/06/2020 22:26

I don't take take drugs and I despise them, but from your description it's him taking the drugs not her. So she's dealing with a loud and useless partner. There seem to be a lot of those about.

She is drinking herself but that is not illegal and is considered a human right as we've seen with keeping off licences open.

I suppose the question I'd ask is "what would reporting achieve that would help her or the baby."

If he gets arrested he might even blame her if she is disapproving. It's probably not going to turn him into a good partner.

I'm not saying do or don't report. You'll have to decide that, but I don't see a whole lot of upside to doing so. It's not going to magically make things better.

Since she had been drinking the 'upside' might be that they take her baby away.

recycledteenager24 · 16/06/2020 22:28

i assume she has neighbours who would hear drunken rows and so what if your 'friend' knewyou had called it in ?

Original poster
somersetblanket · 16/06/2020 22:32

I don't have a lot to lose if something came of the report and she suspected me. We're not friends, acquaintance is probably pushing it tbh. My concern is for her as much as her child.

@MitziK - You're right. If I'm wondering if I need to tell someone, I should tell someone.

Thank you for all your input.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/06/2020 22:38

I don't take take drugs and I despise them, but from your description it's him taking the drugs not her.

You must've missed the bit where he told her to hurry up before it's all gone.

She was very obviously drunk. We chatted for a few minutes before her partner called her inside as he was going to do "lines" and she'd better hurry up before it was all gone.

ohoneohtwo · 16/06/2020 22:41

Without sounding like a dick, lots of people take coke and drink when they have kids in the house.

TinyPigeon · 16/06/2020 22:42

^ this tho.

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2020 22:51

@ohoneohtwo

Without sounding like a dick, lots of people take coke and drink when they have kids in the house.
They do and that's what makes me think SS won't be interested, plus there's no proof.

However, if for example they're already involved with the family (not saying they are as we don't know), this might make them prick their ears up.

indemMUND · 16/06/2020 23:17

Drink, yes because normal adults can control their intake with a child in the house. Legal unless they've surpassed the capacity to care for the child. Cocaine? Illegal. Report. Cocaine plus alcohol? Whole new thing created in their system with the two combined. Seriously dangerous. Report.

It actually scares me how many people think taking cocaine while drinking when there's a child in the house is okay. The fuck?! There would be evidence given a drug test. Might be naive to think SS would follow up fast enough but here's hoping.

TinyPigeon · 16/06/2020 23:30

Thankfully one person's report cannot force a drug test for the woman. So there is no 'evidence'. Froth much?

StormzyInaDCup · 16/06/2020 23:44

@tinypigeon why thankfully?

ohoneohtwo · 16/06/2020 23:45

It actually scares me how many people think taking cocaine while drinking when there's a child in the house is okay. The fuck?!

I never at any point said it was ok.

There would be evidence given a drug test.

Eh? Social services doing drug tests? Based on a report someone took cocaine?

Might be naive to think SS would follow up fast enough but here's hoping.

You are naive to think social services would do anything even if they had concrete proof the parents took cocaine. Social services are not there to police drugs. They know people take drugs. There are children all over the U.K. living with heroin addict parents, WTF do you think they are actually going to do because of a random report someone took a line or 2 of coke?