People who say remind me / give me a nudge

[Tatapie]

AIBU to think sod off and get some sort of diary system yourself, I've enough to do sorting my own stuff out thank you very much! Gives me the rage for some reason. Don't know if I'm over reacting!

I think for me it depends on whether the thing I have to remind them about is important. If not, I can probably safely forget it.

Depends...

if someone who you delegate to at work says "remind me" that's really bad.

I know what you mean OP. If you have to remind the person it means your time is being valued at nothing.

It's more personal life than work. I feel like it's giving me another thing to do when I've done my bit usually and getting them to do theirs! I am organised but don't have a great memory myself just use a dairy. Probably over thinking it, feeling hard done by!

Depends how important it is to you. If not, leave it to them. If it's important to you, you'll remind them.

It means they don't care, and are hoping that you'll either forget or just deal with it yourself.

This pisses me off no end. My Mum who is retired and doesn't have a lot to fill her days always says it to me who has 3 kids, job, chaotic life, always chasing my tail - aarrrggghh write it down/set a reminder on your phone/etc, dont ask a person who already has 300 things a day to remember to remind you!

It's irritating to be treated like someone's unpaid PA but I think it's easy enough to refuse and the more you do the less likely they are to ask. I"d simply say my memory is shocking, you'll need to put it in your diary and then think no more of it.

Yeah I have a boss like this. Nothing ever gets actioned or followed up.

YANBU

I find this tends to happen a lot with people who can’t be bothered to make plans. Especially when they say things like “give me a nudge next week and we’ll set a date”

I had a friend like this who was always asking me to set up a date and I messaged her for quite a few weeks in a row but she was always busy. The last time I spoke to her she asked me to suggest a few dates so I did and she never even read the message. Most odd because she’s always liking and commenting on my social media so appears to still want to be friends just not inclination to see each other 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes I find this annoying too. It delegates responsibility for it actually happening from the person who is supposed to do it. Best thing is to not remind the person and delegate responsibility for giving a fuck to the cat.

Good advice @puffinkoala & @FOJN

@SummerHouse

Oh sorry!! I do this with junior staff at work all the time. I often offer the help them with this or that, or send info on this or that, but my email gets really full. I say give me a nudge because what I've offered isn't priority, but I really do want to help them, so I'd rather they keep nudging/reminding me, than they don't get what they wanted. Hope I've not pissed them off!

I usually come back with "oh dont rely on me. My memory is terrible, I'll probably forget haha"

I usually say it because saying it out loud usually helps me remember myself. No idea I'd be giving someone the rage by doing it. FFS.

I don't mind it most of the time, some people really just can't help being forgetful. My oh has ADHD and really struggles with short term memory and organising himself, he'll write things in the planner or write himself little notes but then forgets about them or loses them, it isn't deliberate. My dad is also really forgetful, always has been. I on the other hand am incredibly anxious about forgetting things so I'm pretty well organised and its no hardship for me to give someone a reminder if they need it.

It always feels like they're saying 'this task or event isn't important to me, so I can't be arsed to commit to memory or note it down. As its so important to you, you can remind me when it needs doing...'

It winds me up no end.

Half the time, if you were reminding them you might as well do the damn task.

'Can you call x at 08:00 when I'm at work - text me to remind me! Urm no...I'm at work hence why I can't do said task.

We're meeting so and so at 18.00, I'm out till 17.30 so I'll pick you up on my way past - can you remind me 17.00 so I can get ready....

Basically I need someone to tell me to stop what I'm doing to get ready, do task on time....

I also get 'I'm going to play games - just an hour - okay remind me'. No. Have some self-discipline to set a timer or keep an eye on the time. Not your mother to tell you to stop playing games...

This really annoys me too, even though some people don't mean it they way I take it. They actually mean that they won't be offended if you remind them, but I, like PP always read it as "I'm leaving this up to you to as I can't be bothered to commit it to memory."

Most of the time I hear those phrases used is if the person has already agreed or offered to do a favour for someone and says "give me a nudge/remind me" if they forget.

I agree it would be annoying if the thing that person A is asking person B to remind them about has nothing to do with person B.

It really does depend on the person/ situation.
I have memory issues and yes, I use a diary but either forget to write in the diary or forget to look at the diary. Even Alexa can’t help me as, half the time, I don’t hear the reminders .

If my dh does this I tell him to put a reminder on his phone.

I'm generally a fairly organised person, but I do use this a lot ...

Usually it's with friends who want some info from me, but we're out and I've had a few drinks . Happy to supply the info, just remind me and I'll send it to you tomorrow when I'm sober. Even better if they email me whilst we're still out so neither one forgets

None of the "reasons" PPs have put forward are even close to why I do it and I do it all the time - especially with DH. I am the primary organiser and I have a pretty good memory for things and 99% I do remember without prompting, but occasionally the mental load pushes things out. Sharing my mental to do list helps me to remember - saying it out loud really does cement it in my head - and also serves as a safety net. Thankfully my DH is not as easily irritated as the OP and is usually helpful although not really very great at actually reminding me because his memory is awful.