What just happened?

[SunsetOnTheHorizon]

Hi all... I'll get to the point.

Since lockdown rules eased and we were allowed to travel and enjoy outdoors with 6 people, I arranged a lovely day out with family, SD was obviously going to be observed once we reached our destination.

The plan was leave at a specific time, and arrive at the destination and explore together etc. It was a hiking activity. Lots of landscape to cover etc.

I started off the car not starting which meant I left a hour later than planned (bearing in mind as I had arranged this and been here before, I was meant to be 'leading' the way) Due to the late start, everyone set off without me and we decided to meet up at the location.

Eventually everyone arrived and it being a busy period it took an hour just to get into the car park. Once there, we discovered there was no mobile phone signal resulting in me and another friend being away from the group the whole time- separately.

I decided to plough on and make the best out of the day. Eventually we made contact but by then it was time to set bk off, home.

A whole week later, we got together in a garden of the homes of one friend. The conversation about the trip began and how I messed the whole arrangement up, how I 'deserted' some people. And how they felt it was something I caused etc. It all began as a joke but ended up in a horrible argument as I thought the others ganged up and were pointing out what went wrong and nothing was mentioned on how they enjoyed certain parts. And every piece of my advice was analysed and literally thrown bk in my face. For example, why did I suggest they ate after the walk and not take the food with them. It was a shambles. Sadly, I lost it slightly, got angry and stormed off.

Now, I'm being blamed for having anger issues, depression (news to me), playing the victim and running off. From my point of View I felt I was mobbed!!! Nothing short of a mobbing! After arranging the event (which was suggesting a day, time and place) I was put in the firing line for all the things that went wrong. Bearing in mind a few of them met up and did have a laugh.

Thank you for reading this long, but what are your opinions on this? Did I 'stitch' them up? Was I wrong to let them carry on and not wait till I sorted the car? And does storming off, slamming a door, using swear words when faced with intimidation equate to anger issues and victim playing. Bearing in mind I've never gotten this upset and reacted this way in years and years.

Let's hear it...

There has obviously been a lot of chit-chat behind your back over the last week.

This would bother me more than anything. One of them has started the conversation about you and others have chipped in and it's grown legs. I would be really pissed off by that.

Going against the grain....

This sounds like to them it was far more organised that you want to believe.

None of them knew the place, or the way there, it was remote and quiet, no mobile signal (which you would have known about), you went so far as to organise lunch arrangements (“leave the sandwiches in the car and we’ll find somewhere lower down to eat after the walk”), and then on the day there’s no back up plan when the ONLY person who knows the place and the arrangements can’t get there when they’re supposed to be leading the way AND some of the people going were reluctant about going in the first place?

Yes, they’re adults and capable of taking responsibility for themselves.

But you kind of set this up as a day that you were ‘in charge of’ and then when it started going a bit belly up you left them to it, even though none of them knew where they were going and there’s no phone signal there for you all to be able to meet up when you did eventually get there!

You said yourself that you made a mistake because you had to talk some people into going.

You might be comfortable rambling around the great outdoors with no phone signal not knowing where you are, not everyone is.

The row in the garden - no idea about that, but I can see why some people might have felt a bit like you’d set yourself up as the guide of door excursion and then left them in the lurch when you got a bit stuck, instead of trying to make arrangements to make sure the group could stick together.

Thanks for all the responses.

Just to address a few points, tbf there wasn't any social distancing at said place. Everyone flocked there thinking everyone else was at the beach! More fool them.

Thank you Lynda as it really has got me down, thinking what kind of friends do i have?!!

It was pathetic to queue for an hour but the queue to get back out was worse. But nothing could be done, having a face on wouldn't have helped in any case.

Infantile, pertulant aresoles is the best word I would use for them.

And back chat had definitely been rife as stuff I mentioned to one person was echoed by another, they really had their daggers out.

Most definitely won't be arranging anything in the future and will seek new circles to mix in.

Astonishing how true colours of certain people who you deem close come to light, in times like these.

It was a shame as we were all looking forward to the outing but what followed was a realisation for me.

*guide of an outdoor excursion

So I would take a deep breath, and compile a text or email to them

I would tell them what you have told us, that you never normally organise but took yourself out of your comfort zone to do this, unfortunately your car would not start making you late, and you did not realise your phone would not work as there was no signal, all things out of your control

To then sit in a garden and have however many people ganging up on you for 15 minutes, making nasty and unnecessary comments and generally being horrible is just not on and they very much upset you

You can go onto say you have no anger issues, you are not depressed, however you are extremely upset at how they behaved towards you and they need to reflect on this and apologise

Then I simply wouldn’t have anything to do with them until they do ( and mean it)

This is a matter of perseption. Not reality. ie If I arrange to meet my sister at 2 pm in Oxford and I set off to get there for 2pm with my kids. She texts me to say can't won't start =that's fine but I've already left. What am I supposed to do ? I carry on. When I get there -she is late (from late car start and doesn't contact me due to no mobile phone signal) and 7pm she texts me to say 'Sorry we did get there and couldn't find you' -yes I'm entitled to be a bit pissed but at the situation. I might have had a 2 hours drive each side so my 12-9pm was to a place to meet her -wasted trip and I could have taken my kids the local NT place. sounds like lock down has got to them. I would send them all an email

Dear all
Sorry for the disaster of the outing on x date at y park. I appreciate the day for everyone didn't go as planned but my car didn't start -massive queue non of us were expecting to get in, no mobile signal there, etc -all in all a bit crap. Sorry. However, I did feel under attack the other day from all sides, I only suggested leaving sandwiches in the car because from previous experience carrying about enough for all of us was crap I was trying to help. If anyone thought I was micromanaging the situation -that wasn't my intention. I'm going to step back from this right now as I'm sorry but I think emotions are running too high. Love you all and miss you all. Love me x

and then on the day there’s no back up plan when the ONLY person who knows the place and the arrangements can’t get there when they’re supposed to be leading the way AND some of the people going were reluctant about going in the first place?

