dp says he’s leaving in 3 months no financial help during pandemic

[flopseyR72]

I feel like I can’t make a decision.
dp says he is going to move out of our rented flat in three months it’s 2k a month so I can’t really afford it own
I pay all my dc nursery fees myself already
I was going to buy a house before lockdown in Essex Greater London but now I’m really nervous about a house price crash and recession.
My dd needs to start school in September and has a place locally.
I thought would have moved by now but didn’t do anything during the lockdown
My job is secure nhs
I earn good salary
My dp and me need to split up I don’t like him and I’m not upset about it
I just don’t know what to do about buying moving or renting. I want to give my dp stability I have moved four times since dd 4 was born.
My dp says he can’t afford to give me anything as he’s going to rent himself
I feel really unsure.
What would you do. Buy now although economic recession is looming and local house prices are grossly inflated here or rent somewhere smaller

I'd be careful posters. I said something very similar to this and wasn't rude and it was deleted... seems a few think the same due to drip feeding but get deleted for saying so..... ummmm

"WhatWouldDominicDo Thu 11-Jun-20 12:13:04
you work part time for the NHS, from home, and earn £100k pa? And you can't afford rent/mortgage? This whole story doesn't ring true."

Another who thinks you should seriously look at relocating. I don't want to be one of those annoying people who gasps over London prices, "you could buy a castle where I live for £30k" sort of thing, as I completely understand why some people pay more to live in the city, but there are so many places where you could get a decent house for far less than £750k and it sounds as though your job is flexible.

I'm selling a house, went on the market just before lockdown, asking price offer all great. Lockdown ends and their mortgage application goes in, bank won't give them a mortgage, they borrow money from family as bank asking for bigger deposit. Takes a couple of weeks, increase deposit from 10% to 15%. Bank says no criteria has tightened up again.

Estate agent says loads of interest, he's rushed off his feet, problem is getting a mortgage if you haven't got a very secure job, banks nervous about redundancies, and a good deposit, no 5% deals around. I don't know how true it is but he seems genuine.

This makes me think the market is going to tank, people losing jobs needing to sell and others wanting to buy but can't get finance. It might settle down in a couple of months or it might not. It is impossible ot tell at the moment.

Don't bother waiting for his 3 month timeline. Tell him to get out, you are already on your own.
Talk to your landlord, maybe he can negotiate a lower rent, you don't ask you don't know.
Apply right away for maintenence for the kids, he needs to pay his way, he should have been paying half the nursery fees all along, cheapskate.
Then wait a few months to see what happens with prices and start buying on your own.

It doesn’t make sense that you “can’t afford” £2k pcm rent if you’re earning circa £100k pa though, @flopseyR72

Assuming your net annual income is as low as £60k pa (I’m not really familiar with NHS pension scheme), it’s still only 40% of a good income, which surely you can absorb in the short to medium term (given DC1 starts school next term)?

Thanks for the supportive comments.

Apologies to the spelling police.

It is still an emotionally challenging situation for me ....irrespective of my relative earnings. And I don’t have any friends or family near by.

Have a look and see what is in the market, I wouldn’t worry too much about house prices. I assume a mortgage would be less than 2k per month. If nothing that you want to buy then rent. I think you are overthinking it a bit.

A mortgage would be cheaper yes. I am overthinking it I know. Maybe I should have said I don’t want to waist 2k on rent! I have two children in nursery so have been paying this all myself. And will have the council tax and all bills also on top. Plus food etc.

I’ve sent you a PM op.

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation
Op. I think in life if we are in a tricky situation the temptation is to make a quick change. Isn’t the key question here whether you will be able to move back to Scotland long term and the implications of it being too far for your DP to see the kids? If you buy in Essex and house prices go down/stamp duty is a huge cost then you shut off that option?

Absolutely put in for CMS. If he's retiring and will have a pension he can pay it out of that.

And £1000 per month in nursery fees? I'm not super familiar with the costs, but wouldn't an Au Pair be a less expensive option (if you have room)? Part time nanny?

I think you need to calm down and take a breath. You do have options. But you may have to change or manage your expectations to find them.

Yes what is scaring me is the negative equity risk and being stuck in the area if I really want to move say back to Scotland in the future

Definitely agree with the 'boot the fucker out early' rhetoric. It's nice he has a 3 month plan whilst you pay all the bills.

