To find toddler REALLY hard work sometimes

[SquidwardTortellini95]

Hi all. I'm a mum to a gorgeous 17 month old DD. She is gorgeous, cheeky, wonderful, and a delight most of the time. Most...

But recently, I think partly due to lockdown and partly due to her just getting closer to the dreaded terrible twos, I've started to find her quite hard work and have found myself getting quite irritated with her at times

She is just starting to throw tantrums and perfect her outraged shriek , and although most of the time she is lovely, when she is throwing a tantrum or has been whinging all day, or is refusing to go to sleep, I can feel myself getting quite cross, to the point where I've had to put her down in her cot and walk away from her to take a few deep breaths.

I know walking away is the right thing to do, but I still feel so guilty for getting so angry. When I feel that anger building I sometimes feel like I could quite easily hit her... I never have and I wouldn't allow myself to get to that point (as soon as that thought comes into my head I put her down and walk away), but again I feel so guilty for that thought even entering my head. But sometimes I'm just like GGGRRR!

It has definitely gotten worse since lockdown. I have a DP who is very helpful when he is home, but he is an essential worker so still working, so it's just me and DD at home 95% of the time.

Has anyone else felt this way? I'm a FTM and it seems like mums are painted as always being smiley and happy and having endless patience.. and I often don't feel that way Of course love DD with everything in me and would die for her, but I would be lying if I said I always enjoyed her But then I feel like a terrible mum for thinking that!

I think some of it depends on your personality and poker face skills too. DS is 18 months and can be a terror, he can tell when DH is getting irritated - he doesn't stomp or shout or anything just by body language the occasional sigh/huff and tends to say no and try to remove the forbidden item rather than distract, making it a battle of wills, then DS gets that glint in his eye and I watch him try and push DH's buttons. I try and pick my battles more, so if he wants me to read the tiger who came to tea, five times in a row, fine, DH tries to persuade him to have a different story, cue tantrum!

Definitely feel your pain though OP , my wine consumption has definitely increased in the last couple of months, it's inversely proportional to whether DS sleeps well (has dropped to one nap since lock down through his own choice).
Definitely check teeth, DS has 4 coming through at the moment!

@mrsBtheparker DS is 18 months and can climb the play pen, he liked it when he was tiny and could crawl but not much else, but he's been walking from ten months. I wouldn't want to be hemmed in like that either. FWIW I deal with the outcomes of previous generation's parenting, not without issues trust me. Oh and DSs pleasant nature and behaviours in social situations is often commented on, he's not feral, just energetic and in lockdown workout access to a lot of the day to day activities your children would have had.

Op. This is normal. I count the minutes until my dcs go to bed sometimes and I really really don't like them sometimes. Some days even haha. Some weeks 😂. But I always love them. That never changes x

You are definitely not alone OP. My DD is 2yr 9 months and I had her baby brother in Feb just before we locked down. It was AWFUL at the beginning.. a perfect storm of new baby, lockdown and her not seeing anyone. Her behaviour was so so bad. Hitting, biting, protest wees all round the house I was very close to breaking point several times and like you said, it took all my strength not to lash out. I never would hit her but my tiredness and over-emotion of the situation made it really hard to control myself. I feel awful now about having those feelings at that time but I can't be too hard on myself. The newborn phase is tough at the best of times... I think that was about as bad as it could possibly get!
Thankfully me and DD are getting on so much better now. I've realised what she needed and how to discipline her effectively rather than just seeing red. Its not perfect but so much better than it was.

I always think that it's weird when people insist that their generation parented perfectly but that the next generation is doing it all wrong. If that parenting was so good why are the children raised with it either unwilling or incapable of doing it themselves?

I think it's a case of rose tinted glasses. It's so easy to forget the trials and tribulations and think your DC were obedient little angels. My DM says things like this, and I just think, 'If I was that well behaved, why was I smacked so often?'

But I myself can also forget how tough it was sometimes with my DDs when they were toddlers. They're 11 and 8 now, and although they backchat a lot at times, they can also be very loving and a lot of fun.