Oh how silly. Surely people can manage in a place they've never been before!

AriadnesFilament I can see all those points, and it makes sense. I had been there they had not. But it was a vast area and once you reach that place, any normal sane person would asses the situation (no signal and have met up with friends) and take it from there.

Make the most out of the day, stop keeping a tally of all the things that went wrong. Continue as you would because days out like these are pretty rare for some ppl and the views were breath taking. Why hold grudges and why keep count of all the things I said that eventually didn't happen (leaving at a certain time)

I see their points but bot to the extent that they should have cornered me and literally picked apart every aspect of the day, excluding the part when they had fun together.

Like a pp said, do these ppl actually like me? No, is the short answer. And that trip was an excuse to tear right into me

Update: I got a call from one 'friend' to see how I was. We agreed it was a silly conversation that went out of control and left it as that. I admitted I shouldn't have sworn and lost my cool and ended the call.

I'm contemplating writing a msg, but they aren't worth that just yet. Need more time to think it all through.

Were you all drinking heavily in the friends' garden? Because it all sounds a lot of drama over bugger all.

Sunset are you busy sally the quiet introvert and the one who follows others or keeps their opinions to themselves?

I find louder extroverted opinionated people get away with behaviour like this all the time, it's seen as who they are.

If someone who's quiet suddenly behaves the same way they have an issue.

I personally would immediately ask someone who is normally chilled and laid back if they were ok when their reaction was out of character.

You did nothing wrong.

I don't really understand the timeline here.
Did "the group" get to the carpark an hour before you and set off hiking without you?
You said there was another friend who ended up on her own, separate from you? How did she end up not being with the rest of the group?
You ended up two hours late at the car park because of setting off an hour late and the car park queue taking an hour?

The whole thing sounds really chaotic.
I think you shouldn't have told them to keep the food in the car for after the walk but they are adults and could have decided for themselves that it is sensible to take food with them on a hike. Actually, you shouldn't really be hiking anywhere like that without food of some description, in case anything happens and you get stuck somewhere.
Did you make all the food and that's why you didn't want to carry it?

In any case, I think they were awful to you at the meet up in the garden and I wouldn't be having anything to do with them again. They said awful things to you that just weren't necessary. Lockdown is affecting people badly unfortunately but their behaviour was really unpleasant. They are not friends and have shown their true colours.
True friends would have laughed off this big disaster even if they were annoyed about it at the time.

So your friends arrived and didn't wait for you and couldn't tell you they'd gone ahead without you as there was no phone signal?

How on earth would they have managed in the days before mobiles! I would have waited. If there were a cafe nearby I would have waited in there with a coffee. If there weren't, then I'd have just sat in my car or played hopscotch in the carpark (actually, I would have been reading) until you arrived.

The problem began with your car, but was compounded by your friends' actions thereafter.

Almalm

Timeline goes like this. Set off was planned for 11am, I eventually left at 12.30 apprx as did another friend as he had other errands to do that day. Me and friend with errands left at a similar time. The rest of the group had arrived at the park, got together and continued their day albeit in a strop.

Me and friend with errand were trying to catch each other up on the motorway but were unable to, resulting in us arriving at separate times (later than the others) I rang around but no signal and continued the trip.

No, we weren't drunk tbh as most of us are teetotal. Hard to believe haha

Itsgettingweird

Oddly, I'm quite outspoken. But hardly stand up for myself and accept the fact that the piss is being taken etc.

But this was more personal as I really wanted everyone to enjoy this amazing place!

There you go then.

Usually they can get away with taken the piss.

This time they didn't.

Their unwillingness to see how their behaviour impacted you should tell you everything you need to know about these "friends".

I don’t think I’d be able to apologize to these people. They said you had anger issues and depression in response to one incident of you losing my cool! That was after being ganged up on for something that was hardly within your control.

I’m glad at least one person called. We’re they all 5-6 really attacking you or just a couple of them?

Hanna

There was me and three others on the opposing side. The one who called and apologised was the voice of the group with others chiming in.

The rest were sitting on the fence, as in saying "you had a good day, stop taking the mick, yes, things didn't happen perfectly"

I’m really glad it wasn’t everyone.

I’m not sure I’d ever be able to mend things with the one that mentioned mental health issues. That’s just wretched to bring that up in front of others. Obviously not done out of concern.

How is that sitting on the fence? It sounds as though they were defending you and trying to get VOTG to stop.

You all sound as bad as each other.

Swearing, slamming doors?

Not adhering to guidelines because others weren't?

Fgs, how old are you?

The rest of the group had arrived at the park, got together and continued their day albeit in a strop.

Ridiculous behaviour. You and other friend were very late - that couldn't be helped. They could have just got on with their day and had a good time without resorting to infantile behaviour.
How old are these people?

Anyway, that's it. No more organizing for you.

It doesn’t sound like everyone ganged up on you.

It sounds like you had an argument with a few, and another few were sticking up for you.

I’d be interested in their side because your posts are quite hyperbolic and dramatic so I’m wondering if you’re a bit extra, tbh.

You could be right, the ending of that argument was nothing but dramatic. Obviously there are always two sides. But I've given the main points and from the responses it seems like the individuals had the sense and brains to make up their own minds.

Note to self: Never ever arrange 'fun' days out

Does the one mouthing off ever arrange things?