DD (8 years) has suddenly started talking about how she wouldn't be bothered if me or her brothers die?

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

AIBU to think this is not normal?

DD came back from her Dad's on Tuesday and has been very out of sorts since, mood wise. Since then she has spoken on 3 seperate occasions about how she would feel if her older brothers died, she says she would be glad. I was really taken aback and every time said that is a really unkind thing to say and how would she feel if it really happened and she said she doesn't care! I calmly told her that hearing this is upsetting for me and she has hurt my feelings and that isn't okay.

Tonight she has refused to eat her evening meal, so I left it an hour and then sat her down just now and said she needs to eat (sausage, broccoli and potato nothing terrible and something she usually enjoys) she pushed the plate across the table and started screaming. I told her she would not have any device time tonight as a consequence of her behaviour and she said 'I hate you and I hope you die'. I again said that is really unkind, hearing that hurts and have put her to bed (she has only had fruit for breakfast and cheese on toast and cucumber, tomato and pepper today so I'm worried she is starving ) and she was screaming in her room 'I just want you to die I hate you so much'. She is now sobbing. Part of me wants to go talk to her but if I hear that she wants me to die again, I don't trust myself not to burst into tears or shout at her. She regularly says she hates me but this wanting us to die thing is new.

I have anxiety and I am going into catastrophic thinking mode that her distress is as as a result of something huge or her father had said something about dying to her. I can't imagine he would though, he was an abusive shit towards me but has never ever been anything but a bit too permissive and over protective of the DC. AIBU to think this is totally not okay or normal? Would you go and talk to her even if it means you might not be the calm parent you should be? Please don't pile on me, for various reasons I'm quite raw. I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with this.

[Beautiful3]

I'm sorry you were abused op. Wait for her to calm down and ask her why she was so angry.

[Healthyandhappy]

Plx do try it it's really good xx

[Fanthorpe]

For anyone who needs help NAPAC.org.uk

[NoseyfriendNC]

What race are you? Do you think she's seen the news or protests and is feeling worried? My own DD has been very anxious the past few days as she's never known about differences in race until now.

I feel really sorry for your DD. Try not to be too hard on her she definitely doesn't mean it. I wonder if she is worried about death either her own or her families so I think talking about death and trying not to make it too scary might be the best way to go. I remember my DD went through a faze of not sleeping around the same age as she was worried she would die.

[Bookoffacts]

She's possibly seen something about death - maybe in a cartoon or on daytime news?
Children might realise that death exists at this age and have a mini crisis about it.
Just lots of love and empathy. Bring it up gently in the day if you can. I think she's realising mummy will die one day (possibly soon in her mind) and is pushing you away to deal with the hurt.
Obviously this isnt rational but children don't think like adults.
Just lots of love and reassurance that mummy will always be there and youll be little old ladies together at 80 and 110. She won't like the idea of you dying when she's very old either so best to not go there. They have a very underdeveloped sense of time.

It's all part of the parenting journey. Quite usual, but covid times has probably made it worse.