My mum and wedding

[EugenieGreen]

My cousin is getting married at Christmas and has sent invitations out. My siblings and I are invited but not my mum.
My dad died last year and it is his side that is marrying. It’s as if they don’t think she is family anymore.

My cousin can and did do exactly the same at her wedding. Like a previous poster, my DM is a liability at any family gathering. I didn't blame them at all.

That doesn't sound like my definition of family.
I would double check that this was an actual decision not to invite her rather than the invitation getting lost in the post, as it does sound like a very strange decision.

I think you only need worry if the parents stop keeping in touch with your mum (which of course is more difficult with lockdown hopefully the coffee meet-ups are being replaced with phone calls or something). Wedding numbers have to be limited somehow, and quite possibly they've decided to invite all your generation but not the one above. We did it the other way around - aunts and uncles but not cousins, apart from those too small to leave behind (not close to any of cousins as not close geographically or age-wise).

If they’re not close with your mom maybe they didn’t invite her with the idea that she could watch the grandkids since they’re not invited either.

I wouldn’t go. That’s horrible.

Is she shielding?
Limited number?

Wow that's mean...my uncle (mums brother) died a few years before my wedding. I invited my aunt, plus her new gentleman friend. I didn't invite my cousins (small wedding)

When I got married it didn't occur to me for a moment that my Uncle T wouldn't be there, even though his wife, who was my dad's sister, had died a number of years previously. We didn't have cousins as there were millions of the bastards, but we invited his eldest daughter to be his plus one so he wasn't lonely. He's my family, blood ties or no.

I think your mum is right to be sanguine about it.
People are odd and it doesn't do to get in a massive huff about such matters. Your mum is the bigger person here OP and you have to admire that.

I think that's really rude.

DH's family is massive so there's always a defined cut off, but cutting someone out because their partner died is staggeringly rude imo.

Are you sure it's not just a misunderstanding or a lost invitation

Is it possible that the invite is with the aunt and uncle to deliver in person when they next meet up once lock down is over. If they know they meet on a regular basis maybe it was being delivered that way.

In the past weddings were about two families getting together through the marriage.
This would appear to be outdated now. We have had family weddings were only bits of the family were invited, including splitting up siblings, children and parents. However, as a previous poster mentioned, if you don’t go you save on the expense and wedding present.

I dont personally know any of my childrens cousin on their dads side, in fact my DH doesnt even know half their names as many moved away years ago (I quized him about it for the guest list when we married and he didnt even know how many there where)

I wouldn't expect to be invited to anything unless my DH had been invited (and thats obviously not the case here) so I really wouldnt be bothered