To not want a full year maternity leave?

[Napqueen1234]

I’m taking 9 months (7.5 months mat + accrued A/L) for DC2. All I’ve had when it comes up is ‘oh are you not having a full year what a shame’ from friends, other mums, even my work!

I enjoy my job and love the adult time. I went back similar time with DC1 and really enjoyed the balance. I’m going back 3 days a week. I feel awful as I feel like people are implying I’m not as invested in my children or as good a mother for not wanting a full year off. We could probably scrimp and save to afford it but I don’t want to do that. I want to work and have balance and more income and enjoy my kids more on the days with them.

Anyone else feel the same? Should I just say I can’t afford the full year so they get off my back? I think there’s an assumption now as women are entitled to a year off that they will take it but I just don’t want to .

I’m taking 9 months mat and 5 weeks AL, no way I could afford 3 months unpaid! Doesn’t mean we love baby any less!
I’ve even had people asking me if I was leaving work permanently.. erm no? I’m 28 how will I live 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

I took 9 months each time, perfect length for me; gave me and the baby enough time to bond Properly, no period of unpaid leave. Returning to work was good for my mental health

It’s no-ones business, do what is right for you.

I have just extended mine, I was taking 10 months plus 2.5 months annual leave. Now taking 12 months plus the 2.5 annual leave as I don’t feel ready to go back. I am surprised by this as thought I’d hate being off! It’s a very individual thing.

I’m not justifying it to anyone, neither should you! I don’t have any opinions on what another family chooses for them.

I think my brain would have turned to kish by a year. I love DS with all my heart but omg I found maternity leave mind numbing. Going back part time after 8.5 months was perfect for me (took a couple of weeks AL before my mat leave started, 9 months mat leave including a few weeks before he was born, and then returned on full time hours but used the remaining AL to cut my hours down to part time for a couple of months, and then dropped to PT hours properly). Three days per week works well for us financially and stops me going stir crazy (only have to cope with a toddler on my own for two days per week)!

Mush, not kish. I have no idea what kish is.

Very personal, personally I'm gutted that I have to go back in a few weeks but that's the way it is. I can't afford to be unpaid. Especially with DH furloughed. I thought I'd hate being off but I really don't want to leave DS. I know I'll get used to it though.

Currently as it stands I'll be taking 6 months. Unfortunately I can't afford to take longer than this.

A lot of people at work asked if I thought I would come back to work at all?

Unfortunately I had to go back after 6 weeks as I wasn’t getting enhanced maternity pay and I would love to have had 9 months - doesn’t mean I love my baby any less.

I’ve just finished for my mat leave on Friday so have 2 weeks AL at the start ( providing she doesn’t make an appearance before hand lol ) , taking 9 months and 4 weeks AL at the other side. It’s not up to anyone else what you take just smile and nod and let it go out one ear and out the other. This is my first and tbh I’m now past all the judgmental comments and eye brow raising do what’s best for you and your family it’s no one else’s business. Hope everything is going well with the pregnancy and congratulations

YANBU! I returned to work when my eldest was 6 months old and will be going back when my oldest is 6.5 months. I work 3 days a week. I love my children more than anything, but I have a highly skilled professional job which I love too. I think I was a better mum last time after I'd returned to work, because I appreciated my two days at home with the kids even more.

I am also a high earner and we can't afford for me to be on SMP or unpaid for long. My income is important for our family.

Do what suits you. I took four months first time and two months second time and people thought we must be broke.
Admittedly I didn’t get paid leave but even if I had I was desperate for some balance and time to get back to that other side of my life.

There’s no right or wrong answer. Just try to ignore them.

I took a year (13 months with leave) and found that most of the friends I made while off went back at 9 months.

I'm taking 6 months then my husband is taking another 3.

I know what you mean about people being surprised. I've had conversations with my manager and HR letting me know I can take more!

YANBU. I took 6 months and then DH did another 6 months. Any more and my brain would have completely turned to mush! I'm sure people have judged the hell out of me but frankly it's none of their business, and if they think I love DC any less for it, they are wrong. You can love DC more than anything else in the world, and also enjoy your job etc.

No one gives the fathers shit for only taking 2 weeks paternity leave at the start, do then? No one implies they don't love their child if they don't take more time. Shared parental leave means that all fathers can take parental leave now but so few of them do - why aren't they getting shamed?

YANBU. I took a full year first time and plan to do it again but once my pay stopped I did have a weird feeling like I wasn't contributing to the household as we have the offer of free childcare from family. I really enjoyed the time to me my job is just a job not really a career, if I loved my job I probably would have went back sooner. Also I'm sure there's things you want for your child's future which involve you having to make money rather than just scrimp by so you're doing right by them.

@ProfInkly thanks interesting I wonder if I just hear the ones taking a full year! Or others only taking 9 months just don’t pass comment. @Irishprincess that’s the kind of normal response I would have expected from people taking a year! And yes I completely appreciate if your job isn’t as important to you then of course your priorities will be different and rightly so. Nice to hear from others who were happy to go back to work

I don't actually know of many people who take the year anymore.

I am currently on maternity leave, when I go back I will have been gone 11 months - 9 months maternity the rest is holiday. However I was off sick for the majority of my pregnancy, so I won't have actually worked in 19 months!!

I'd love to take a year but it's just not feasible when you have no income coming in to do that.
I'll be taking 9 months and then adding my annual leave for this year to the end so it will work our well for me but it's my last baby so I'd love to make the most of it one last time x

If I did it again I would go back earlier.

In fact I would rather not have ML when they're born but from say 1.5 to 2.5, so they are very small people with personalities rather than very boring babies that don't sleep, but appreciate I'm fairly on my own on that one!

OP I would love to go back at 9 months - sadly since part time isn't an option I'm still at home! Love the baby just as much, of course.

I went back after 5 months and 6 months (2 kids). best thing ever.
Maternity leave is great if you love NCT etc, but otherwise it isn’t great.

If you have good childcare in place, it is something that is extra holiday for the mum, but doesn’t benefit the child.

I went back to work when DS1 was 10 months. I found maternity leave unbelievably hard and would have gone back sooner if it had been feasible (moving house would have meant settling DS at nursery then moving him soon after to a new one).

Currently off with DS2 and not planning on going back until he is 13 months. Mat leave has been a much more positive experience this time round, and although I had a wobble at around 6 months and thought about going back earlier, I’m now glad I didn’t (and not just because of CV19!)

I went back to work FT when ds was 4.5 months old, and lots of people really hoiked their judgy pants. But they do that about lots of things, and it was right for me, ds, dh, and my job

I'm going back when baby is 4 months old as we won't be able to afford any more time off however I work on average 25 hours a week and can take baby with me so it's a slightly different set of circumstances
Still - I've had people in shock that I'm "only" taking 4 months

I think this thread is proving that we all need to do what works best for us and our families and sod everyone else's opinions as they are not the ones living our lives!