To not want a full year maternity leave?

[Napqueen1234]

I’m taking 9 months (7.5 months mat + accrued A/L) for DC2. All I’ve had when it comes up is ‘oh are you not having a full year what a shame’ from friends, other mums, even my work!

I enjoy my job and love the adult time. I went back similar time with DC1 and really enjoyed the balance. I’m going back 3 days a week. I feel awful as I feel like people are implying I’m not as invested in my children or as good a mother for not wanting a full year off. We could probably scrimp and save to afford it but I don’t want to do that. I want to work and have balance and more income and enjoy my kids more on the days with them.

Anyone else feel the same? Should I just say I can’t afford the full year so they get off my back? I think there’s an assumption now as women are entitled to a year off that they will take it but I just don’t want to .

Are we in a bidding war?

"I only had 6 weeks off", "I only took 3 days off and was back full time working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week!"

Do what's best for your family, you don't have to explain yourself.

🤣🤣

@20wedding19

I think this thread is proving that we all need to do what works best for us and our families and sod everyone else's opinions as they are not the ones living our lives!

This!

I took 13 months with DS and, while I enjoyed it at the time, now pregnant with DD and will only be taking 6-9 months this time round. I need my 2.5 days of sanity!

It very much depends on circumstances. I’d be gutted if I had to return to work so soon. I’ve planned to take off the full year and then after I don’t have any plans to return until baby is a bit older. With my first I had to go back after 8 months and I was heartbroken.

Completely understand. I went back to work when DD was 8 months. I even used some accrued holiday for me time while DD was in nursery

Love my job and at 8 months DD was beginning to have a challenging phase so it was better for us both not to be joined at the hip.

Lockdown has been interesting

I gave my leave to my partner.
I had to have the first 2 weeks off by law (if memory serves me correct.)
Then he had the remaining weeks.
Im self employed and would have lost all my customers so this worked well for us.

A lot of people I know have taken 6-10 months. You have to bear in mind that even being able to take 12+ months is an absolute privilege- most countries don’t offer anywhere near that much and mothers there don’t love their kids any less. I personally plan to take the full entitlement but who knows, I may get stir crazy and go back early! If anyone starts with the “oh, what a shame” thing, do yourself and all other mothers a favour and say “it’s not a shame, I want to go back and we’re lucky in this country that we even have a choice around this length of maternity leave”. I hate how judgmental people think they can be about motherhood and its choices.

@AriettyHomily you have voiced something I've been too scared to say! When people ask me if I'm excited for maternity leave I say I'm to meet my baby but I'm not actually excited for the leave itself. However in my particular case I have previously suffered from anxiety so I do worry about the isolation.

I took 4-6 months with mine. Do what’s right for you. Personally I think it’s harder for them to settle being left when older

Obviously you do what suits you.

The only thing I would say is around 9m is in some ways hard on you both as imho:

• from about 6m on maternity leave actually gets nice. You really start seeing babies personality, they show you real affection, but are also usually in a fairly good pattern of naps etc that make life quite enjoyable for mum. The first 6m by contrast are a real write off of exhaustion, getting zero back from the baby etc.

Babies can be quite clingy/prone to separation anxiety around 9m which can make it a hard age to settle them elsewhere.

But things are relatively minor, its your choice to make.