YANBU, the tantrums can be exhausting and infuriating, when I think back, and you do right to walk away when your stress levels are too high, and the advice to count to 10 is very apt when it comes to dealing with recalcitrant little people.

I have almost 4 year old twins and a 7 year old, the twins leave my nerves jangling some days, literally! I feel my brain vibrating and I can't concentrate on anything! Thankfully the 7yo is great, quiet, has her moments but is generally independent and gets on with things. As well as my 15yo stepson who by some voodoo is just the best teen ever 😅
So I try to stay calm with that mantra this too will pass. But I totally understand the guilt of feeling like I am wishing their babyhood away hourlysometimes. Enjoy the bits you enjoy, accept the annoying bits and try to avoid taking it out on them, they don't really mean it.

@SquidwardTortellini the pp who started the other thread is getting her arse royally handed to her, so if anything you should feel vindicated

I always think that it's weird when people insist that their generation parented perfectly but that the next generation is doing it all wrong. If that parenting was so good why are the children raised with it either unwilling or incapable of doing it themselves?

You're clearly lacking basic comprehension skills, at no point did I say I or others were perfect, I was merely offering an alternative view. Maybe the reason that many of the generation we raised are incapable of 'doing it themselves' is that they are so obsessed with reading books on the subject and/or spending an inordinate amount of time in social media taking about it rather than actuall doing it!

@Pinkblueberry my nearly one year old is going through the phase of laughing when I say no. She’s also going through a phase now of looking at me and smiling/giggling when she goes to do something she knows I would say no to! I thought it was just me not saying no in the right tone and have been trying different tones only one of which mildly works if shes in the right mood and if it does indeed work she’ll put her face to the carpet and let out a cry for about 5 seconds before she gets distracted by something else.

OP you’re doing a fab job and taking a breather is completely normal and recommended by the experts!

Sending you hugs. I think the poll results show you are absolutely not alone. I have very much been there and felt that guilt too. It’s hard. It can be overwhelming, tiring and being on lockdown with your DP working makes it all the more intense. It makes it near impossible to get some me time to unwind.

She’s also going through a phase now of looking at me and smiling/giggling when she goes to do something she knows I would say no to!

Yep, we had this too! Hang in there and be consistent, we just rode that wave and the phase did pass. The face in the carpet sounds very familiar too There’s no more laughing now when I say no, DS will generally just stop what he’s doing or if it’s a very dramatic situation, like if I say no to a second biscuit , we have a fairly short lived face in the carpet tantrum - I’ll take that over him laughing at me any day! Long may it last...

Maybe the reason that many of the generation we raised are incapable of 'doing it themselves' is that they are so obsessed with reading books on the subject and/or spending an inordinate amount of time in social media taking about it rather than actuall doing it!

Gosh, if only you'd raised them better so they didn't do that?

You're clearly lacking basic comprehension skills, at no point did I say I or others were perfect, I was merely offering an alternative view. Maybe the reason that many of the generation we raised are incapable of 'doing it themselves' is that they are so obsessed with reading books on the subject and/or spending an inordinate amount of time in social media taking about it rather than actuall doing it!

I can never be thankful enough that I was raised with a very large extended family who talked from generation to generation about their experience of child-rearing. The knowledge that my mother, three uncles and sundry other relatives will be cheerfully instructing my children in both her child-rearing trials and mine is an excellent antidote against smug. I'll never get away with it- they have the receipts!

For the record, I had a playpen and was often left to amuse myself. Only took me 5 seconds to dump my big brother's picture book in the bath (suspect my mother may have turned away to pick up a towel or something when I snuck in) and less than a second to hit my little brother over the head with the Santa doll in full view of both parents.

No, of course I wasn't allowed. Yes, they were watching me. But they did not have a crystal ball and by the time they realised what my plans were with that doll it was too late. The doll broke. Little brother is still intact. I assume I was punished. Didn't cure me of misbehaving forever after.

@LisaSimpsonsbff