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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU over bfs gaming

64 replies

Smeghead97 · 15/06/2020 14:06

I am currently pregnant with no other kids and live with my boyfriend. He plays video games in the living room, usually loud shooter type games which I have no issue with as I know it's something he enjoys sometimes he stays up till 4am playing and i never complain even though i rarely ever get use the xbox or tv.
Everyday he goes on mic/voice chat/party with a friend of his who has 2 kids, one around 2 years old the other maybe 6-12 months.

Now here's my issue. Today I had to leave the house to run errands and had no time for breakfast or even a drink and had to walk a few miles. I had very little sleep last night as I was constantly up peeing (sorry if tmi) so when I got home I was exhausted and pretty much went straight to bed. Within minutes I could hear a baby crying and said friend and daughter being very loud through the mic. It was as if there were 3 extra people in the flat. If I could have closed the bedroom door or moved further away from the living room I would have but I can't as the bedroom door leads directly into the living room.

I came out and mouthed to my boyfriend that I was getting annoyed with having to constantly listen to someone else's baby crying even though we were no where near them. He ended his game with friend and I explained that while we have no children in our house and I'm really tired I just don't want to have to hear someone else's kids being loud in my own home. Fair enough if we were in there home or we had invited them to ours but this was not the case. I understand that kids will be kids and they don't come with a volume control but this happens almost everyday and on top of it sometimes we have to listen to friends girlfriend shouting/arguing too.

I didn't mention my issue to the friends and only spoke to my bf asking if he could ask his friend to turn down his mic sensitivity so that we could only hear him and not everyone in his house. I also suggested that bf use headphones rather than having the mic noises come through the tv but bf thinks I'm being vile and thinks it's horrific that I find it annoying. Bfs friends gf knows that our bfs are playing video games on mic but will happily sit with her crying baby right next to him meaning we have to hear everything.

I could understand if they worked and had come home exhausted just wanting to play video games but neither of us work and bfs friend and gf are stay at home parents. Aibu to think I deserve peace and quiet in my home before my own baby comes? Sorry it's a long read 😊

OP posts:
ThickFast · 15/06/2020 15:45

Yep he’s inconsiderate. He doesn’t seem to care much about what you need.

BreatheAndFocus · 15/06/2020 15:49

Why won’t he use headphones? TBF, he sounds like an immature, self-centred baby himself.

Is he actually doing anything to help you or is he sitting there on his throne gaming away while you do all the chores and run round after him? Why isn’t he letting you use the TV? Whose flat is it?

I’d be thinking if I could survive without him, and making plans just in case he’s like this when your baby arrives. He sounds not just a waste of space, but unkind (you’re “vile”) and thoughtless with it.

Original poster
Smeghead97 · 15/06/2020 16:20

Thanks for all the responses. I see now the fault lies with bf not bfs friend and family. Perhaps I am being a bit of a doormat. Bf has since apologized and said he will try to use headphones from now on. For anyone asking I generally only use the tv when he is out of the house and that's usually an hour or so at a time.

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 15/06/2020 16:22

What's the plan for when baby arrives OP? Do you think he's going to step up and be an equally responsible parent?

I wouldn't be giving my baby a partners surname in this situation and I would be planning to ensure I didn't become financially reliant on him and feel trapped.

DramaDromedary · 15/06/2020 16:27

I understand that kids will be kids and they don't come with a volume control
These ones, as far as you’re concerned, literally do. But for whatever reason, your boyfriend won’t use it.

Original poster
Smeghead97 · 15/06/2020 16:28

Also for those asking we are not rich. I have been out of work long term for health reasons. My partner unfortunately screwed about in his younger years and hasn't worked in 7 years and now struggles to get a job due to a now spent criminal record and lack of work in the past. I fully Intend to get back into education and hopefully work and go back on meds a few months after baby is born .

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 15/06/2020 16:30

Sorry to be harsh, but why did you choose this man to be the father of your baby? Start saving to bring it up on your own.

ForeverRedSkinhead · 15/06/2020 16:33

You're not selling your partner to us op...

Original poster
Smeghead97 · 15/06/2020 16:33

Pregnancy was not planned. I think I may have made him sound way worse than he is in real life. He does contribute and goes far to help the people he cares about and can be incredibly supportive. Just the little things that bug me

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 15/06/2020 16:34

Bfs friends gf knows that our bfs are playing video games on mic but will happily sit with her crying baby right next to him meaning we have to hear everything.

She’s not the one to blame here, which seems to be what you’re implying with this comment. She’s allowed to use her house as she sees fit.

You have a DP problem and he needs headphones.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/06/2020 16:37

Just the little things that bug me

I don't think that any of the negatives you have told us are little things

ForeverRedSkinhead · 15/06/2020 16:37

Please protect yourself and your baby op. I hope I'm wrong , but he doesn't sound remotely ready to support a family. Hold him to high standards , expect respect and for him to do 50% when raising your child.

He can start by not keeping you awake while you're tired and pregnant.

Nobodysdiary · 15/06/2020 16:38

How does he contribute? He hasn’t worked for seven years so presumably he doesn’t contribute financially. He obviously doesn’t do errands as you had to do them and I assume he doesn’t do housework either as he games until 4am.

Branleuse · 15/06/2020 16:39

Youre going to get so fed up with this when baby is here

Nobodysdiary · 15/06/2020 16:39

The friend’s girlfriend probably wants help with her crying children, that’s why she’s sitting next to him.

Ginfordinner · 15/06/2020 16:43

He sounds like a waste of space IMO.

madcatladyforever · 15/06/2020 16:44

I won't even consider going out with men who are gamers because that's all they will do for hours and hours at a time.
It's the first thing I aske a potential partner.
My son has wasted his entire adult life gaming at every opportunity, he wants to work part time so he can game more, he doesn't do anything, cannot even visit him for an afternoon without him being on the damned thing.
How is he going to cope with a baby and his addiction, you are going to be a single parent.
If he won't get headphones throw the damned thing out of the window and leave him.
Is he ok with his baby being woken up all the time with this row.
Ff's I despair I really do.

Euclid · 15/06/2020 16:44

OP I think that you and the friend's girlfriend should both leave these ghastly men.

Stripeytopgirl · 15/06/2020 16:45

Well his friend sounds like a total shit, useless father & your OH sounds on track to be exactly the same. Head phones are the least of your worries. Good luck!

ScarfLadysBag · 15/06/2020 16:46

Oh dear. He sounds like a catch.

Purpleartichoke · 15/06/2020 16:46

In addition to using headphones, he shouldn’t be making enough noise to deserve your rest. If you can hear him shouting into his microphone when you are trying to sleep, that is not ok.

And please, please make a back up plan to be independent of this man. I have nothing against gaming, I like to engage in it myself, but it should never come at the expense of responsibilities. Add in that he hasn’t worked in years and he seems to be doing nothing to help you while you are carrying his child, and the red flags are whipping in the wind.

STAYTHEFUCKHOME · 15/06/2020 16:47

He sounds quite the catch.

Hoppinggreen · 15/06/2020 16:49

Bloody Hell OP, he’s a total waste of space

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 15/06/2020 16:50

Well... this situation was ideal to bring a baby into. I foresee no problems here..

UnfinishedSymphon · 15/06/2020 16:53

Cocklodger alert

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