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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there any thing I can sign up for to annoy a racist?

79 replies

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 09/06/2020 00:10

I have a deeply annoying, racist former colleague. They have a lot of power and influence over others.

Is there a charity I can donate to in their name? Or an organisation I can sign up to for them to receive mail at their company?

I remember people donated in the name of Mike Pence in the news.

Yes, I know what I am doing is unreasonable or petty. It makes me as bad as them, I know. I'm just angry and frustrated they won't be held to account.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 09/06/2020 12:23

In your opinion.

Well who else’s opinion were you expecting? In any case, surely there has to come a point where something is factually racist and not a matter of opinion at all?

Smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 09/06/2020 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muminabun · 09/06/2020 12:34

Let it go op. You don’t want to harass her this could lead to you getting into trouble.

derxa · 09/06/2020 12:37

Well who else’s opinion were you expecting? In any case, surely there has to come a point where something is factually racist and not a matter of opinion at all? Yes but the OP has not said what the colleague has said or done.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/06/2020 12:54

YABU. It’s up to him to be a racist. Make any donations in your name to a charity that will help to fight racism. Don’t get his work involved as it will make you seem like a twat and what’s it got to do with them anyway?

Good choice of username. Hmm Twat.

022828MAN · 09/06/2020 13:42

Being offensive about race is not bloody subjective

Except the OPs previous post just said 'she has been offensive way before BLM'

No examples were or have been given. So deeming something offensive IS subjective, unless the OP can give examples that actually are racist.

Original poster
MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 09/06/2020 13:51

I really don't want to go into specifics apart from views she has expressed about history, immigrants and ways she has treated people she knows. Nothing electronic or social media that I know of - I don't know her that way. Some of it I have been told secondhand.

I said this, and it is all I want to say, in the circumstances. I do not want to mention specifics.

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 14:32

Oh ffs racism isn't subjective and anyone who thinks that is likly racist themselves and are just trying to defend themselves.

I can assure you it is unfortunately very far from being the case that "most companies promote equal rights"

And I can assure you that is not the case in my experience but we all have our own experiences. So do you think we should just be accepting that or challenging it?

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 14:33

@022828MAN you certainly are very determined to excuse racism Hmm

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 14:36

@022828MAN

Just get on with your own life. God these last few weeks have brought the utter worst out in everyone.
So calling out racism is now "bringing out the worst in people"?? BAME people should just carry on experiencing systemic racism then, should they? Or should we just pretend it doesn't exist and let them continue being oppressed for another 400 years? The last few weeks certainly have shown people's true colours, and I'm not talking about those who are Anti-racist
SionnachRua · 09/06/2020 14:41

I get it OP, I have had racist colleagues too. I also have a homophobic brother who I'm estranged from. I donate to LGBT groups every year on his birthday and at Christmas. It's a bit petty, sure (not that he knows about it) but I enjoy it and it brings no one harm, so why not.

And no, you are in no way as bad as the racist 🙄

022828MAN · 09/06/2020 14:45

So calling out racism is now "bringing out the worst in people

Erm, no. But signing up to send things to someones house is not calling out racism is it?

you certainly are very determined to excuse racism

Am I? Or have I, along with several other posters, just asked what this person has done to deem her racist?

So far this week I've seen people being called racist for being concerned about mass gatherings of people during a pandemic, for being against looting and arson, and there's another thread going at the moment stating that Harry Potter is racist?!

None of those things would justify signing upto things in someone else's name to spite them.

Tianalia · 09/06/2020 14:47

If she made racist comments why didn't you challenge it at the time? You don't need to be be rude or unpleasant. Gently challenge people and get them to think about what they are saying and why they think that. Promote debate and discussion. What you're planning on doing makes you sound like a petty coward who isn't prepared to stand by their beliefs when they see something wrong. This applies to anything that is clearly morally wrong. You won't change people's minds by doing things like that. You won't change anything.

