To want to just walk away

[BettyBoo246]

I have a ds who is 7, he's not slept for more than 4 hours straight since lockdown, literally tried everything. His reasons vary each night, too hot/cold, finger itches, covers come off, scared etc etc. GP has referred to community paed but been rejected and referred to school nurse who just sent me leaflets about nightmares/nigt terrors. I also have a dd whose 2, she is constantly being waken by ds all night too. I have had to stop working from home as deal with large sums of money and just cannot concentrate. DH is a farmer so works all hours.

This all has an impact on our mood in the day, both dcs are generally just a nightmare all day, groggy, crying, fighting, arguing, we are all just miserable.

Its now causing me and dh to argue too, I just feel like I've had enough, I have no idea how to make any of this better, I've done zero homeschooling for the last 8 weeks. My once happy smiley dd is now turning in to a terror and my ds just wont sleep and having tantrums all day. I just want a break.

My dh just keeps telling me there are people worse off, which i know but doesn't help, I feel like I've failed and guilty that i could even contemplate walking away.

@Dublincalling2 we've tried sending him to bed later around 8.30pm but it still took until nearly 10.30pm for him to eventually stop getting out, i then tried earlier as thought he must be so overtired so take him up at 7.30pm out his room by 8.00ish but then its still 9.30 by them he's finished his antics!

@emilybrontescorsett thank you he does know that keep getting out has consequences and we do follow through with them but its like he knows but its not enough to make him stay put!

Last night he was almost getting angry with himself that he physically couldn't stay in bed dh seem to think we'd put too much pressure on him, stay in bed or this that and the other will happen, I can see his point

@vanessalightfoot its because dh is a farmer and im in financial sector so we are keyworkers he could actually go as he has been offered a place at the start of lockdown but I didnt take it as i was then allowed to work from home. But yes you are correct he is in year 2 so he wouldnt be going in to the school section just the childcare section.

Does he wear the vtech smart watch in bed? That might not help him sleep especially if he's clock watching, and just because of the blue light screens emit. How was last night?

Sorry just seen the update. Really feel for you ! My son's 7 and in the key worker bubble at school and has actually preferred it from his usual y2 class.

Give him one of the antihistamines that make you drowsy. Phenergan (sp?!) is a good one. It's generally used for night time allergies. I've given it to dd 12 a few times for travel sickness and it always makes her very sleepy.

He sounds like he'd terrified.

I'm not usually one for co-sleeping or anything like that, but anxiety had my son having nightmares and night terrors for a while.

I made him a bed in the living room with me so he could fall asleep there. I'd take him up to bed with me, and I slept in his room for a week or so. Then I left his night light on but slept in my room - but if he had a nightmare I'd go in and sleep with him. IIRC it lasted about a month - but it meant we both got sleep, and at 7, when they are calmed down, they understand that they don't need to wake up the whole house. It's how to get to that calmer place though.

When you are being terrified by nightmares, it's horrible trying to get to sleep after, even as an adult. Have a few nights of nighmares, and even adults will be wary of sleeping. With his nightmares and clinginess, it sounds like his nights are a reflection of his very anxious, insecure-feeling days, and my belief is that children become more secure when we draw them to us, before letting them go again - and become less secure if we push them away by punishing them.

He's regressed a bit (and you've noticed that, he's become like a 'terrible two'), so it might be worth trying comforting him like a two year old too??? Also sending him back to school, to make life more 'normal' might help him.

I hope you find something that works

I really hope I'm not upsetting anyone with this response-if he's always been sensitive and he's so very clingy to the point the entire household is affected then you need to get him to a developmental pediatrician for a full evaluation and maybe directed to a child psychiatrist. I'm not advocating him being a drugged out zombie but believe me I've been there,done that and bought the t shirt. He needs more help to cope than you can offer and you as his parents are too tired to support him. There's a reason sleep deprivation is a torture technique. My son had a stroke then at puberty his sleep was severely affected and I wanted to kill my self and that was at the two week mark.

