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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum and wedding

39 replies

EugenieGreen · 09/06/2020 17:39

My cousin is getting married at Christmas and has sent invitations out. My siblings and I are invited but not my mum.
My dad died last year and it is his side that is marrying. It’s as if they don’t think she is family anymore.

OP posts:
dobbyssoc · 09/06/2020 17:42

My FIL and MIL weren't invited to their nieces wedding but the cousins were.
It's there day 🤷🏼‍♀️

dobbyssoc · 09/06/2020 17:43

*their

CuppaZa · 09/06/2020 17:43

That’s awful. So there any I’ll feeling or back story as to why your mum didn’t revive an invite? Or could it be lost in the post?

Shoxfordian · 09/06/2020 17:44

Was she close to her inlaws? Sounds unkind to exclude her

Gre8scott · 09/06/2020 17:44

I wouldn't worry there will be no weddings happening at xmas !!!!

TidyDancer · 09/06/2020 17:45

I think it hinges on how close the family are/were. I wouldn't expect my fathers side of the family to invite my mother independent of him (he died years ago).

TeaAndHobnob · 09/06/2020 17:46

That is awful. If it were me none of us would be going and I would tell them why. How cruel Sad

Original poster
EugenieGreen · 09/06/2020 19:03

No Ill feeling between them. Cousin’s parents met my mum in town for coffee every month before lockdown.
My brother got annoyed when I said I wanted to contact another branch of family to see if other aunts and uncles are invited. There is no chance my sister-in-law would let him decline. Apparently she actually joked that we wouldn’t keep in touch with her if he died!
My sister is annoyed kids aren’t invited and thinks it’s sad mum isn’t invited but she will be going.
Mum is sanguine about it.

OP posts:
mrsBtheparker · 09/06/2020 19:46

Think positive, she doesn't need to waste money on a present, outfit etc..

heartsonacake · 09/06/2020 19:47

YABU. It’s their wedding; they get to choose the guests.

lovepickledlimes · 09/06/2020 19:53

It is rather unkind. Your mum is still family and by the sounds was on good terms with the family. Personally I would decline to go and leave it at that. Yes it is their choice, and their day but then also their responsibility to deal with the consequences of not including family be it parent or children

GalwayGrowl · 09/06/2020 19:57

Was the cousin close to your mum? Is there any backstory/previous fallouts?

I'm going to be honest: I'm doing the same next year. My cousins are lovely. Their mother is an absolute nightmare who gets paralytic and starts on people at every large event. So many family occasions have been ruined by her. My cousins are welcome to decline, but I am not inviting my aunt.

Tropical2 · 09/06/2020 20:00

Could it be a financial decision? A work colleague got married last year and they could only afford 25 people on each side (including the wedding party) which meant some key family members didn't get invited and some people didn't get a plus one. They had a set budget and just couldn't afford to invite anymore.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 09/06/2020 20:05

If you don't like it, decline the invitation. It's their wedding so it's up to them to establish how important their relationship is with your mum.

lucyintheskywithcz · 09/06/2020 20:15

I wouldn't go

TulipsandDa1s1es · 09/06/2020 20:26

Maybe they just dont like your mum. I get on with DHs brothers and their wives but wouldnt choose to hang around with them. Theyre not my friends. BIL married 2 years ago and his (lovely) wife to be suggested we go out a few times but I declined. I have a hectic life as it is and, while its nice to see her at events, I have no interest in taking the relationship further. I think if DH died I wouldnt keep them around. However their children (who Ive known since day 1) I would.

tillyandmilly · 09/06/2020 20:30

They might not be able to have a wedding even at christmas!

Leaannb · 09/06/2020 20:30

@EugenoeGreen...You do realize that your mother's relationship with your Aunt and Uncle is very different than your cousin's relationship with your mother?

Leaannb · 09/06/2020 20:32

@Lovedpickledlimes...How do we know their relationship was on good terms?

Stillfunny · 09/06/2020 20:38

If it is your cousin , then they are probably the same generation as you. Perhaps they don't want the older , extended family there. I think your Mum has the right attitude. Can she have your sister kids ?So go if you want to.

lovepickledlimes · 09/06/2020 20:43

@Leaannb well the fact that the parents met up for regular coffee does sugest that or at least that there is no bad blood between both

AIMD · 09/06/2020 20:50

Is there a chance she is invited but the invitation just didn’t get to her (lost in the post). Just seems odd to invite all you and your siblings but not her u less you were all very close and your mum not close.

I think if it were me and my mum was bothered I wouldn’t go. However if she wasn’t bothered I’d go if I was close to them.

cakecakecheese · 09/06/2020 21:01

It is odd. My dad died in 2007. My cousin on his side was due to be getting married this summer and my Mum was invited.

Leaannb · 09/06/2020 23:11

@lovepickledlimes...The relationship between Mom and her bio and will is not the same as the relationship being great between Mom and cousin

lovepickledlimes · 09/06/2020 23:21

@Leaannb I don't know maybe it's just the way I was brought up but my family and and thankfully fiancé is similar would not dream about having a wedding that did not include all immediate uncles, aunts along with partners and children etc.

Personally if my relative got married and my mother was not invited or children not allowed I would congratulate them, wish them the best but decline the invite. Same if fiancé was not invited.