Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

[countrygirl99]

I had a horse that, when I first got him, would have been s armed of sticks. He would tense if he saw someone carrying a whip, I can only guess why 😔. But I would have explained and I always have mints in my pocket and would have asked if your children would like to give him one.

[LastTrainEast]

No way to be sure now OP but you brought up that your son likes to ramble and wave a stick around. It can't be a total coincidence that they mentioned sticks.

I just reread that looking for the reason you mentioned skin color and I can't see one. Was that for extra points?

[Bigsighall]

If her horse was spooked it would take a nano second for it to get to you and kick out. Maybe she was being an arse, maybe she was looking out for you and a crap communicator, maybe she would tell a different story 🤷‍♀️

[XingMing]

I walk my dog, who likes to carry the biggest stick she can manage, in an area where people ride. One woman I know has a horse that sees dogs with sticks as mini dragons, and won't pass them quietly. So if we see a horse and rider, I invariably pull up, remove the stick and make the dog wait until everyone is separated by space. It is only thoughtful and considerate, surely?

[Sometimes123]

Sounds like you did your best to support the children to understand the importance of being careful around the horses. The children sound beautifully behaved OP. Shame about the horse riders! YANBU.

[ConstanceSalinger]

I've just re read some of these comments.

She was fucking rude
She was a stuck up bitch
Rude cow, entitled woman

Lots of female hate here eh? Goady af.

If she was so fucking awful, she'd have ridden her nervous horse past you and scared the shit out of your nosey family when they waved their rambling sticks.

[Marpan]

She sounded rude butHorsey folk can be quite abrupt in their speaking and defending of their animals. I mean they can let
Them poop all over and don’t clean it, ugh.

Personally I would have been a bit more extreme and said “if you don’t stop playing with sticks While we pass, the horse might trample you and me to death, maybe a good idea to play over there for a
Bit just to be safe” that’s really what she was trying to say

[Kinneddar]

@MingeofDeath

Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.

I wondered that too. Neither are at all relevant

[RootBeerFloat43]

All the people asking why race was mentioned, and gasp is the OP implying that the lady is a...racist!? Because of course that's a much worse crime than actually being a racist.

Look, it's possible that the lady would have been just as rude if the OP was white. But, I have also experienced that dismissive attitude, the coldness, the outright rudeness and wondered if it was because I'm not white. I can never forget the colour of my skin in interactions in the UK. Again, I don't think everyone who is not as nice to me as they could be is a racist, but yes, sometimes they are. A white person in a white majority country has the privilige (yes I used the P word) of not thinking about race. I don't, and clearly the OP doesn't either.

Please just take the time to consider what I've said, and not just become defensive.

[Cadent]

Lots of female hate here eh? Goady af.

Is it also male hate when half of threads are about dickhead men?

[chocolateorangeinhaler]

I have a horse and ride and I can tell you that there are some complete idiots with horses out there. Think 'all the gear, no idea'.
Sounds like the woman was terrified of riding and was having a meltdown at you being there 'Incase' something might happen.
Personally i believe that unless you can control your horse in a public place you need to go back a few steps and have some lessons to get your confidence back. She was probably more worried about loosing control and hurting your kids in the process which manifested itself as being snappy and arsey.

[AIMD]

@RootBeerFloat43 I’m glad you responded to those comments. You’d think with everything in the news people might have greater awareness of these issues.

[ITonyah]

If your kids were hanging around the horses and whacking stuff with sticks they probably would have been annoying tbh. That's not to say you didn't have every right to be there.

[Terralee]

When I was a child I liked to go rambling in the woods & waved sticks around - it's a completely normal children's thing to do!

The rider had no business asking what you were doing in the woods.

Unfortunately for whatever reason some people are just unpleasant. It's her problem not yours. Try not to let it upset you too much.

[ConstanceSalinger]

Well, usually being called a dickhead follows dickish behaviour.

I didn't read anything that made me think she was being a dickhead, she sounded massively anxious. If she'd been 16 not "old" we'd all be saying be kind, she could have poor mental health or autism or something.

[Mistystar99]

YABU. Wouldn't have hurt you to move! I always move for horses.
Maybe you embarrassed your son, not anyone else.

[Glowcat]

So the horse box arrived, you watched as the horses were unloaded, your son had a stick. ‘The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.’

So they moved the horses out of sight of your son and his stick.

‘After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk.‘

So you moved back into sight of the horses

‘We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins’

The riders think you’ve moved on

‘and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son.‘

Then you pop back up again!

The woman was rude and you had the right to be there. It does sound like all she wanted was some peace to sort out her horse and go for a ride without you hanging around her and potentially spooking her horse. She sounds exasperated.

[cdtaylornats]

Near where I live there have been two horse deaths, one from a well meaning (no doubt) person who fed grass to a horse from cut grass close at hand. The other was a Shetland pony that was stabbed.

People get nervous.

[LightDrizzle]

It sounds like she was unnecessarily rude about it, but I think she had to consider two unpredictable variables; a stick carrying 6 year old child she’s unfamiliar with, and a spooky horse. I think she was right to be cautious for the sake of her horse and for the safety of everyone else. You say you have experience with horses so you know how big and dangerous they can be. I’m unlucky enough to know 1st hand someone who died from a crush injury from their own horse who spooked at a helicopter, and another death without witnesses, where the rider was found in the hedgerow by the side of a rural road after a search prompted by her horse returning to our village without her. It is presumed he spooked and threw her off, she had head injuries.
You say you returned to the bridge “to wait for” your son, so presumably he was out of your reach at that point. The best behaved 6 year old in the world might unintentionally spook a horse while playing in woods with a stick.
She should learn better manners but I’d cut her some slack.

[ITonyah]

The horses aren't there to entertain your kids. Move on.

[RaceDayCrumbs]

The horses aren't there to entertain your kids. Move on.

On from a public place OP is equally entitled to be in? Many of lives pleasures can be observed. There’s nothing that should stop people admiring someone else’s horse from a safe distance. I say that as a horse owner.

[OliveKitteridgeAgain]

I don’t know about the psychology of this particular person, but if you ride horses you have to live with the fact that some of the general public automatically hate you. So if I’m riding along and I see someone on foot or in a car, I have to be hypervigilant to the possibility that they will be verbally abusive or try to frighten the horse/drive aggressively close. Obviously most people are perfectly fine, but there’s always that anxiety and I guess for some riders the fear comes out as rudeness and contributes to the stereotypes against us.

I don’t know about the psychology of this particular person, but if you are a non white person in the UK you have to live with the fact that some of the general public automatically hate you. So if I’m walking along being my non white self and I see someone on foot or in a car, I have to be hypervigilant to the possibility that they will be verbally abusive or try to frighten me. Obviously most people are perfectly fine, but there’s always that anxiety and I guess for some non white people the fear comes out as chippiness/paranoia and contributes to the stereotypes against us.

[Blondiney]

Old AND white? The nerve of her!

[moreofthegreenstuff]

what ARE you doing here obviously means that she was wondering why you were still hanging about and being a nuisance getting in the way of her horses, when she had thought you'd already left.

Horses are big and heavy, and it can be extremely dangerous if you end up in close proximity to one when it is moving fast. You'd be amazed at how quickly a horse can cover 20 metres when startled.

Some horsey people really don't like people hanging around their horses and getting in the way. They get very annoyed by it. Yes, it makes them unpleasant jumped-up arses, but no more than that.

Just out of interest, were you on a footpath through the wood, or a bridlepath, or no marked path at all?

She might have been the owner of the wood as well as the horses.