Kids birthday present etiquette

[Swirlyceiling]

Not sure if I'm missing something.

Friend A: can I get (DC) this for their birthday? I know it's a few months away but I think they will like it.
Me: sure.
Friend A has a birthday party in between for their DD, I arrive with present and card.
My DC birthday arrives, no gift or card.

Have I missed something? This has happened with 3 friends. Are they just CFs? I would feel awkward turning up to birthday parties empty handed, but especially if they have discussed getting our DC gifts. I'm actually a little annoyed, but also disappointed to not even have cards from them for DC to read!

Birthday parties were pre lockdown. My DC cannot have their parties for obvious reasons.

No party no gift I think is the standard for friends. Family is different

YABU to expect a gift if you can't have a party. Especially as a lot of people are struggling for money and worrying about their jobs.
I'm more annoyed that my husband's family have ignored my daughter's birthday. No call, card or presents. Especially when we made sure we gave a present for my nephew last month.. But everyone is,stressed at the moment.

Unless very close friend - no party no gift. If I was the other parent I'd assume that you will have a belated party for your child.

YABU
It’s lockdown so many people

• don’t even know they can send a gift without risking Covid transmission
• May be waiting to see if you have a belated party after lockdown
• might have forgotten because no invitation

-could have lost their job(s) and be struggling to not be homeless and so gifts are no longer affordable.

Did you only buy for their DC because they were buying for yours?

Yes, because said 'I'm getting x this present, hope that's ok'

We probably won't have a post lockdown party as DC is too young to understand (2). I am not talking playground mum's here, close friends!

The parents have likely forgotten all about the birthday, without there being the party to remind them.

People have got enough of their own stuff to remember, without also remembering it's "little Johnny's friend from school's birthday next week".

If/when you hold the belated party, the cards and gifts will come then.

Is your DC upset about it?

Let it go. Chalk it up to "weird times" and move on.

It’s weird to say you are getting a gift and not. I have a friend who is notorious for doing this with wedding presents, moving presents. If they don’t get anything it’s fine! But don’t say you will then not.

It’s not nice that you only bought her children presents expecting one though if she’s a good friend.

@zingally these are good friends, not school mums. People I have known for years.

It’s not nice that you only bought her children presents expecting one though if she’s a good friend.

Of course not, I would have any way but especially as she mentioned it before. It was just kind of 'set' that I thought we were buying for each other's dc, because of the conversation. Some of my friends and I have said 'do you mind if we don't do presents this year for x reason?'. Our kids are not old enough to understand if they haven't received gifts from certain people so it's been fine to do this.

this feels tit for tat which is pretty pathetic

I wouldnt go to a party without a card/present so what you did was basic and wasn't to 'recieve' something back

there is ZERO obligation to buy gifts if you dont go to a party (my DS has dozens of friends and half dont do parties, no way am I remembering all their birthdays and buying gifts for them all) so you didnt have a party, I'm also guessing you arent even seeing this people due to lock down so why would you expect anything

they may have bought something, I use to buy for my best friends kid and vice versa and they moved country and by the time we got to see each other in person and give gifts 3 years had passed and the backlog of toys wheren't even age appropriate anymore - this has happened a few time where we cant see people for a while, nothing wierd about it, just because they bought something doesnt mean you are entitled to it at a very specific and inconveniant time

@Swirlyceiling

I've never turned up to one without anything either. Yes DCs party is cancelled because of coronavirus but given that I've bought for all of my friend's children, I'm a bit put out that we haven't even got cards.

you're doubling back on yourself:

'I've never turned up to one without anything either' & 'I've bought for all of my friend's children'

'Did you only buy for their DC because they were buying for yours? Yes, because said 'I'm getting x this present, hope that's ok''

'Some of my friends and I have said 'do you mind if we don't do presents this year for x reason?''

you start off saying you would never not take a present and you bought one for 'everyone else'

then that you only did it because you where told you would get something back

and then finish with you HAVE actually not bought gifts before

... make up your mind