Not to send y10 DD to school

[TheoriginalLEM]

If she goes back she will need to go by bus.

She says she doesn't feel safe.

She is working really hard on home schooling

She is very anxious child anyway and is anxious about school although felt better after video explained social distancing.

I'm not comfortable with her getting bus - this will be public bus not school bus at peak time in morning.

Two days a week in school- half days following homeschooling timetable rather than actual lessons, so nine kids in a room potentially working on different subjects, not actual lessons.

I am wary of feeding into her anxiety and her missing teaching?

Genuinely don't know what to do - she breaks down every time school is mentioned. She is normally an enthusiastic student but is very much a loner so happy at home.

Up until covid, loved schools and her teachers.

If it wasn't for the bus I'd make her go

I wouldn't push it now; however, I would definitely prepare her to go come September.

Since you say she is in general as anxious child, perhaps a counselor to work through her anxieties this summer?

She is working really hard on home schooling
She will be fine at home for now.

My school is going very formal with year ten from next week. 25% per day and set lessons in the morning then zoom lessons all afternoon. And also online learning. So missing physically going into school once wouldnt make much difference.

Find out what the school provision is and do what is best fir your daughter.

@chickedeee

Lead by example, go to school with her and show her what to do to be as safe as possible.

You are reinforcing her anxiety by not exploring the possibility of going.

Will the risk be smaller in September or her anxiety higher?

I understand her worry but it is a minimal risk

This

I can't understand people saying you're feeding into her anxiety! You sound like a supportive parent in tune with your daughter's feelings. She's completely entitled to feel anxious about the situation.

Go with your gut OP.
Only you know your DD.

She honestly won't be missing much, if she's doing well at home. From what you've said, I'd keep her off.

You're not feeding her anxiety - you're aware of it, and being considerate - a world of difference.

No she shouldn’t be feeling anxious about the situation. No child should feel anxious about going to school, the media has totally fuelled the anxiety and it needs to stop! The only risk about her going to school is the risk of a rta on the way! That risk is higher than any Covid risk and I don’t suppose you considered that as a risk pre Covid. Let her go.

I'm a secondary teacher who works with students who are too ill to go in to mainstream schools. I see many students with anxiety issues. 90% of my students are not in school due to mental health not physical. It's also my job to reintegrate them back into school where possible.

What strikes me about your post is you talking about her anxiety generally. It sounds to me like there are underlying issues and that makes me concerned about her "just" reintegrating in school whenever that happens.

If you're honest with yourself you will know better than us how much of her anxiety is about the bus and how much about going into school.

If you are starting to be concerned that it's not just about the bus then it will be beneficial to talk to her school sooner rather than later. She may need more support to return than other students and 90% of that is planning with the school and your daughter how that transition can be managed in a way that works for her.

User - I think you're right, i will talk to her teachers on Monday.

Her journey is two buses, and what would entail crossing a ridiculously busy road. They are not running the school buses.

She interacts with her friends online, they mostly go to a different school and are in year 9. She has a couple of good friends from school and she talks to them on the phone.

She doesn't leave the house, where did I say she was meeting up with friends

I have decided not to send her. There is a day next week whete she can see her teachers for a 1:1 I may send her for that but she won't be getting the public bus.

Fuck you coronavirus, fuck you to hell

My year 10 ds is going in next week but it's 4 hrs once a week so if your worried it's not worth going in for
He can walk but if he had to get on a bus I would prob feel different and wouldn't bother for a few hrs

So don't. It's a weird world right now. Tell school that she needs to shield.

How often is she expected to go into school? My dd's school are having limited numbers as well although I'm not sure how often that means for her. TBH, her MH is most important right now and if you're confident she'll do the work better at home rather than in a highly stressful environment I'd keep her at home

If she would normally get school transport, school can arrange a taxi.

Avoiding the anxiety trigger is a slippery slope. Immediate relief then the trigger is something else to avoid and your world gets smaller and smaller. Her anxiety is out of proportion to the risk.

Is there absolutely no alternative to the bus? Bike ride? Taxi? Drop off by car? I agree that the bus is not great but getting back into school and starting to adjust to being out and about in a COVID world is really important, particularly for an anxious child. In September COVID will still be around and, although I think it's unlikely that schools will be fully reopen to all pupils full time, I expect all children will be in at least part time and not in such a small and protective way that they are now. Going now will build her confidence and familiarity, otherwise going back next year could be so much harder and cause much more anxiety. Unless you plan for her not to be in school until there is a vaccine it's best just to get on with it, in my opinion.

What is your objection? You've said you will send her for the 1-1 but she won't get the bus. So send her for the lessons without getting the bus.

Op you have repeatedly used the word anxious and wary in your post, are you sure you are not transferring your own anxiety onto her?

I have a year 10 and if she was as anxious as your dd I would absolutely be sending her in. Another two or three more months of being in a lockdown will surely make her even worse. It could be very good for her to go in, see that it is all fine and see her friends and teachers again.

I would be very worried that by the time you get to September there will be not an option to send her in at all, she may be too mentally unwell by then.

Have you spoken to the GP about this? It sounds like she needs proper support. I can't see that you have mentioned this in your pp, but apologies if I have missed it.

Are you or is she organising to see her friends? This is vital to her mental health.

Are you speaking to the school? They maybe able to help.

I would be moving heaven and earth to get her back on track, and back in school. Her GCSEs would be the least of my worries to be honest. Make it happen that you can safely get her there op. Use taxis? Friends? Go with her on the bus for the first few weeks?
This is a vital year for her, life defining in more ways than one. Put your own fears to one side, and really get behind her, she needs you to be strong now. The risks are almost zero to her personally, but her risk to mental health seems very high to me. Definitely send her back into school.

The fact you've said she doesn't leave the house would worry me. Do you mean she doesn't go out at all? Is that because she's anxious?

As someone who used to suffer from extreme agoraphobia, if she's not going out at all because she's anxious, I would say you need to do something about that ASAP. I don't mean forcing her to take the bus right away, but getting her out for walks at first, then a trip to the shop at a quiet time and building it up.

My DS school are not running the school buses so only the yr 10’s that have a parent to drop off/ pick up can attend.
I do worry about how many times you mentioned anxiety, and can see that she may refuse to go back in September or whenever they fully open.
It might be worth contacting school about the situation, and the School Nurse for some support. The School Nurses and Health Visitors are still working.

Read the latest from the Lancet, this tells us all we need to know:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-53022369

She doesn't leave the house
OP, if you mean that literally, you need to get in contact with school and GP. if she hasn’t left the house in weeks for no good reason (e.g. shielding), that is deeply worrying. she needs to go out, for walks, runs etc

Have you had a look at the buses? Our local ones are still running but are in effect enormous taxis - I have never seen more than 2 people on each one.

It sure there's any point in going.

2 half days
Public transport
Only covering home learning anyway
No face to face with the subject teachers
No directed teaching beyond HL
Child is already engaged with HL at home

Not sure I can see any benefit of going back for that!

I would however encourage her to go out for a walk daily, and if at all possible, to meet with a friend in person for a socially distanced chat and/or walk.

That would benefit her wellbeing way more than using the buses and sitting in a classroom doing the same work she'd be doing at home.

YABU, and you are reinforcing her anxiety by not making her go, which will create further mental health issues in the future.

Is there really no way you can get her to school other than by bus?

If DD (Y9) gets the OK to return, I will make her go but I will be dropping her there as I don't want her on a bus yet.