You don't need him-get rid. Then figure out whether to rent or buy.

Usually I would always say buy if you can but in your case I'd try to rent somewhere a bit more affordable in the shorter term until the dust settles. And yes, why is he dictating 3 months? If you want him out and it's over, why wait? And yy to CMS all the way

his verbal outbursts, shoving kids

toxic relationship

Please put your physical and mental health and that of your kids first if this is the case. It doesn't matter that much an extra 6 months of rent, if it will help you create a more stable future, rather than having to move again.

Also really think about moving back to Scotland. Close friends and family are invaluable. I hope things work out for you.

Op I can see why you are stressed. I think you’ll feel a lot better and be able to see things more clearly if you boot out the idiot right now.

Personally, I would buy something. Be more flexible about location - it’s not like you are tied to local family support so you can find something affordable. It will be the fresh start you need.

My own take on the housing market is that there will be a large movement out of London to places further out; as working from home becomes the norm and people want gardens and space. I live in a pretty commuter village and am trying to buy somewhere for my df, so he can move near to us. From what I can gather from the local estate agents, they are being deluged with enquiries. Now obviously, that doesn’t automatically translate to sales, but I really can’t see a crash on the horizon. These are weird times, and anything can happen. Waiting for a crash could be an error.

If he wants to go in 3 months, he can go now. What an arse.

When he sells the business you should get some funds from the sale. and some child support for his children.
Have you found a property.....then perhaps negotiate the price if the market is expected to fall.
Put your details with agents, you never know someone in your preferred area might be desperate to move home so you could strike a deal.

I would really suggest buying if only for the stability and certainty. Renting may require moving if the landlord decided that his plans had changed. If you are paying £24000 per annum in rent that is quite a drain. In many ways once you are in a house the value - up or down - does not really matter as it's "your home".

@flopseyR72

I would wait until at least October-Nov after furlough ends. There will be mass redundancies so that will be the time the house prices will crash. But don’t wait more than January as you say it’s wasted money.

First you look on cms calculator at how much he WILL contribute to raising his child. Your dc needs food and clothes plus a roof over their head more than he does. Second you decide where and what's best for you. He does not get to walk away without supporting his child even if he was on benefits he would be expected to pay some of them towards his child. No wonder your not sorry to see him go he sounds like a selfish arse.

Could you be eligible for the Home for Key Workers scheme??
Midwife

Stay where you are, 'waste' the 2k a month (though it's not really a waste, it's keeping a roof over your head) and wait for house prices to drop.

Move after your child has started school.

Tell him he has a choice...he either takes the children to live with him or he pays you maintenance.

You need to take emotion out of it and get hard.

In terms of the areas you are looking at:

Loughton. I live here. Moved here 20yrs ago when the newspaper headline was 'vandals destroy daffodils' (transpires a council lorry ran them over). The headlines now are people being mugged at knifepoint for a Canada goose jacket and in the school holidays it's non-stop kids being attacked for their mobile phones and bikes. You would have seen Loughton on the news in the Summer when a kid stole a car and in a bid to escape, rammed in to others to evade the police stinger. We hate it here now and want out ASAP. Property is ridiculously overpriced for what you actually get, the central line is a joke and the roads are a traffic jam due to the inefficient council planners who 'improve the flow of traffic' by adding more traffic lights AND agreeing to build more housing when we're already running short of school places (don't even think about nurseries, most have a 1year wait list for a space) and don't have enough doctors surgeries.

Chigwell. Not very friendly, again crazy overpriced for what you get. Sandwiched between the M11 and A406 so yet again, more traffic jams. All very 'Mockney Mansions'. It's a weird kind of stand alone area with nothing to really define it.

Epping. Used to have a nightclub that caused a huge amount of trouble in the town centre. Again it can be a bit of a traffic jam is there's trouble on the M11 as everyone comes off at Harlow to cut through. Lovely houses but again, so overpriced for what you get.

I'm aware this doesn't answer your question of What To Do but at least look at other cheaper and nicer areas to move. Thanks to Towie people think Loughton is an amazing place to be - but I suppose if you can afford to live where they can, it probably is.