Someone out to get me?

[goawaydailymail1]

Named changed by am a regular poster.

3 weeks ago I discovered DH was having an emotional affair (texts/phone calls) with a woman he had met on social media. I have not made a firm decision on my am marriage as we are still in lockdown etc.

He has not fully cut ties with her as she is part of an online social group he belongs to but (he says) he doesn't have 1:1 contact with her and that he's told her he will not be talking to her like 'that' anymore as he wants to save his marriage.

Over the last few weeks there have been various 'dramas' in their social group that make me think someone in the group is orchestrating them. One bloke was disciplined at work as someone reported a social media post, another's fiancé was contacted to tell him she was cheating and then yesterday my husband's work were contacted making a serious accusation again linked to social media. A woman then contacted me and my husband on Facebook to make the same allegations; she's since withdrawn them and apologised.

As an indirect result of all of this I have been suspended from work today. I disclosed the allegations to my boss (they were safeguarding related) which led them to my husband's social media and I have been suspended pending investigation that my association with my husband could bring my company into disrepute. I have to attend a meeting on Friday.

I have pretty good intuition and all my senses are telling me that the woman my DH was involved with is behind this. She has form for being manipulative (she was openly posting on his SM despite him asking her not to (obviously!) which led me to discover the EA) and lying (she was snooping on my Instagram story which I could clearly see in my viewers but insists she's never looked). I can't help but think this is a woman scorned and it's only going to get worse. My DH thinks the sun shines out of her backside and she's nothing to do with it.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is but I have no one in RL to talk to about this.

The woman is irrelevant. Your husband cheats and his social media behaviour is so bad it’s got you suspended from work. She’s just another example of his terrible behaviour and judgement. Focus on dealing with him. And saving your career.

Just tell your boss you are divorcing him. Remove your relationship status on Facebook. You don’t actually need to then go but if there’s no obvious link between you then your company can’t punish you for his indiscretions.

I'd be suggesting that he moves out before he costs you your job, personally.

He can then decide whether he cuts off contact from the group or not, you keep your job and then decide whether you particularly want him back or not.

Ah ok, so it’s a fake profile who sent it to you and apologised?

I also don’t understand what your husband is doing, but I’ve never heard of someone being suspended because their partner uses a site and swears. Why hasn’t your husbamd immediately come off it?

It’s hard to understand because you say his employer is supporting him, which means it’s more than just swearing etc.

I'm guessing your husbands posts were something racist or homophobic - is that the case?

I can't understand how disciplinary action has been started even if this is the case as I don't believe there is a legal precedent for someone being disciplined for their husband swearing on his own social media page.

If it was something incredibly offensive though and you're publicly linked to his profile I could understand an employer flagging this to you.

So I think it must be something very bad.

He sounds like an absolute dick OP.

@Bluntness100

Ah ok, so it’s a fake profile who sent it to you and apologised?

I also don’t understand what your husband is doing, but I’ve never heard of someone being suspended because their partner uses a site and swears. Why hasn’t your husbamd immediately come off it?

It’s hard to understand because you say his employer is supporting him, which means it’s more than just swearing etc.

Well, I made damn sure that there was nothing viewable to an unknown person that would connect me to DP when I was looking for work in an education sector - an ex colleague had fallen foul of a search when her related employer had clicked through to the account of somebody she had interacted with. Nothing DP would have said was offensive or illegal/safeguarding related, but he has some very outspoken friends who definitely would not have been approved of by my potential employers or some of the more 'enthusiastic' parents if one felt the need to make a point at some stage in the future.

For example, an Opus Dei school is not going to be keen on their safeguarding lead living with somebody whose mates go on about 'fucking paedo priests' or 'Tory Cunts'. It just looks bad, especially if a parent could find the link.

Would you rather have your job or husband?

If things are rocky I would think your job would be the best option for the future.

I agree. Fight for the job, your husband can fight for your marriage.

wow ... sympathies OP.. what a situ

so your husband doesn't want to block her from his social media and actively chooses to remain in the same online group as her.
He's made his decision - it's just you he's keeping dangling doing the 'pick me' dance (kind of).

He ought to realise what the rules are re his social media public content when it comes to impacting on your job/safeguarding.
He has no respect for you and zero consideration for your job.

You realise you could end up out of a job as a worst case scenario and all cos HE wants to get his kicks from another woman?

Your husband needs to just come off that group for your sake. If he is choosing not too, despite your suspension then I can't imagine there us any hope for your marriage being rebuilt.
You can't force him to everything but I find it very disturbing he's not just come off now. Why is he being such a selfish prick?

I know it's like shutting the stable door etc but out of respect for you and to now support you as your employer investigates tho further, I think coming off that group and securing his online profile is the veryvkeadt he could do.

Why do people do this absolute junk of Social Media with people whom they hardly know? I read all the time of tensions between playground pick up parents, former work colleagues etc. If you get involved in that kind of group with people whom you hardly know, this is what will happen. Avoid.

Theres something seriously wrong if you've been suspended for what your husband puts on facebook.
He must be putting absolutely disgusting things up.

OP, for all you know, the trouble maker is actually your husband. After all, he posts things so dodgy you're suspended from your job for safeguarding concerns.

I would squarely at him. What's he like at home?

Is he happy about you working?

Reason number 436 to get rid of social media. What a horrible situation for you to be in. Obvs hard to tell without knowing the full details, hopefully you will get nothing more serious than a slap on the wrist

Snapchat is for 12 year olds and your DH and OW probably have a fake account each on FB or IG. What have they been discussing to get you suspended. They sound like they need to grow up!

I dont work in education, but in a similar public service sector, and i know what sort of content would get me into trouble. Everyone in these jobs knows. Nasty.

You're at fault for allowing your SM to be open enough for people to find you, especially when you know your DH associates with these sort of people online. People like you are now learning that there are real-world consequences to that online unpleasantness, even when you are at arms length from it.

I hope it goes ok on friday, but i also hope you use this as a learning moment, to understand the consequences of your actions.

It all sounds so weird. You appear to have a senior position with responsibilities and your husband and his friends appear to be a group of teenagers who can't use social media appropriately and keep telling tales on each other.

What is he posting? Is it like Britain First stuff?
Your DH sounds like a twat.