Long relationships a thing of the past???

[Marianne22]

Long as in meet as teens / early 20s until 70s / 80s?

Do people still want the engagement wedding house kids.

My grandparents were married over 60 years.

My parents split when I was 16 probably together 20 years)

Time will tell me and DH have been together 13.

I think with Instagram and Snapchat plus dating apps their are so many opportunities to meet people.

Ummm coming up on my 40th anniversary.
Expect to go the distance. Chose well/lucky but also realize everyone ages. Never once tempted to stray.

I'm incredibly glad I'm not married to the boyfriend I was with at 18! Or even the one I was with aged 25.

Long marriages are not always happy marriages.

Been married for 35 years now and looking forward to more years together. Our parents both had long and happy marriages and my sister is coming up to 32 years with her husband. Sure we have had ups and downs over the years but it’s worked very well for us.

The research shows that people who get married later are more likely to stay married. So, long partnerships, but starting later in life?

Not everyone is lucky enough to meet a good partner in their teens or early 20s. I can tell you for sure that my life would have been much happier if I’d met DH at 18.

As for staying together long term - that depends on the people involved. I definitely think that people feel more able to leave bad marriages nowadays. My gran tried to leave my grandad when she was about 40 but she was still stuck with him for another 30 years.

If I stayed with the man I was with when I was 16/17 I dread to think what my life would be like. That age is for learning.

But hey, if you meet the right man then great stuff. I just used that period of my life for gaining experience in life and love.

Met my husband at 20, stayed friends for 3 years and then got together.

His first wife was the person he was with at 18, he said they grew and changed into entirely people different who wanted different things

I’m telling my daughter that relationships are fine if that’s what’s she wants, but also singledom is a valid and no less worthy option.

I’m also telling her that “until I’ve had enough” is a far better mindset when going into a relationship than “forever”, I don’t think expecting relationships/marriage to be a “for life” thing is realistic or healthy.

Met dh at 18, got together with him at 19, married at 20. Together 35 years this month, and married for 34 years in September. He is five years older than me. Very happy; he makes me laugh every day.

I do wonder if it makes a difference having very few divorces in your family / friends growing up. Nobody in my family (parents / grandparents / aunts and uncles / cousins / siblings) has ever got divorced, so I think I just grew up expecting marriages to last.

I was in a long term relationship from 16 to 29. Had the engagement, marriage, house and pets and were trying for children.
But we had changed so much in that time that if I look back I don’t think we should have even got married.
I just didn’t want us to ‘fail’.

He also became increasingly financially abusive and I ended up leaving

Now in a happy relationship that I hope lasts the rest of time.
Together 5 years, married nearly 2, 2 children and a house.
Our future is all plans of fun

I think it is rarer to meet someone in your teens and stay together forever, but I dont think this is a particularly new phenomenum. I am mid 30s been with DH 7 years and married 4. I dont see us splitting up, but does anyone? My younger brother on the other hand been with his wife for 16 years and married 6. I also dont see them splitting up. They are the exception in our large family though.

I wanted the engagement, wedding, house and kids dogs , and thankfully it worked out for me. DH and I are totally in it for the long haul. Both sets of parents are happily married and have been for years, that's what we both want.

We met in our early 20s. Fell in and out of love for 13 years before getting married. Now married for 21 years . We have both changed, but changed together and I dread to think of what life would be like without him in it.

However, we were mid forties when we met and both of us had lots of relationships, short and long, behind us.

Also in the past divorce was very much frowned upon. Was much more difficult to get and women who were separated couldn’t get rented accommodation as easily since you needed a man to be your guarantor - tricky if your family were difficult

These factors made it much more likely that a couple would stay together for the long term

While I think that many people stayed in bad marriages because it was the done thing, I also think that relationships have become too disposable now, and that rather than working on a relationship people bail out at the first sign of trouble. That’s not to say that everyone should stay in an unhappy marriage, obviously where e.g. abuse/infidelity is part of the picture then no-one should be expected to stay and work it out. But so often people seem to walk out on their husbands/wives causing the children to be part of a broken home on the basis that they “wanted more out of life,” or “that he didn’t ever help around the house.” And there IMO needs to be middle ground.

Both mine and my eXH’s grandparents were married for around 60 years and both thoroughly miserable. However both our parents were married for over 50 years (mine 50 years this year) and both still happy.

Statistically children who come from a family where there is divorced are more likely to divorce.

But statistically adults who are married for more than ten years are less likely to split.

Some lived at home, got married, then lived together

Now people can live together without marriage or civil partnership

I don't think it matters how people live, as long as they are happy

I think we also need to move away from terms like “failure” and “broken homes” when talking about marriage/relationships ending.

My GP were married for 67 years! They were happy but not like Darby and Joan types! Nan was feisty and was "in charge." Grandad did mostly what he was told! However they would have arguments ,and sulk as well sometimes .I think a lot of people today have unrealistic expectations of meeting their "one and only" .Everything being all sweetness and light and being upset when it isnt ,(Not talking about Violence or Sexual deviation,Coercion etc).My Dear SIL and BIL had a lovely 50th wedding party last year in a swish London hotel .Hope we will be able to do the same!

Hope I’m on track. Met my OH at uni and been together ever since. Creeping on our 30s now, engaged and baby on the way. We were going to elope to Gretna but lockdown happened. Lived together our entire relationship and haven’t spent more than a couple days apart in the last 8 years. I’m disgustingly happy 😊

Awkes Thats Great! Maybe you can elope next year? If not sounds like you are on track for a long relationship anyway!

I wonder how much your parents relationship style affect whether you go for an early marriage/long haul deal? Lots of people here are referring to how they and their parents have long marriages..

I met my husband at 30, and married at 34. I had 2 serious relationships before that, which both could have been the one, but I was wise to the knowledge we might not be forever (despite those break ups hurting like hell!). My DH had been married and divorced in his 20s, and it was well behind him when we met.

My parents are both divorcees, both had early marriages that didn't work out and they got together in their 30s and have been together 40 years now. My DHs parent married young and are still together, now. I wonder if he was emulating them and I had a different frame of reference so didn't rush into marriage because of my parents experience....

I think the increase in the divorce rate is a really positive thing generally.

Divorce is part of the institution of marriage functioning WELL - because it has a valid exit for those who no longer wish to be married.

I always advise girlfriends who are having cold feet about getting married that divorce is always an option which has no shame attached.

People can be married to the person they want for as long as they want - the in-it-for-lifers and the in-it-for-now people.

Feckless idiots who are bad at relationships and get married 3-4 times wouldn't magically be good at relationships if marriage weren't available.

Divorce is part of the institution of marriage functioning WELL - because it has a valid exit for those who no longer wish to be married

It would be if they brought in quicker no fault divorces.

There will be a lot fewer. This is not because of instagram or tinder. It's because women are less likely to stay in abusive or just shitty relationships. My grandma stayed with an abusive man because she had no choice. My great aunt stayed with a nice enough alcoholic who drove her mad. My dad does NOTHING around the house other than Sunday morning breakfast and my mum does everything + working 60 hours a week running her business. My cousin just divorced her husband because once they got married he turned into a mysoginistic twat who did nothing around the house. I divorced mine for the same reason. I wasn't tempted by tinder (the thought terrified me) but I knew I can't live like this. I'm a hard working woman living in a democracy and I deserve better than scrubbing the kitchen floor for a man that thinks that should be my purpose in life.