Anyone else just broken :(

[Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow]

I’m in scotland. We are looking at part time school for maybe another year. Kids not jack until August.

I am just broken. I only work part time, three kids, two at school. Rightly or wrongly, I can’t cope any more. I have cried all morning and just given up. I appreciate this makes me weak - people have amazing suggestions for working at nights and triple tasking. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t concentrate, I’m exhausted and I can’t stop crying, I’m not depressed - I’m utterly mentally worn out.

I just can’t see any way ahead. I’m unable to do my job and manage any kind of meaningful work. I find looking after the house a full time job. DH job is being prioritised as we can’t cope without his salary. He is doing his best but has constant client calls and is working long hours.

I just want to get signed off and run away.

Has anyone else been signed off? I know my career is fucked now anyway and I will be first out with redundancies so what is the point of me even battling through.

Today's briefing was about education and NS said that they are aiming to get up to full time normal schooling as soon as is possible into the academic year; it may not be anything like as bad as you think.

At the risk of sounding dramatic...

...call the HV first as it’s likely your children are unhappy too. Unhappy kids and unhappy mum mean you need to prioritise them first as they will be the focus of the support services, unfortunately not you. Believe me.

Call the HV. Tell her what you’ve told us in your OP. Don’t be proud not to admit you’re in crisis.

We live in a nice affluent area and have a life we know is nice and privelidged. Don’t be fooled to thinking “you don’t qualify”.

This situation is insanity. We were lucky to get places before NS announced everything was on standstill until August. As a result of that hub provision has grown, more nursery staff are being unfurloughed (from the chains).

Our hub takes in youngsters up to and including 8 years old. So two of yours could qualify.

Ring your HV. Spill your guts. Cry. Everything is fucking mad, don’t be afraid to cry and get upset.

Please dont compare yourself to others......its ok not be ok.
Im glad you have been able to reach out here and as others have suggested a call to the health visitor or even the school to go through youre concerns?
Do you have any annual leave you could take??
I take the day hour by hour.....

I feel so guilty for basically trying to ignore my kids. For education being the last, last priority.

you are not ignoring your kids. They need to learn to play independently and pretty much everything is learning at that age! They could be watching cartoons in Spanish for a good hour every day, that's learning.

BTW I completely believe you’ve tried as much as you can, all the good ideas in the world exhaust eventually. As a PP said, for now take it hour by hour. X

I just wanted to reach out another hand. I'm struggling too. Also in Scotland and have 5 DC aged 6-18. DH has had to take a pay cut (after us taking on a massive mortgage at the end of last year) and his job is now unstable, so I'm worrying about money. Considering how long we've been inside, the kids have coped better than I would have expected, but I can see that they're reaching their limits now and my little DD6 actually seems depressed ☹️. The schoolwork has been almost impossible for us and I'm so worried about them falling behind. It's a constant source of guilt. I feel like I just shush them constantly whilst DH and I try to work from home. Housework seems futile and there's nothing but stress to look forward too.

You are not failing.

You are surviving a pandemic.

You are alive and your kids are too.

Be kind to yourself.

it's rubbish isn't it. Not scotland here but no sign of school for ds8. His big sister has had to go live with her dad as her behaviour just got to the point where I couldn't cope. I really worry about him being isolated. He's desperate to go back to school. I'm depressed and anxious. We all miss Dd but it's not an option for her to come home at the moment.
I think I'll lose my job as I've no childcare.
Dh said the other night bet you feel guilty on your work colleagues as furlough is like drawing a pension without having earned it!
Ds asked to play out this morning and I've said yes. I'm keeping an eye and they're having a socially distanced kick about. Will do him a world of good. I am eating chocolate and pottering weeding the drive. We will get through this, not sure how, but we will.

I have also hit a wall, and cycle between rage and tears/appathy. Also in Scotland. I've got 3 kids a full time job and DH works out of the home. The last 13 weeks have been awful, and there is no end in sight. John Swinney's comments over the weekend about part time schooling likely to last for the whole of the next academic year is just the final straw.

I'm short changing the kids, I'm short changing work. When I'm working I'm worried about the kids, when I'm trying to help the kids I'm worried about work. I feel I'm 'on' all the time as I'm working in snatched 10-30 minute sections from when I get up to when I go to bed 7 days a week to just get the bare minumum done.

I don't know the answer, but I completely sympathise with you. For what its worth I think that actually that Nicola Sturgeon will suddenly change course in Aug/Sept and open up schools more and then bask in the praise of how hard they've worked and aren't they a wonderful government to enable schools to open more. PS. please vote for us in 2021.

This is an unusual suggestion that definitely won't work for everyone, but if you have a spare room and can afford to feed an extra person, consider having an au pair or workaway volunteer. It has kept me sane to have an extra adult to help with the kids and housekeeping in exchange for food and board and a cultural experience. There are lots already in the UK looking for placements. Pm me if you want to hear about my experience with either scheme.

I like Fleur's suggestions a lot. The first thing I thought of was that you should take a week off from everything but essential work you have to do. Use the rest of the time to relax, get the house in shape, just give yourself a break. Rope the kids into helping with the house, e.g. have them sort through all their toys and clothes to declutter etc.

It is so important to accept that you CANNOT do it all, almost no one can. The only people I know who can are people with loads of money and space and one SAHP.

This is a marathon, not a sprint -- try to limit yourself to things you absolutely have to do and don't feel bad about the rest.

Also it's fine to have a day where you just cry. I did a couple weeks ago and felt a lot better since.

Just to clarify, I think Scotland is basically three weeks behind England with relaxing become we were a bit behind with getting cases in the first place. It’s not that here is ‘so strict’. And our cases and deaths are now looking much lower, so maybe it’s a better approach anyway.
So we absolutely can get takeaway food etc.

