Someone out to get me?

[goawaydailymail1]

Named changed by am a regular poster.

3 weeks ago I discovered DH was having an emotional affair (texts/phone calls) with a woman he had met on social media. I have not made a firm decision on my am marriage as we are still in lockdown etc.

He has not fully cut ties with her as she is part of an online social group he belongs to but (he says) he doesn't have 1:1 contact with her and that he's told her he will not be talking to her like 'that' anymore as he wants to save his marriage.

Over the last few weeks there have been various 'dramas' in their social group that make me think someone in the group is orchestrating them. One bloke was disciplined at work as someone reported a social media post, another's fiancé was contacted to tell him she was cheating and then yesterday my husband's work were contacted making a serious accusation again linked to social media. A woman then contacted me and my husband on Facebook to make the same allegations; she's since withdrawn them and apologised.

As an indirect result of all of this I have been suspended from work today. I disclosed the allegations to my boss (they were safeguarding related) which led them to my husband's social media and I have been suspended pending investigation that my association with my husband could bring my company into disrepute. I have to attend a meeting on Friday.

I have pretty good intuition and all my senses are telling me that the woman my DH was involved with is behind this. She has form for being manipulative (she was openly posting on his SM despite him asking her not to (obviously!) which led me to discover the EA) and lying (she was snooping on my Instagram story which I could clearly see in my viewers but insists she's never looked). I can't help but think this is a woman scorned and it's only going to get worse. My DH thinks the sun shines out of her backside and she's nothing to do with it.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is but I have no one in RL to talk to about this.

So your dh is willing to get you suspended from work so he can stay in this group with the woman? Wtf? Is he insane? I think you may well be right about her orchestrating this. She needs to be blocked from all possible sources of Social media to do with your dh. He has been very silly not blocking her already.

Sorry, he’s had an emotional affair with this woman but says he wants to save his marriage. However, he won’t cut contact with her and is defending her to the hilt?!

This is sick. OP, please kick this stupid prick out of your home and your life. He’s still prioritising this woman over you and now, over your working and personal life. Jesus Christ.

He fucked up and you’re bearing the consequences. Just let that land before you go crazy about the woman in this online group.

If he wants to save his marriage he needs to cut all ties with this group. The fact it clearly is just trouble with a capital T is another reason!

Fucking hell!

If the woman retracted the accusations about your dh.....why have you been suspended?

Why is the group even still going if someone is going through doing this.

And what sort of group is it? What are people posting on social media thats imoactimg their jobs and the jobs of their family?

Well I think snooping on your social media and denying It is fairly standard behaviour and openly posting on his social media also as she didn’t wish to be hidden.

I don’t see how that makes her the guilty party . This seems a serious allegation for your work to act as they have.

I’m honestly not sure if your hatred towards this woman is blinkering you.

What is the accusation, is it to do with kids?

If the woman retracted the accusations about your dh.....why have you been suspended?

It’s not the same woman, she doesn’t know who has made the accusations and it doesn’t seem it’s even linked to the same group, just it’s social media.

I have been suspended because I disclosed the allegations to my boss which has meant my boss and the CEO (his boss) have viewed my DH's social media profile - the allegations made reference to it. They don't like what they've seen.

I was obligated to disclose as I hold a senior position with safeguarding responsibilities.

The social group is a group of people who all do the same job and use the same social media platform- they normally chat on snapchat throughout the day. I haven't expected him to leave the group because I don't know if our marriage can be saved but if it can I have to be able to trust him to talk to colleagues (not same company- all over UK). Making him leave would mean no trust/no relationship. I know that probably sounds mad.

Bluntness100 the person making the accusation to the op and her dh, is likely to be the same person making the accusations to his employer or at least linked to whoever complained to his employer.

I am not saying its the woman he was texting. But its clearly linked.

2 people making accusations to his employer and the op, are likely to be connected.

If she has withdrawn them to the op and her surely, he can take that to his employer.

And surely, unless he has actually done what he is accused of.....there isnt a problem.

Well if you husband has been posting shit that is a safe guarding issue.....then that's all on him.

Doesnt matter who is reporting them.

I take it the other accusations were all true as well.

Sounds like someone, doesnt have to be the woman your husband was texting, has had enough of all this shady behaviour and outing them all.

Could potentially be someone who has been funked over by this groups piss poor behaviour.

OP,

I'm so sorry. This sounds incredibly murky and dangerous and it has stepped into your real life.

Are you prepared for your meeting? Whatever your personal feelings towards this woman, you must first protect yourself and your professional position.

This is time for a serious talk with your DH and him not accepting the role she has played in these allegations is concerning.

I hope you're taking support or hopefully a union rep to the meeting. Do you think your marriage can be saved? I'm not sure I'd want to save it to be honest.

You've done the right thing in reporting it. FWIW, I have seen some group chats within some professions that breach safeguarding policies.

Seeing your updated post, I think prepare for your meeting, then once this meeting is out of the way, which may well lead to a period of time of suspension, you can then begin to unpick the damage to your marriage.

What has he posted? Must be something pretty serious. I can't even imagine. And why wasn't it removed as soon as the allegations were made so your boss and ceo would never have seen it.

There's a difference between having a working relationship with people and this (troublesome) friendship group. He should distancing himself to not only prove to you you are more important big also for himself

@Bluntness100 I don't hate her - I don't like her much but I don't hate her.

The link I've made is this is the third person in their group to have a social media related drama in the last month or so. Some of the things reported were not things widely known outside their group (I.e the cheating or the fact that I am my husband's wife- I was contacted on FB). It couldn't have been foreseen that I would be in trouble at work but my husband could have lost his job easily- his employer is luckily very supportive and didn't believe the allegation.

You could be right. I just need somewhere to vent, I don't want to tell any RL friends about having been suspended.

the person making the accusation to the op and her dh, is likely to be the same person making the accusations to his employer or at least linked to whoever complained to his employer

This is illogical. The op knows who made the accusation and Apologised she clearly read it on social media or heard it. The op doesn’t know who made the initial accusation.

Op, has the comment not been removed from social media? Normally there is a way to report and withdraw, what was the accusation?

Just for clarity - there was no safeguarding issue. I reported the malicious allegation. This led my employer to look at the SM profile and they are unhappy with my association with general content (lots of swearing/unprofessional behaviour). It's my position in the company that has made them act- it is as far away from my job/persona as you could possibly get and I work in education.

What on earth has your husband got on social media that could get you suspended??

Is it offensive stuff?

@bluntness100

It was the same name that made both allegations to company and me on FB. FB profile is newly created/ no friends etc so I don't know who made the allegations.

I would forget this woman and group.

You dh needs to remove himself from the group. But it could be too late.

It could be someone wanting to ruin their careers. It could be her. Or someone in a relationship with someone in the group. Or even one of the people 'damaged' by this vendetta. They could be covering themselves.

The point is that your husband is involved with a dodgy group that damaging his career, his marriage and his wife's career. He is posting stuff on social media, tahts damaging you career...surely you saw this stuff when he posted it?

And yet, he is sticking with the group. Your problem is your husbands behaviour over the last, however long this has been going on.

its all very odd that your husband swearing on social media is a threat to your job.

Could your husband not lock down his social media profile so only chosen friends can see it?

What is your DH posting?

Maybe the posts need reporting if they are dodgy?