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 14:57

@022828MAN I've seen your comments on various other threads about BLM and racism and it's clear that you are very much against anti-racism. It's obvious because your initial reaction to hearing someone was racist was to question whether they were or not and then call it "subjective" also, the OP explained the subjects in which this person showed their racism, which you are choosing to ignore.

Like I said, you seem very detirmened to justify racism on here and other threads.

022828MAN · 09/06/2020 15:03

I've commented on threads that are against the protesting AT THE MOMENT, during a pandemic. I'm a nurse and have seen my colleagues broken mentally, physically and emotionally over the last 3 months.
I have not at any point done or said anything to feed your narrative of me being against anti-racism, that is ridiculous.

MockneyReject · 09/06/2020 15:07

Hmm, maybe it is petty, but so what? I normally give/donate anonymously, but I make sure that the paltry £13.46 per fortnight maintenance I get from my ex is publicly donated to whatever I think would piss him off the most, that week. So, the food bank (he despises the shiftless poor), feminist causes (he hates 'uppity' women), refugee charities (he's a Brexiteer).
The 'child' in question is now an adult and doesn't want the money.
Not the same scenario, I know, but I post in defence of (minor) pettiness.

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 15:08

I've commented on threads that are against the protesting AT THE MOMENT, during a pandemic

So, the requirement for equal human rights should wait? 400 years isn't quite long enough, BAME communities can obviously wait longer whilst more black lives are lost. Im afraid if you are more outraged at the protests than at the reason behind them then your priorities need to be revisited.

I have not at any point done or said anything to feed your narrative of me being against anti-racism, that is ridiculous

If you say so Smile

022828MAN · 09/06/2020 15:12

How bizarre...

I'm not outraged at the protests at all though. Can you point me to any comment I've left to indicate I am?
I have expressed that I am concerned for the health of the BAME community, along with the rest of the public for what might come in the next month following these protests. Sadly covid doesn't care about your reasons for gathering in the thousands.

I find this going after me and trying to label me as racist incredibly strange but actually prices my point further up thread that someone calling someone racist doesn't actually mean anything at the moment apparently.

lyralalala · 09/06/2020 15:13

I did this years ago. A completely racist colleague kept putting a few of us who were much younger and less senior in the horrible position of hearing their bile, but we also knew that our direct manager was totally ineffective and in her pocket. The local authority was advertising for an Asylum Seeker Integration officer. She always opened her mail in the staff room in the morning with a cup of tea. When the application came she let rip with a tirade of disgustingness and it was witnessed by so many people she was finally taken to task over it.

Tianalia · 09/06/2020 15:16

Hmm, maybe it is petty, but so what?

Well anonymous donations may help a little, but if the aim is to change people's attitudes, this and signing people up to things in their name isn't going to achieve much change at all, and may actually make things worse. If you have something to say, say it out loud.

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 15:23

I find this going after me and trying to label me as racist incredibly strange but actually prices my point further up thread that someone calling someone racist doesn't actually mean anything at the moment apparently.

I never labelled you as a racist. I said against anti-racism, there is a difference. Sadly, police brutality and lack of equal human rights also doesn't care if there is a pandemic going on. I'm not going to go through all your posts on various threads to prove my point, that's ridiculous and would just get my comments removed by MNHQ. Like you claim racism is "subjective" so is my interpretation of your comments.

GreytExpectations · 09/06/2020 15:24

Op, donations in their name seems like a good idea. Why does it matter if its petty, money is being given to a good cause and nobody is being harmed. What's the problem?

Cadent · 09/06/2020 15:25

@derxa stop being an apologist for racists.

MockneyReject · 09/06/2020 16:03

"If you have something to say, say it out loud."

Not always an option. That's why I do it this way, at a safe distance.

022828MAN · 09/06/2020 16:26

Like you claim racism is "subjective" so is my interpretation of your comments.

I didn't say racism is subjective.
I said what different people find offensive is.

Stop putting words in my mouth.