To wonder if anyone knows any gay men who fell for a woman?

[Magicra84]

I love my best friend who is gay. He's amazing and we click so well. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way but because I cant be 100% certain, I can't do anything about it.

Does anyone know of any gay men who've ended up with women?

[WaitingForSeptember]

just the drink talking

In my experience people are usually more honest when they're drunk. Next time he says it, just ask him to explain what he means.

Be warned though - if he is secretly bisexual then you could be getting into something really messy here. If being gay is a big part of his identity then coming out as bi could potentially be quite traumatic for him, and he could lose a lot of friends in the gay community where biphobia is very prevalent. So you could be asking him to risk a lot to be with you.

[Bluntness100]

I’m sure he does really love you. And some folks drunk love all their mates. But I’m sorry op being gay means you’re not physically attracted to the opposite sex.

[KenDodd]

I do.
My gbf from my youth. He was about 26, never dated a woman or even looked at a woman in that way, out on the gay scene clubbing loads, in and out of relationships with men. One day he met a woman turned straight and got married. We lost touch but I believe they're still together 20 years later.
Don't let this story give you hope though op, find someone else.

[JustC]

I guess it's possible that he does love you as a person, as in 'if you had the right appendage' he would make a move. But how would it ever work if he is not physically attracted to you? I do think you guys should have an open talk. I was thinking about this when Phillip Schofield came out. Im sure his wife must have really know a long time before he came out officially. His family had to have some period of processing things before it all became public. And was thinking the fact she was so supportive of him, means he must have been a good husband, they must have loved eachother to some degree, in some way. Bah....getting philosophical. You guys should talk about this.

[Trevsadick]

One day he met a woman turned straight and got married. We lost touch but I believe they're still together 20 years later.

No he didn't turn straight. He is bisexual.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

One of my work colleagues was gay, said he always had been, had very long term relationship. His partner died suddenly and quite young, of a heart attack. He was devastated. Two years later he started going out with a woman, and they’ve been happily married for several years now.

[Bluntness100]

I think some folks are confused between gay and BI sexual...

Gay men are not and never will be physically attracted to women.

Bisexual men are.

Op the answer is no. Gay men will not become physical with a woman unless it is some form of experiment.

Bisexual men will however.

[KenDodd]

No he didn't turn straight. He is bisexual.

Well he didn't describe himself as bisexual or gay anymore, he described himself as straight. I had a few really long talks with him about it. I always thought sexuality was a fixed thing, in that you were either gay, straight or bi on a spectrum somewhere. This was your position and it didn't move. He thought, based on his own experience, that it wasn't fixed, your sexuality could change. I'm not sure I agree but as far as he was concerned he had been gay, he was no longer attracted to men, he was now straight.

[KenDodd]

Oh and it wasn't that there was any stigma or other social pressure on my friend to be straight. He was out to everyone, including all his family, he had taken boyfriends home in the past to stay with his parents. Half our friends were gay, half straight, he was out at work.

[LellyMcKelly]

Yes, my husband. Unfortunately he didn’t tell me he fancied men and he ran off with another man.

[Ohtherewearethen]

Would you be expecting your straight female best friend to have a longing for you and a want to shag you after drunkenly telling you she loved you? I'm not sure why you would think your gay best friend would? If he's identified himself as gay you have to respect that. It's not always an easy thing to come to terms with, even now, so no doubt he's done some thinking about it rather than just waking up one Wednesday last month and deciding he's gay. He knows what he wants and likes better than you do. How would you feel if your female best friend kept hoping that one day you might change your mind and become gay to have a relationship with her? It's a weird friendship dynamic and I can't see it ending well long-term.

[chocolateequinox]

He may be attracted to you as a person but I can't imagine it would make a successful long term relationship.

Trust what this PP says, they are right.

[WhatTheWhoNow]

No he didn't turn straight. He is bisexual.

Not necessarily, I was married to a man for 11 years with children. I now identify as lesbian. I guess it could happen the other way around

[Bluntness100]

Not necessarily, I was married to a man for 11 years with children. I now identify as lesbian

And you never felt any physical attraction to women before ?

[Regretsy]

You should watch the object of my affection.

[WhatTheWhoNow]

And you never felt any physical attraction to women before ?

Not until about 2 years before I left, although I guess following the heteronormative path is the the likely reason for that so I actually take back my first comment, different scenario altogether

[louise5754]

I don't think all of a sudden one day you prefer women to men or vise versa. Growing up you probably fancied both but didn't know you were bisexual until you met "the one"

[WhatTheWhoNow]

louise5754

Was that at me? I’m not bisexual

[louise5754]

No not to you no.

But genuine question. If you had a relationship with a man and are now interested in women did you go from
being straight to a lesbian or were you always bisexual maybe without knowing.

[WhatTheWhoNow]

Straight to lesbian, I am in no way bisexual just took me a long time to realise I was actually gay

[WhatTheWhoNow]

That’s not strictly accurate I guess I was never straight I just didn’t realise at the time

[SarahAndQuack]

When he gets drunk he tells me he loves me. I tell him I love him back and then he says, "but no, I REALLY love you". Then I get slightly terrified it's just the drink talking and change the subject.

OP, sorry, he's thinking of you as a friend.

This is classic. I have close friends and (perhaps especially when we are none too sober) we would say these things. The fact he's texting you first says it all. He feel uninhibited and friendly towards the world. He loves you to bits. That's all it is.

If he were nursing an unexpressed sexual passion, I can't imagine he'd text back after revealing his feelings, and if he did, he'd be either covered with embarrassment in the morning, or pretending it never happened. He'd not do it multiple times, completely casually and habitually.

[Mummadeeze]

My partner was in a relationship with a man when we met. He said he fell in love with me and also said he wanted me to help him be a better person. It has been a rough ride to be honest. I am not convinced he has always been faithful. He is very secretive and doesn’t open up about anything. I don’t think he is very happy with me although we are still together and have a daughter. I have spent a lot of time feeling like I am not enough for him, be that in my head or not. Our sex life was good in the beginning but has fizzled out now completely. He is a great Dad though and adores our child. In retrospect I wish I had chosen a more simple relationship with someone without baggage/issues. Not all of the problems are to do with his sexuality but some of the problems definitely have stemmed from them.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

If he’s gay, he would never be interested in you. I think the line of thought that you can turn a gay man “straight” is just as offensive as a man saying he can make a lesbian turn straight with good dick or whatever