@BettyBoo246 sorry only just seen you asked me a question. They can get warm under the blanket but he doesn't have it on all night, just to help him drift off. Going back to the suggestion of worms - does he complain of tummy ache at all? My son used to complain and then one day after having a poo, complained his bottom was sore and that's when I discovered he had worms (not envy) I got some Ovex and treated us all, cleaned and damp dusted everywhere. Touch wood I haven't seen anything since but I have a nearly 4 year old about to start school so chances are high that they'll hit our house again

@Hangingwithmygnomies I treated us all with Ovex yesterday actually just in case, but yes he does get tummy aches and also a sore bum, i just thought it was from not wiping properly so it could be worms (actually fingers crossed it is in a weird sense of way)

Monday and tuesday afternoon he was complaining of sore eyes and sore throat so i thought he might have hayever so gave him benadryl before bed and he was out like a light for both nights. Last night i didnt give it him and he was up at 3.30am this morning Even though its meant to be the non drowsy second generation type antihistamine??

But i cant give him that every night can i

@EKGEMS no dont worry im not offended or upset, I would be lying if i said it hadn't crossed our minds that maybe there is a underlying behavioural issue or maybe something bigger than what we can help with or even diagnose just as parents. The school nurse said not to make any hasty judgements during this lockdown and to be careful not to diagnose with something more than what it actually is as she has had several referrals over the last few weeks of lockdown of children not coping (& parents) but this happens to ds whenever there is a big change in circumstances

[quote BettyBoo246]@Hangingwithmygnomies I treated us all with Ovex yesterday actually just in case, but yes he does get tummy aches and also a sore bum, i just thought it was from not wiping properly so it could be worms (actually fingers crossed it is in a weird sense of way)

Monday and tuesday afternoon he was complaining of sore eyes and sore throat so i thought he might have hayever so gave him benadryl before bed and he was out like a light for both nights. Last night i didnt give it him and he was up at 3.30am this morning Even though its meant to be the non drowsy second generation type antihistamine??

But i cant give him that every night can i

@EKGEMS no dont worry im not offended or upset, I would be lying if i said it hadn't crossed our minds that maybe there is a underlying behavioural issue or maybe something bigger than what we can help with or even diagnose just as parents. The school nurse said not to make any hasty judgements during this lockdown and to be careful not to diagnose with something more than what it actually is as she has had several referrals over the last few weeks of lockdown of children not coping (& parents) but this happens to ds whenever there is a big change in circumstances [/quote]
How was he before lockdown? If his behaviour was similar and it's just been ramped up since, I would request a referal. We had to wait 2 years for our son to be seen by Community Peads for assessment (referal was done by school after we spoke to Family liaison officer at home over behavioural concerns at home - it was she who suspected ASD). If it's just been since, then I would see how he goes once things are back to relative normality

So at his last parents evening the teacher described him as often vacant, struggling to understand the work and had no real get up and go! She was giving him extra one on one but didnt feel it was working and said to give it a few more weeks and if after that there was no improvment then she would speak to senco, but then the lockdown came

Before lockdown at home his behaviour wasn't too concerning, always been a bit of a worrier but manageable and sleep was fine but he was having the odd tantrum especially when he didnt get his own way. He's never really been the same 'content' little boy since dd was born nearly 2 years ago.

Speaking of audio books, there are adverts all over my social media at the moment for this Moshi Sleep app. My daughter is too young for it so I haven't looked into it but I think the gist is that they are stories that keep children just entertained enough to pay attention but somehow help them fall asleep too. Might be worth a try for you OP.

Melatonin, speak to GP.

Dd was a terrible sleeper from birth. At 7 we Worked with her to establish rules that meant we all got some rest. What worked for us
. If it is after 11pm, dd can move to a small bed we keep for her on our bedroom floor. Ideally she should do this without waking anyone else.

