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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids birthday present etiquette

36 replies

Swirlyceiling · 09/06/2020 18:43

Not sure if I'm missing something.

Friend A: can I get (DC) this for their birthday? I know it's a few months away but I think they will like it.
Me: sure.
Friend A has a birthday party in between for their DD, I arrive with present and card.
My DC birthday arrives, no gift or card.

Have I missed something? This has happened with 3 friends. Are they just CFs? I would feel awkward turning up to birthday parties empty handed, but especially if they have discussed getting our DC gifts. I'm actually a little annoyed, but also disappointed to not even have cards from them for DC to read!

Birthday parties were pre lockdown. My DC cannot have their parties for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
SeoHyunJin · 09/06/2020 18:53

I feel like that is a bit rude (your friend not you!) especially as they already asked if they could get your child a present. If it was me I would definitely not turn up to a party without a present or a card.

Original poster
Swirlyceiling · 09/06/2020 20:36

I've never turned up to one without anything either. Yes DCs party is cancelled because of coronavirus but given that I've bought for all of my friend's children, I'm a bit put out that we haven't even got cards.

OP posts:
peajotter · 09/06/2020 20:41

It is rather rude, but it’s the sort of thing I would do. I’m finding lockdown very stressful and not coping so well. If there was a party to attend then I’d remember and get a present, but it’s much harder when there isn’t a physical event, and life is not under control.

I wouldn’t read too much into it unless it continues post lockdown. People are under a lot of stress and life isn’t normal right now.

I’m off to write an apology to my friend’s kid!

Spied · 09/06/2020 20:41

Very rude.
I'd go out of my way to make sure I sent a card/present especially as the child is missing out on their party.
Some people like to say things that make themselves sound good/generous but often these people have no substance.

Rhayader · 09/06/2020 20:42

I don’t think I’ve ever discussed a birthday present for a kid with a parent other than for a relative. We’ve delivered presents to close school friends though during the lockdown.

Spied · 09/06/2020 20:42

Sorry ppBlush

Original poster
Swirlyceiling · 09/06/2020 20:49

I wouldn’t read too much into it unless it continues post lockdown

Birthday will have been and gone then, I'm a bit pissed off about it so I don't know if I'll buy for their children again, to find out. They know how disappointing it was for DC not to have a party.

OP posts:
Badassmama · 09/06/2020 20:54

Id be gutted too. Could you do a post-lockdown party for your DC maybe?

DelurkingAJ · 09/06/2020 20:56

I’m currently assuming that all parties will happen post this mess. We got one present for DS2 whose party was the first weekend of lockdown but I didn’t expect any at all.

Cheeeeislifenow · 09/06/2020 20:59

I never expect my children to get gifts from anyone, no one is obliged. Did you only buy for their DC because they were buying for yours? Maybe their financial circumstances have changed? Perhaps they forgot? Who knows what's going on in others homes?

Notthetoothfairy · 09/06/2020 21:04

I first read it as they showed up at your DC’s party without a gift but as now see theirs had parties and yours didn’t. I think a lot of people would think no party, no gift, even if there is good reason for no party.

My DC also didn’t have a party but I bought them extra presents as they wouldn’t get any from friends (using the money I saved from not having a party).

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/06/2020 21:07

I got two kids a present and card for their lockdown birthday, and another kid a card and present for their birthday a few months before lockdown where they didn't have a party, and their parents never got my daughter anything. I felt a bit sad for my daughter as she just got stuff from me and my parents (even my sibling forgot!) and had a total of 5 cards. But I really think people are struggling to remember stuff like this in lockdown. It's not like real life, I would normally have seen these people frequently and we would have probably spoken about an upcoming party and it would have jolted their memory. I just happen to have a freaky memory for birthdays and I don't really expect other people to

BackforGood · 09/06/2020 21:08

Wait.

Are you saying :

Your dc went to party and took gift.

Now your dc's birthday is during this strange time of not being allowed to socialise, so obviously isn't having a party this month, and you are complaining that your dc's friends (who aren't attending a party) haven't brought a gift round ? Hmm

If Ive got it right, then YABU.
When you hold the belated party, all friends will turn up with gifts. If you don't, then they won't.

OwlinaTree · 09/06/2020 21:12

They have probably forgotten. Most people do unless they are reminded by the fact there is a party to attend.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 09/06/2020 21:32

Agree with @BackforGood and @Notthetoothfairy. YABU.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 09/06/2020 21:38

I also agree with @BackforGood and @Notthetoothfairy.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 09/06/2020 22:28

I think YABU to expect people to buy your child gifts in lockdown, people have much bigger concerns, like paying their mortgage or not catching covid, than remembering a classmates birthday!

MrsPerfect12 · 09/06/2020 22:51

Are you planning to reschedule party? Maybe they plan to give present then?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/06/2020 22:55

I have bought for some children during lockdown (mainly my friends' kids) but not all. DD best friend recently had a birthday but we didn't send a card or gift, we would normally only do that if there's a party. I haven't got the funds to do it right now.

lyralalala · 09/06/2020 22:59

I think it would have been polite of them to mention it. I've asked DS (10)'s best friend's Mum if they're rescheduling the party and because they're not I've sent a gift. DD4's best friend is rescheduling her party at some point and we haven't sent a gift as we'll take it to the party.

lyralalala · 09/06/2020 23:00

It could be the case that they're thinking no party = no present. Would be very harsh for very close friends

Percephone · 09/06/2020 23:03

I think if there is no party there will be no gift. People only think to give a gift if there is an invitation. We had a small wedding and none of the friends we had given wedding gifts to over the past 10 years gave us anything because they weren't at the wedding.

LittleOwl153 · 09/06/2020 23:04

Did you do any kind of 'party' event? My 6yr old has attended 2 zoom parties and we made the effort to get card/present to them either by dropping on doorstep or by post. I'll admit I've probably missed a few kids that he probably would have gone to parties for but they haven't happened so I didn't know when birthdays actually were.

Merryoldgoat · 09/06/2020 23:04

I wouldn’t expect any gifts if there’s no party.

BabyDancer · 09/06/2020 23:20

Yeah, no gifts if there isn't a party.