Sorry for that tangent. It’s not meant to dismiss the OP’s situation at all.

*because we were

I totally understand OP. I felt the same yesterday and just couldn't make myself feel better.dont feel bad for feeling bad. Its utterly awful at the moment and I want my life back!!

Your message really resonated with me. I have in the past sometimes felt I can't cope, constant crying and despair, and put off asking for help because I didn't think I deserved it. Please don't feel guilty at all about asking to be signed off for a break - it sounds as though you really need it. It's not weakness or giving up, it's self-care and you have a perfect right to seek it for yourself.
I hope things get a bit better for you soon.

Anyone ever get hold of their GP’s surgery in Scotland? If yes I would love to know how!! They do not answer no matter what time you call!

I hit the wall on Saturday and had a big cry. I don't think DH realised what a stress wfh / home-schooling / coping with a bereavement & general restricted living was creating for me (he's still going out to work & it wasn't his direct family member).

The Govt blithely announcing that in England the year groups they hadn't cherry picked would not be returning to school was the final straw. Especially when school sent out emails announcing it was lovely to hear the laughter in the classrooms of the children back in school and other parents announcing on social media how much their kids were loving being back. I am glad for them but sorry for my child who's stuck at home with me.

DH's agreed to take some days off this week to do some home-schooling so I at least get some time away from being responsible for that to work and clear my head.
I know people have it far worse but it doesn't stop it being shit. Don't feel bad OP only saints are still smiling

@Mumratheevergiving
I think you make a really good point

I know people have it far worse but it doesn't stop it being shit.

Can you book some holiday and ask DH to do the same so you can actually have a break?

OP it has been hell for me.

My life leading up to Lockdown:

I'd just become a single parent and had already been through a horrible, abusive break-up after my ex had turned into a complete sociopath. I had to move 100 miles south to get away from ex, move near my parents and set up a new life for us...new school, new doctors, dentist, council, landlord, single bank account, set up on Universal Credit to support us and felt the lowest of the low... I was already completely EXHAUSTED - you've no idea how much that took it out of me, it was absolutely insane how difficult it all was. Youngest was only 2, so I had him with me all the time, he also had his first operation around that time too which was terrifying and his aftercare was extremely difficult and painful for him. He also managed to split his head open on the edge of a table requiring A&E. Eldest (possibly somewhere on the spectrum I've been told to "wait and see", helpful...not) struggled with a new school, projectile vomited out of panic numerous times, meaning that I had to constantly collect him every few days - sometimes I'd be on my way home from dropping him off and had to turn around and get him again, whilst youngest recovering from his operation.... all making job hunting impossible, me judged by all the other parents for being single-mum-benefit-scum, and getting more and more exhausted and depressed. Eldest just about settled into school with a lovely new friendship group, I met a lovely new friend out of that too... his vomiting and panic attacks stopped, had a lovely report... then lockdown. It was absolute hell. Eldest lost it. He'd been through so much already. I considered hanging myself numerous times because I just felt like I couldn't take anything else. Every time I went on FB and MN no one else seemed to be struggling?!!! It was all stories of decorating and positive homeschooling mostly. My boys cried and screamed and hit each other and slammed doors and blamed me for the lockdown. I turned to wine and binge drank. it was just absolute hell from light to dark day after day. Then I spoke to the school mentor and she immediately got both boys school places. I should have spoken to her WEEKS previously but I always stopped myself out of guilt and shame. Please, please reach out to the school and see if there is anything they can do, or anything they recommend. Both my boys have full time places now for their sake and mine.

@Straycatstrut What a terrible time you are going through. Great you have school places for the boys and have escaped your horrible ex. Two big positive things you've done for your kids this year in spite of awful circumstances. I'm sure things will get better for you.

I don’t have any helpful advice to add to what PPs have suggested but I’d like to beg of you to stop being so hard on yourself!
Human beings just aren’t meant to exist like this, and you are a human being and not a machine!
The fact that an end point of sorts has now been kicked into the long grass will have hit a lot of people hard, there’s no two ways about it. It’s a complete shitshow and none of it is your doing so stop giving yourself extra kickings!

Start the school holiday early - we only have a 1.5 week to go so ditch the school work!

Im hoping that ScotGov are being overly cautious and they will actually be going back full time come August - they can't justify part time if we have the next 7 weeks with low figures surely!

Take care of yourself

It is horrendous for all parents op, you are not alone. Not by a long shot.

Call your GP today, as in right now and tell her what you have told us, and ask to be signed off with stress for two weeks. You need some breathing space, and having experienced burn out this is a proper medical condition and should be taken seriously.

DH needs to book a day off, and take the kids out to anywhere so you can have a long break. Lock yourself in your bedroom and sleep, rest, watch TV and you do NOTHING. He sorts out dinner, children and everything else for at least a day if not longer - ideally a whole weekend plus a working day if this is feasible?

If you don't do this now, the next thing will be physical illness as your body sounds overwhelmed, and will force you to rest. Your MH will be shot to pieces

Just look very carefully at what you can strip back: no more home schooling for one, we only have a few weeks to go so really you done the vast majority already. Easy meals that take under ten minutes is a must, takeaways need to be used, same with the lunches. Movie time every day between 2-4pm and you must rest op, not clean the house.

The children should read to you every day, get a times table CD and get them to sing to it every day and get them writing to family and friends, that is literally all you have to do for the summer.

It is fucking relentless.

You do also know the two weeks left of a normal summer term in school children would NOT be working, ours watch films and cartoons at school, sports days and fetes. The last week or two is always running down the clock, so adopt the same in your house.

Stop trying so hard, the best thing you can do for your kids is to look after yourself.