. She is never required to sleep. Even when she was 3 we had this rule. Between certain hours she is required to be in her bed. If she stays in her own room she can read, color, or even play with some toys we keep in her room for this purpose. If she comes in our room, her only option is reading on a kindle paperwhite so she doesn’t disturb us.
. She is allowed to get up and play quietly, watch tv, or have tablet time if it is 7am.

This did not mean we got to sleep every night. Some nights she was so freaked out, the only way to calm her was to hold her in my arms. But most nights, she was able to get a mixture of quiet time and sleep and we were able to get sleep.

She is 11 now and rarely has bad nights any more. We have had a couple of Middle of the night pandemic meltdowns, but DH and I have both had those moments Ourselves, so we can hardly fault her for those.

I was an insomniac child. My parents recall leaving me in a playpen watching late night 70s tv while they took turns dozing on the couch. So dealing with my dd is just karma.

Try this
Go on YouTube
Type sleeping dragon guided meditation and he listens to it doesnt watch it.

Oh and dd’s psychiatrist recommended melatonin. Just as needed. She asks for it if she thinks it’s a night where she needs it. It started being frequent, but quickly tapered off.

Thanks everyone will definitely try these.

@mumofone2019 I had completely forgot about BetterYou magnesium cream, we used it with him when he first started with sleep issues when dd was born and also used the moshi music.

@Firstawake a friends ds has adhd and has melatonin and has said we can use it if we need to just to break the cycle, im just not sure about it, i know it gets them to sleep but doesnt keep them sleep. And she mentioned can cause nightmares

Yesterday he told me he doesnt like sleeping because he hates dreams, good or bad . So I did say its more about staying in his bed than sleeping but he said thats boring and will take ages until the morning. I honestly think he is just lying there forcing himself to stay awake so he doesnt dream.

@BettyBoo246

Thanks everyone will definitely try these.

@mumofone2019 I had completely forgot about BetterYou magnesium cream, we used it with him when he first started with sleep issues when dd was born and also used the moshi music.

@Firstawake a friends ds has adhd and has melatonin and has said we can use it if we need to just to break the cycle, im just not sure about it, i know it gets them to sleep but doesnt keep them sleep. And she mentioned can cause nightmares

Yesterday he told me he doesnt like sleeping because he hates dreams, good or bad . So I did say its more about staying in his bed than sleeping but he said thats boring and will take ages until the morning. I honestly think he is just lying there forcing himself to stay awake so he doesnt dream.

So it seems anxiety of nightmares might be an issue? Maybe try a Worry Monster? Get your son to write down his worries and you feed it it into the monsters mouth and it "eats" it (you take the worry out when he's asleep). Also a dream catcher might help but you have to make sure you explain how they work

@Hangingwithmygnomies he really is afraid of having nightmares but also says he can't stop thinking about scary things when in bed.

We have the worry monster and the dreamcatcher, they worked for a while but as soon as he dreamt about the thing he didnt like again after using the monster and obviously the dreamcatcher not working it sort of lost its purpose and his belief in it. I constantly tell him everyday that dreams arent all bad and that his fears are not stupid or silly but they are not going to happen but its just not enough, i feel lost as to what to tell him to try and reassure him.

Btw @Hangingwithmygnomies i do appreciate all the advice

Honestly, I really do know how you feel. When you feel like you take one step forward and then two steps back when it stops working. My son has taken to wanting to sleep on our bedroom floor at the moment as he seems to have developed a fear of being on his own at night (he's not as he shares with his younger brother). I think it's the silence of the night he doesn't like. Do you have an Alexa or similar? We've taken to putting it in his room and asking it to play relaxing music, for say 30 minutes, for him to fall asleep to. He does have melatonin aswell but it doesn't take long for it to become ineffective so we have to then give him a break from it and then start again. What is it that he is having nightmares about?