Do abusive mysoginists put you off men in general?

[ExtraSyllable]

I'm heterosexual and happily single atm, wasn't ruling out another relationship in the future but the more I see and learn about certain high profile men or very rich ones using and abusing women and girls given the chance the more I dislike men in general.

I know that's not totally fair and I have a son and father who I love very much but it's so obvious now with people like Saville, Epstein, Weinstein and just last night I watched a Sky documentary about hundreds of underage gymnasts being abused by their appointed doctor in the US.

Part of me feels that given the opportunity they would all do it, and it sickens me and puts me off.

AIBU?

no, any more than fuckwit insta-females with their punched lips, rectangular eyebrows, use of 'like' and 'y'know' every third word, enjoyment of shopping and makeup and general pointlessness put me off women in general.

Women liking make-up and talking funny.

Men being statistically more likely to commit violence.

Yes, I can see how the first is more off-putting than the second

No.
I was forced into adultwork (I do mean with force) and as a result was used by probably over two thousand men. I stopped counting at 600-odd.
I was on the streets after that.
I know what seemingly nice men can do. I know what young, old, rich, poor men can do. But I still love the men I know and I still trust until I'm given reason not to. If I didn't then the bad ones would have won.

Vampire, I'm so sorry for what you've been through💐
I hope you're ok?
Do you have any insights as to what separates the good from the bad?

I did Feeedom programme and its fair to say it’s put me off !
But the real reason is I struggle to imagine a relationship bringing me any positives

I think of

• the stress , game playing - oh he hasn’t texted Shite
• the fact I have made not so great choices in the past
• having to beautify myself
• my body as 46 compared to 26
• the insecurity
• having to DO thing and BE places

Im 46 and in one way or another have been consumed by male relationships , or lack thereof since I was 15

That’s a long time

So yeah , happy to stay single for the forseeable

No, as I do have a lovely DH now and 2 BILs who are very decent. But it does make me wary of men, especially as my DSis and I are SA survivors, we were abused by our F and other men in the paedophile ring he was part of.

My F was also deeply misogynistic in other ways and was emotionally abusive towards our DM. She didn’t know what was happening, but she also had absorbed misogynistic ideas about marriage and sex; she didn’t believe that rape within marriage was possible and her advice to me when I couldn’t cope with sex because of my PTSD was ‘lie down and think of England’ . Thankfully, the idea of that appalled my lovely DH!

So I’ve experienced the best and the worst where men are concerned.

No. Does the odd nasty woman put you off having female friends?

Comparing violent and abusive men to nasty women detracts from the point of the thread. One will hurt your feelings, the other is more likely to kill or harm you.

I'm not "put off men" because I'm a straight woman so can't help being attracted to some men, but it does make me despair, because I feel that even the men that everyone thinks are lovely men and in no way sexist, still have a bit of ingrained misogyny no matter how much they or anyone else thinks they don't. I also know far too many many who are just blatant misogynists. Unfortunately, IME most men are sexist in some shape or form.

This guest post about the We Can't Consent To This campaign highlights some of the issues around male violence towards women. It states that 38% of the women they surveyed reported unwanted choking, gagging, slapping, or spitting during consensual sex. It also states that "rough sex gone wrong" is increasingly being used as a defence and that 60 women in the UK have been killed in violence which their male murderer claimed was consensual.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/3933655-Guest-post-There-have-been-60-other-UK-women-killed-in-violence-claimed-to-be-consensual

For me, having 2 DDs of 11 and 8, I’m only too aware that it won’t be long before they start having boys and men interested in them. Sadly, I discovered that DD2 was being groomed online earlier this year in the roblox chatroom, which I didn’t even know was part of that site.

I wanted to hear others' opinions because this is quite new for me, if anything I used to have an idealistic/positive view of men, probably related to my dad not being there, idk.

I'm trying to put my finger on what's changed because I don't really think AMALT but I can feel myself changing and wondered if anyone else could shed some light.

I;m sorry that happened to you vampirethriller .

Seems a bit of a sweeping statement

It's no more sweeping then suggesting all men would abuse women given the chance 🙄

No, all men are not like this. My DH has been horrified at the abuse my DSis and I went through, and at the DV my DSis went through. I know that the same is true of my DSis’s second DH, my BIL. Decent men are horrified.

But they need to know about what other men are doing, because a lot simply don’t know and don’t hear about it. Until my DH knew about my experiences, he had no idea.

I'm a lot better than I was @B1rdbra1n thank you!

Decent men are horrified and disgusted at the actions of abusive men. Therefore no, you can assume they are all the same. I don't understand why anyone would think that is an appropriate way to think about what is essentially half the population.

Meant cant*

I know that logically GreytExpectations hence my post. I don't normally feel this way,

It doesn't put me off them but it made/makes me (particularly when dating before meeting DP) wary and careful. I'm also aware that all men, even the lovely and kind ones benefit in some ways from aspects of being male. And it's easy for them to be unaware or at least very reluctant to acknowledge that.

I am married to a lovely man. I am raising what I hope will be lovely men.

I don't count my chickens, though, and openly admit that I know without question that if DH and I split I would remain single, happily. I work in a male-dominated industry and whilst on the surface they're mostly good people, several drinks in a bar on a friday night on a conference away from home reveals a different side to many of them. And that's just a tiny cross-section of society.

@MoggyMittens23 you may want to read some of the threads here, about 'fresh young men that they can teach'

You didnt say school children. You said younger women. You did mention teens after. Teens aren't always school children.

And yes, plenty of women do want to sleep with men in their teens. Its becoming quite rage at the moment. Women who do so are celebrated.

My simple observation, is that lots of men and women want to want to sleep with much younger people. I do not think that's a male only issue.

Older men wanting to sleep witj school children is abuse. Which is a different issue.

No of course not. You can't tar all men with the same brush because of the actions of a hugh profile minority.

That's like me saying all women are shit mums because I know of a few who really were and caused damage to their children.

@Trevsadick yeah, I'm not going to even try to compare it. I've seen what I've seen. You have no way seen adult women in theirs 60's, married for 30 plus years, ACTIVELY PURSUING a teenage boy, or wanting a grown man to dress in a school uniform or something. IF you have, maybe one or two? I've seen it thousands and thousands of time. Like I said it's a well known fantasy.

Sorry.... NOT comparing it.

You don't always have to give the other side. I can say that men are more likely to do this kind of thing, because they are. That's a fact. There are always people who want to give the other side. Oh, but what about women who... etc. No, sorry.

Not ALL men, no. But a hell of a lot.

Comparing violent and abusive men to nasty women detracts from the point of the thread. One will hurt your feelings, the other is more likely to kill or harm you.

Seriously, how many men are violent and abusive?

My point, which was so obviously missed, is that you can't judge the minority by the actions of a few.